嘿 Hey.
你知道医疗废物对环境好吗 Did you know medical waste is good for the environment?
啊 别瞎扯［双关 别扯我的腿］ Nah, stop pulling my leg.
嘿 别在嚼我的鞋了 死狗 Hey! Quit chewing up my shoe, dog.
啊 Aah!
啊 嘿 别再扯我的腿了 Aah! Hey, stop pulling my leg!
腌黄瓜先生 Mr. Pickles!
－报纸怎么还没来 －会来的 - Where is that newspaper already? - It'll be here.
放轻松 哦 腌黄瓜先生 嗯 Just relax. Oh, Mr. Pickles. Hmm.
我知道了 你可以给我读我最喜欢的书 爸爸 I know! You can read me my favorite book, dad.
对不起 Sorry,
－我要工作去了 －哦 你老是 - I have to work. - Oh, you always
要工作 －啊 我觉得 - have to work. - Ah, I think
在我睡着的时候 腌黄瓜先生一直背着我做了些什么 Mr. Pickles has been doing something to me in my sleep.
爸爸 腌黄瓜先生是条 Dad, Mr. Pickles is
好狗 －啊 看看他 - a good boy. - Ah, look at him.
－没有账单要付 不用上班 －哦 腌黄瓜先生 - No bills, no job. - Oh, Mr. Pickles.
不用担心世上的一切 Not a care in the world.
我好希望我是条狗 I wish I was a dog.
哈 耶 Huh? Yeah!
史丹利 Stanley!
爸爸 －报纸现在 Dad! - The newspapers be on
都在平板电脑上看咯 －我好希望我是条狗 - digital tablets now, yo! - I wish I was dog.
我好希望我是条狗 I wish I was a dog.
哈 哦 Huh? Oh.
一只猫 我一定要抓住那只猫 操你 嘿 A cat! I gotta get that cat! What the... hey!
我的腿怎么了 我的衣服去了哪里 What's the matter with my legs? Where are my clothes?
古德曼先生 哈 是我 Mr. Goodman! - Huh? That's me!
是我 That's me!
你在这儿啊 There you are,
－古德曼先生 －啊 叫我‘爸爸’ 汤米 - Mr. Goodman. - Uh, call me "Dad," Tommy.
你说啥 What's that, boy?
哈 －你想要我 Huh? - You want
摸摸你吗 －嗯 啊 - some scratches? - Um... Ahh.
哦 耶 哦 耶 耶 耶 耶 耶 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
爸爸 你今天可以 Dad? Can you do something
陪我吗 －嗯 - with me today? - Um...
要去工作 爸爸 Have to work, dad.
但是我是你爸爸 还是一条狗呢 But I'm your dad. Or am I a dog?
哦 Oh!
腌黄瓜先生 倒垃圾 Mr. Pickles. Take out the trash,
推草坪 付账单 －等等 - mow the lawn, pay the bills... - Wait,
这些都不干我事 I'm not responsible for any of those things.
我自由了 我可以干我想干的 哦 I'm free! I can do whatever I... oh.
你今天可真会叫 古德曼先生 You sure are barking up a storm, Mr. Goodman.
叫 我不是 哦 看看那条腿 Barking? I'm not... oh, look at that leg.
我喜欢你的腿 我喜欢你的腿 I like your leg, I like your leg.
古德曼先生 －那个 古德曼先生 Mr. Goodman! - That Mr. Goodman
是个恶魔 啊 is evil. Aah!
啊 等等 Ah, wait!
醒来 醒来 醒来 爸爸 别这样 Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, dad! Come on!
－昏迷可能会是终生的 －哦 不 - A coma could last forever. - Oh, no!
醒来 Wake up!
汤米 别这样 －但是我想要他 Tommy, please. - But I want dad
给我读故事 －汤米 去玩 - to read my story to me! - Tommy, go play
让你爸爸休息下 - and let dad rest.
－完美的收割对象 - Perfect for harvesting.
－嘿 你们好吗 －糟透了 - Hey, now! How you doin'? - Terrible!
－不好 什么 －我很讨厌那个 - No! What? - I'm so mad
送报的男孩 气到不知道怎么办 at the newspaper boy, I don't know what to do.
嗯 嗯 汤米 我觉得你对某人 Yeah, yeah, Tommy. I find that when you're mad
生气的时候 你应该告诉他们你的感受 at somebody, you should tell 'em how you feel.
－嘿 女士们 你们要去哪里 －好吧 腌黄瓜先生 - Hey, ladies! Where you goin'? - Okay, Mr. Pickles,
去照顾爸爸 go watch over dad.
拜托 Come on.
讯号来自于你的直肠 先生 These beeps are coming from the rectal area, sir.
什么 有位先生挟带了东西 What?! We've got a packer.
－快点 弗洛伊德 －嗨 大家伙 - Hurry up, Floyd. - Hi, guys.
－你们来探病真好 －哦 我们不是为了古德曼 - Nice of you to stop by. - Oh, we're not here
来的 我们是来吃午饭的 for Goodman. We're here for lunch.
哦 －我要破我自己的记录 Oh. - I'm gonna break my record
－吃了一千根热狗 －快回去工作 古德曼 - and eat 1,000 hot dogs. - Get back to work, Goodman.
－那是用来干什么的 －这本书吗 - Hey, what's that thing do? - This book?
