铋需观看
飞出个未来字幕组倾情奉献
翻译: 井木犴 张池 迪奇先生 John
校对: 叶水枫 佐佐 后期 & 压制: SuperBrother
地下剧场
欢迎回到优质服务奖的颁奖现场 welcome back to the clippie awards
恭喜各位快递员
本奖旨在表彰年度最佳快递员 honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys.
下面颁发的是最佳自行车新人奖 Our next category is best newcomer on a bicycle
祝好运 Dwight Good luck, Dwight
被提名的有 And the nomineers are
猫猫宅急便的Johnny Jensen Johnny Jensen from rent-a-cat
十分钟到货的内衣小子Nezzbin Zalgabarg Nezzbin Zalgabarg, ten-minute underwear
以及飞驰小辫男Dwight Conrad and Dwight Conrad, speedy wig
获得优质服务奖的是 And the clippie goes to...
小Johnny Jensen Little Johnny Jensen!
别伤心 儿子 Don't feel bad, son.
爸爸妈妈最以你为荣了 We couldn't be more proud of you.
当然 那得是你得了奖 Unless, of course, you had won the award.
你真幸运还有家人陪着过来 Man, you're so lucky to have your family here.
那个笨蛋教授都不肯为我来一趟 The stupid Professor didn't even show up for me.
我只想感谢我超棒的父母 I'd just like to thank my awesome parents.
我们爱你 Jonny We love you, Johnny!
现在请大家肃静 Now to get all serious.
让我们向过去一年因公殉职的快递员们致敬 It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys
他们传递思念
让我们向过去一年因公殉职的快递员们致敬 who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty.
Gene Tinker 死于车祸 Gene Tinker, bus.
Charles Kiley 死于火车事故 Charles Kiley, train.
Mike Pisarik 死于狮腹 Mike Pisarik, lion.
他们正坐在开往天堂的卡车上 They're on the truck to heaven now.
接下来颁发 Up next,
最佳送报员 电话簿员以及杂项快递员奖项 the award for best delivery boy: Newspaper, phone book, or miscellaneous.
杂项快递员 说的就是我 Miscellaneous, that's me.
被提名的有 The nominees are:
Gene Tinker Gene Tinker,
Charles Kiley Charles Kiley,
Mike Pisarik Mike Pisarik,
以及Philip J. Fry and Philip J. Fry.
获得优质服务奖的是 And the clippie goes to...
Philip J. Fry Philip J. Fry!
在这里签收 Sign here.
首先我要感谢快递科学院 I'd like to thank the academy of delivery sciences,
我可爱的机器人老兄 Bender my lovely robot, Bender,
最需要感谢的是我亲爱的侄子 and most of all, my dear nephew,
Farnsworth教授 Professor Farnsworth.
他一直很关心我 He always has time for me,
无论是让我送快递 whether it's sending me on a delivery,
或是把我拉到一边说我干得很糟 or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job.
我要感谢他 因为他是我的家人 And why? Because he's family,
家人永远关心着彼此 and family is always there for each other.
不好意思 I'm sorry,
我实在念不下去这一纸巾的谎言了 but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies.
事实上 The truth is,
Farnsworth教授是个冷漠无情的混蛋 Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk!
而且炸鱼条也是软塌塌的 And the fish sticks were limp!
挺沉的嘛 Ooh, hefty.
用这玩意肯定能把脑袋砸开花 You could really bash in a skull with this thing.
懂的 懂的 I know, right?
咋啦? What?
你的颁奖典礼 Oh, your awards show.
很抱歉没能去成 I'm sorry I couldn't make it,
但我有个很好的理由 but I had a very good reason.
那你说出来让大家信一下? Perhaps you'd favor us with it?
我很乐意 My pleasure.
听着 我陷入了一个严峻的情况... You see, I came down with a searing case
...谁鸟你啊 of who gives a crap.
真希望还有别的在世亲戚 Oh, I wish I had more living relatives.
教授父母怎么样? What about the Professor's parents?
他们还活着? They're still alive?
当然了 他们显示出所有生命迹象 Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs...
脚趾甲还在生长 心脏还在搏动 toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid,
包皮垢也还在分泌 the whole shmagoigle.
那这些化石们住在哪? 沉积岩里吗? So where do these fossils live, in sedimentary rock?
不是 No.
根据亲属档案显示 According to his next of kin file,
他们住在"濒死星"上的虚拟退休员工之家 they live in a virtual retirement home on the near-death star.
我去过那儿 I've been there.
"濒死星"在S02E10及第二部大电影中出现过
那咱就果断再去一次吧 Let's boldly go where we've gone before.
站住 Halt!
此地禁止参观 Visitors are forbidden.
是吗? Oh, really?
对优质服务奖得主也禁止吗? Does that rule apply to... Clippie winners?
对不起 先生 请进 I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.
那个是Philip J. Fry That's Philip J. Fry.
Ned Farnsworth 和 Velma Farnsworth Ned and velma Farnsworth,
Shadybrook道423号 423 Shadybrook Lane.
我们走着 Let's hover-roll.
Fry 你这趟表现真是又自信又有责任心 Fry, you're so confident and take charge on this trip.
这有点性感 It's kind of a turn-on.
现在可不行 Leela 我这是要去见长辈 Not now, Leela, I'm trying to meet old people.
我了个去 My God...
全都是老头老太太 It's full of geezers.
嘿 为什么他们要这样挂起来? Hey, why are they hooked up like that?
自动化工艺的可调节死亡棺材吗? Is it some kind of craft-matic adjustable death bed?
别搞笑了 Don't be ridiculous.
他们的身体是用来发电的 Their bodies are being used to generate electricity.
这个主意来自老电影《黑客帝国》 The idea came from an old movie called the matrix.
可随便什么东西都比人体更适合做电池啊 But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body?
比如土豆啦 Like a potato?
或者电池? Or a battery?
再说不管他们生产多少能量 Plus, no matter how much energy they produced,
维持生存总会花费更多的能量啊 it would take more energy than that to keep them alive.
我懂 我懂 I know, I know.
听起来是有点荒唐 It sounds absurd.
事实上 《黑客帝国》刚上映时 In fact,when the matrix first came out,
它似乎是科幻小说史上最寒酸 最无聊 it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful,
最糟糕而且最愚蠢的创意 dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction,
- 但还是被人实现了 - 谁想得到呢? - but it turned out to be true. - Who knew?
干的好 黑客帝国的写手 Good work, writer of the matrix.
就是这里了 1119房间 This is it, room 1119.
这就是我的亲戚啊 Aw, it's my relatives.
我要叫他们Gram-Gram和Shabba-doo I'm gonna call them Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo.
他们跟你可真像 Fry They look just like you, Fry.
胳膊啦 脚啦 丑样啦 Arms, legs, ugly.
不能和他们在虚拟世界见面真是太糟了 Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.
可以哦 只要弄湿脑袋 We can. Just moisten your heads
再带上这些真实-虚拟转接头盔 and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps.
访问者接口
电椅执行死刑就是这样
帽子上接着电线 Electricity plus hats with wires on them.
你确定这个安全? Are you sure this is safe?
这个不只是安全 是40%的安全 It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.
太旧庄园
说了很安全的 Told you it was safe.
这就是我家亲戚的虚拟老年家园了 So this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home.
只有一个词能形容它 可怕 There's only one word for it: Terrible.
还有恐怖 And also horrible.
到他们的房间了 This is their room.
他们见到我一定很高兴 They're gonna be so excited to meet me.
我是你们的远亲 I'm your distant relative.
做梦去吧 你个骗子 Forget it, you flimflammer.
一米之外我就能闻见欺诈的味道 I can smell a scam a mile away.
反向抵押贷款 Reverse mortgages.
来拿你的返还贷款 Get your reverse mortgages here.
快请进 快请进 Oh, come in, come in.
那你真是我孙子咯? So, you're really my grandson, huh?
这事也没那么简单 Well, it's not quite that simple.
你瞧 我被冷冻了 而你们的儿子 See, I got frozen, and your son,
Farnsworth教授 是我的曾曾曾曾曾曾... Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great-great-great...
没错 我是你们的孙子 Yep, I'm your grandson all right.
孙子? A grandson?
天呐 都成大男孩了 My, you're a big boy.
那你是个... 高中生? What are you, a... a junior in high school?
最近 是的 Most recently, yes.
宝贝儿太瘦了 Oh, you look so thin.
要吃虚拟火腿煲吗? Can I offer you some virtual ham casserole?
听来很美味呢 Sounds delicious.
多少年都没人吃过我做的饭了 Nobody's eaten my food like that in ages.
离开现实后我就不怎么开火了 I don't cook much since we moved out of reality.
我就是这么落下了眼上的疤 And that's how I got this scar above my eye,
还有肺里的叉子 and this fork inside my lung.
真有你的 That's a doozy.
嘿 看这里 Hey, look at this.
我能拉开我的拇指 I can pull my thumb off.
停下 Shabba-doo 你吓坏我了 Oh, stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out.
别让他拿走你鼻子哦 Don't let him get your nose.
天呐 Oh, lord.
真高兴又多了家人 It's so nice to have more family.
以前我只有教授一个 All I had was the Professor,
可他是个无聊的怪人 and he's kind of crotchety and moldy.
那你应该看看他小时候 You should have seen him when he was little.
天哪 那才叫沉闷和古怪呢 My golly, he was crotchety and moldy.
我们非常想他 We miss him terribly,
但是和你一起消磨时间也很高兴 but it sure has been nice spending time with you.
这里让人感到孤独和压抑 It gets lonely and depressing around here,
没有娱乐 除了有人作弊的bingo (一种游戏) with no entertainment except the rigged bingo!
证据呢 废物 Prove it, loser!
好吧 我们该走了 Well, we should get going.
很高兴见到你们 It was great to meet you, though,
我还学到了滑囊炎可以超越肉体存在 and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence.
要好好学习 听见没? Keep up with your studies, huh?
什么? What?
天哪 我还在这儿? Oh, God, I'm still here?
我会想你们的... I'll miss you guyyyyys...
我看Gram-Gram根本不喜欢那地方 I don't think Gram-Gram likes that place,
而且我知道Shabba也一样 and I know Shabba-don't.
真希望他们能跟我们一起走 I sure wish they could come with us.
虐待老人 虐待老人 Elder abuse! Elder abuse!
快走 快 Go it! Fastly!
发动不起来 It won't start.
电池没电了 The batteries are dead.
我就要因为几个没用的老人 I'm about to lose history's greatest life
丢了史上最伟大的性命了 all because of some useless old people.
他们不是没用的 They're not useless.
他们会做火腿煲 They can cook ham casserole...
可以开着很大声看电视... And watch TV at incredible volume...
还可以用来发电 And they generate electricity...
有了 That's it!
我们可以截住他们 We can cut them off.
在Miriam Feinberg左转 Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.
我是说Feingold I meant Feingold!
能在这里见到教授父母实在太好了 It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents.
我是Zoidberg医生 I'm Dr. Zoidberg.
是个超级大人物 I'm very important.
嘿 Zoidberg 你忘倒垃圾桶了 Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can.
别扁我 Don't hit me!
我打赌教授见到你们会激动死的 I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again.
教授 Oh, Professor.
两位很特殊的老人在等你哦 Some special old people are here for you.
是我买的僵尸到货了吗? Are they my zombies from hammacher schlemmer?
妈妈? 爸爸? Mama? Daddy?
- 儿子 - 你好啊 小子 - Son! - Hiya, kiddo!
少来打扰我 Leave me alone!
我不想再见到你们 I never want to see you again!
他怎么这么生气? What crawled up his geritol?
老实说 我们过去有过一些烦心事 Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.
女士 你们过去有啥没发生的吗? Lady, all of human history happened in your past!
别让那些阴暗日子毁了咱们串门的兴致 Eh, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit.
Philip 你说今天出去快活一把怎样? Philip, what do you say we goout today and live it up?
快活一把? Live it up?
你能活过今晚我就很惊喜了 I'd be surprised if you live it out!
哥们太刁了 You're on fire!
Holophonor独奏会
看来你们玩得很开心嘛 Whoa, looks like you guys had fun.
前所未有的开心 Did we ever!
Gram-Gram在雪糕店跌倒了 Gram-Gram fell down at the ice cream store
他们就送了我们免费雪糕 and we got free ice cream!
咱们都去小憩一下吧 Now let's all go take a nap!
教授 Amy和我都很担心... Professor, Amy and I are concerned that...
怎么啦? What's wrong?
我只是想让父母好好爱我 I just want my parents to love me.
上帝啊 我好恨他们 God, how I hate them!
他们当然爱你啦 Of course they love you!
再爱也爱不过Fry Not like they love Fry!
他们从没那样和我玩过 They never played with me like that.
他们总是"太累了" They were always "too tired."
这算哪门子父母?! Oh, what awful parents!
过来 我要把故事完完整整告诉你们 Come closer, I'll tell you the whole story.
要不这样 咱们倒些泡泡液进去先 Tell you what, let's get an opaque bubble layer going.
行了 说吧 Okay, go.
一切发生在一个半世纪以前 It all started a century and a half ago.
我在新纽约度过自己超正常的青春期 I had a perfectly normal adolescence in new New York.
但我的父母都是避险基金经理 But my parents were simple hedge fund managers
对我爱好科学一点也不关心 who couldn't appreciate my interest in science.
妈妈 爸爸 看我做出了什么 Mom, dad, look what I made!
太棒了 亲爱的 That's wonderful, dear.
来吧 吱吱 Here you go, squeakers.
14岁的时候MIT就录取了我 (麻省理工) I was accepted to mit at the age of 14,
但爸妈却像扔青蛙头一样毁了我的梦 but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head!
宝贝 恐怕我们不能让你去 Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go.
你情感还没成熟到可以上大学 You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet.
没成熟到可以上大学 "Not mature enough for college yet!"
担心我脑子里满是城市里的不良教育 Worried that city life was filling my head
担心我脑子里满是城市里的不良教育 with an unhealthy respect for education,
他们就把家搬到了... my parents moved us to...
鸟悄的农场 A peaceful farm!
我看那挺好 I think that's sweet.
闭嘴 Oh, shut up!
你是我的唯一了 吱吱 You're all I have left, squeakers.
上帝啊 我讨厌那地方 Oh, God, I hated that place!
爸妈把我困在那里多年 My parents kept me there for years!
所以最终逃出来的时候 So when I finally ran away,
我发誓再也不跟他们说话 I vowed never to speak to them again!
真是个又悲伤又幽长的故事 教授 That's a really sad and long story, Professor.
但除非如实告诉父母你的感受 But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now
否则你永远不会释怀 and tell them honestly how you feel.
你说的对 You're right.
我会的 I will.
我恨你们 我恨你们 我恨你们 Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
你们毁了我的人生 You ruined my life!
再见 Good-bye!
真是个未受割礼的老疯子 That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
我在东河差点就抓到教授了 I almost headed off the Professor at the east river,
结果风吹起他的松垮皮肤 but the wind caught his skin flaps
他滑翔到皇后区大桥那边去了 and sent him parasailing over the queensboro bridge.
他去皇后区干嘛? Why would he go to queens?
他又不缺轮胎 He doesn't need tires.
我们以前的农场就在皇后区 Our old farm was in queens.
他一定跑去用裸体玷污那里了 He must've gone back there to defile it with his nudity!
来 快走 Come on, hurry!
你干嘛着急找教授 Fry? Why are you so eager to find the Professor, Fry?
你不是生他的气么? Aren't you mad at him?
我当然生他气 Of course I'm mad.
那是一定的 That's been established.
我只是为了Gram-Gram I just want to find him
和Shabba-doo才找他 for Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo's sake.
谁? Who?
快点 快点 Faster, faster!
好 急刹 Okay, stop short!
那就是我们的老宅了 There's the old place.
真是一点没变啊 Hasn't changed a bit.
戴上眼镜再说 亲爱的 Put on your glasses, sweetie.
有动静 I hear something!
是教授 It's the Professor!
好啊 大家都来看怪物 Yes, everyone look at the freak!
他爸妈不爱他 所以把他关在这儿 His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here,
离最近的显微镜都有100英里远 a hundred Miles from the nearest microscope!
为什么? 为什么?! Why? Why?!
该让他知道真相了 Velma He deserves the truth, Velma.
他是大人了 应该能接受 I think he's old enough to handle it.
甜心 Cupcake...
我们没告诉过你 但是... We never told you this, but...
你还有个哥哥 You had an older brother.
什么? Wha...?
在很多事上 他都很像你 In many ways, he was like you.
他热爱科学 渴望能上大学 He loved science and was desperate to go to college.
他甚至长得也有点像你 He even looked a little like you.
但不幸的是... But the sad fact was...
我该怎么委婉告诉你呢? Oh, how can I put this delicately?
他是个疯子 He was a crazy-ass nutjob!
多谢了 Ned Thank you, Ned.
但那又怎样? But so what?
他是我们的小傻帽 我们爱他 He was our crazy-ass nutjob, and we loved him.
每晚 这可怜孩子都会做噩梦 Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep.
睡衣会被汗水湿个透 His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.
好吧 是汗水 好吧 Yeah, sweat. Right.
我们整晚在床边陪他 We'd stay at his bedside all night,
他一咕哝 睡裤一湿 and whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants,
我们就给他念他最爱的书听 we'd read to him from his favorite book
81号 铊 81, thallium.
82号 铅 82, lead.
83号 铋 83, bismuth.
可怜的小疯子靠自己是活不了的 The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own.
所以我们尽可能把他关在农场里 So we kept him on the farm as long as we could.
可一天夜里 他跑掉了 But one night he ran away,
除了身上的衣服 什么都没带 taking nothing but the clothes on his back
他被一所知名机构录取... He was admitted to a prestigious institution...
缩写MIT
一所精神病院 a mental institution!
他拿了疯子全额奖学金 Got himself a full wackademic scholarship.
后来我们再也没见过他 And we never saw him again!
我们不能让你也变成哥哥那样 We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.
所以我们把你关在农场 That's why we kept you on the farm
帮你拿到马术研究的网络博士学位 and helped you get your online doctorate in rodeo studies.
马术研究? Rodeo studies?
我们那么做全是因为爱你 Floyd We did it out of love for you, Floyd.
Floyd? 谁特么是Floyd? Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd?
我是Hubert I'm Hubert!
你是Hubert? You're Hubert?
你是哥哥? The older brother?
可... 我们以为你还在精神病院 But... we thought you were still in an institution!
没没没没 Oh, no, no, no, no.
我用25年逃了出来 I was out within 25 years.
跟读研的时间相比就如一分钟 It felt like a minute compared to grad school.
Hubie 真高兴又见到你 Oh, hubie, we're so happy to see you again!
等等 你们说的是真的? Wait. Was all that true?
真的整晚不睡 就为陪我? Did you really sit up with me every night?
当然了 小子 You bet, sport.
所以白天我们都累得不能陪你玩 That's why we were always too tired to play with you.
真遗憾我们一直都没这机会 I'm so sorry we never got the chance.
妈妈 爸爸 Oh, mama! Daddy!
现在说可能不太是时候 Uh, this may not be the best time,
不过几年前有个流浪马术小丑 but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown
名叫Floyd 找上门说他是... named Floyd came to the door claiming he was...
Bender 你非得成为注意力焦点不可吗? Bender, why do you always have to be the center of attention?
你们真的想回到"濒死星"? You're sure you want to go back to the near-death star?
是啊 宝贝儿 Oh, my, yes.
我们肌肉发酸 骨头疼痛 Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.
我该死的皮肤都疼了 My damn skin even hurts.
虽说不是理想家园 It's no dream house,
但我们通过脊椎注射进食 but we get fed through our spines
租金也很合理 and the rent is reasonable.
放心 我会不时来看你们的 Don't worry. I'll come back and visit sometime.
十二月来好吗? How about December,
那时他们给我们大脑注射节日映像 when they inject the holidays into our brains?
听起来不错 Gram-Gram That sounds nice, Gram-Gram.
好了 孩子 又该说再见了 Well, son, I guess this is good-bye again.
再等会 Not quite yet.
我擅自把你们的模拟程序重新编程了 I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation.
何不让我进去一会儿带你们熟悉一下环境? Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?
访问者接口
虚拟上帝啊 Good virtual God!
是我们的老农场 It's our old farm!
太漂亮了 It's beautiful!
外观... 仅仅是外观 Appearances... just a simple matter of appearances.
说到外观... Speaking of which...
我的孩子 My boy!
我可爱的孩子 My beautiful boy!
最后一起玩的机会了... One last chance to play...
如果你们不累的话 if you're not too tired?
追你绝对不累 你个小傻帽 Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nutjob!
来啊 Velma Come on, velma!
- 有人欠咯吱哦 - 我要咯吱你喽 我来啦 - Someone needs tickles! - I'm gonna get you! Here I come!
差点逮到你 你过来 I almost got you! Come here, you.
角色情节纯属虚构 如有雷同纯属巧合 明星声优均为模仿... 抱歉 以下节目含有脏话 内容不宜众人观看