－你 读它 －哦 是吗 读 读它 - You... read it? - Oh, yeah? Do... do that.
好吧 从前有一条弯弯曲曲的 All right. "There once was a wiggly,
路 它绵延不断 曲折不断 windy road that went on and on, wriggling and winding,
又曲又折 －来吧 古德曼先生 - wriggling and winding..." - Come on, Mr. Goodman!
啊 一只鞋 Ah! A shoe.
－哇 冷静点 狗狗 －不好意思 不好意思 - Whoa! Down, dog. - Sorry, sorry.
嘿 老兄 想要闻屁屁吗 Hey, pal. Wanna sniff butts?
好 我想 哦 棒极了 Yes, I do. Oh, yeah.
哦 那闻上去真棒 Oh, that smells good.
哦 好的 嘿 让我闻一下 Mmm, okay. Hey, let me get a sniff.
棒极了 哦 耶 Very nice. Oh, yeah.
你的屁股真好闻 That is a nice smelling butt you have.
哦 耶 我很伤心 Oh, yeah. I'm sad.
我希望我爸爸陪我 但他要去工作 I wanted my dad to do something with me, but he has to work.
嗯 我能做许多事 Well, I could do lots of somethings.
－耶 －耶 - Whee! - Whee!
汤米 快从他身上下来 Tommy, you get down from him.
－为什么你和他说话 －嗯 他不懂 - Why you talkin' to him? - Yeah, he doesn't know what
你在说什么 没人懂 you're saying. Nobody does.
你的意思是 我可以对任何人说任何话 You mean, I can say anything to anyone,
然后他们都不懂我在说什么 －来叠罗汉吧 - and they can't understand me? - Dog pile!
嘿 你们别这样 Hey! Come on, you guys.
我不能呼吸了 I can't breathe!
我不能呼吸了 －路 I can't breathe! - "And the road
变得笔直了一会儿 然后又 straightened for a moment, then suddenly
弯曲了下去 －操 - it started to wind again." - Damn!
我想它会就变笔直的 I thought it was gonna go straight.
安静 Shh!
哦 呃 只是 Oh! Uh, just fluffing
帮他拍枕头 －谢谢你 - his pillows. - Thank you.
继续读 继续读 继续读 继续读 安静 Read! Read! Read! Read! Shh.
不好意思 纸质媒体已死 哟 Sorry. Print is dead, yo!
改用全新的平板设备阅读吧 Read it right here on this new tablet device.
给我一份 拿去吧 I'll take a paper. Here you go.
嘿 多亏了你 Hey! Thanks to you,
我爸爸陷入了昏迷 －哟 不好意思 哟 - my dad is in a coma. - Yo, I'm sorry, yo!
最糟的是 他不可以给我念故事了 The worst part is, he can't read me a story.
我猜那就是纸媒死亡时会发生的事情 I guess that's what happens when print is dead.
哟 兄弟 尽管纸媒已死 Yo, dawg, we threw the printing press away,
但是你可以用这个自己写书 but you could write your own book with this!
写书 Words!
路一直延伸下去 直到 "And on and on the road went until...
它继续延伸下去 延伸下去 It kept going. It kept going..."
腌黄瓜 Pickles!
快提升业绩 Make some sales
－否则我就开出你这个好吃懒做的家伙 －你说谁 - or your lousy butt is fired. - Who are you
好吃懒做 你这个一文不值的小王八羔子 calling a lousy butt, you worthless little snit?!
－哈 －老板 - Huh? - Boss schmoss.
你就是一坨苔藓 老天 太爽了 You're a piece of moss. Boy, that felt good.
把这只吵死人的狗弄出去 Get this yapping dog out of here.
－他好恶心 －我讨厌你 - He's disgusting! - I hate you!
啊 我的屁股 Aah, my butt!
－我一直知道你讨厌他 －嗨 弗洛伊德 - I always knew you hated him. - Hi, Floyd.
－等等 你听得懂我说的话 －你在梦境里 - Wait, you can understand me? - You're in a dream,
－古德曼先生 －梦境里 - Mr. Goodman. - A dream?
我一定是你梦中的向导 来吧 我们看看 I must be your dream guide. Here, let's see.
哦 我可以这么做 来吧 Oh! I can do this. Whee!
哇 一只猫 一只猫 Whoa. A cat! A cat!
我要抓住你 哦 到处都是猫 I'm gonna get you! Oh, there's cats everywhere!
嘿 鞋子 哦 耶 Hey, shoes! Oh, yeah.
骨头 骨头 骨头 骨头 Bones, bones, bones, bones!
－接住 －我会接住的 - Fetch! - I'll get that!
他在这里 There he is!
嘿 嘿 你在干什么 Hey, hey! What are you doing?
你要去收容所了 It's off to the pound with you.
准备执行死刑 －哦 对了 - Death row. - Oh, yeah.
如果人们在梦境中死亡 "If the person dies in their dream,
他们也会在现实生活中死亡 嘿 看看我还可以做些什么别的 they'll die in real life, too." Hey, look what else I can do.
什么 哦 不 不 －顺着那条 What? Oh, no. No! - "Down the wiggly,
弯弯曲曲的路 他接着来到了另外一条 windy road he went. Then he came to another wiggly
弯弯曲曲的路 猜猜发生了什么 还是弯曲的 part of the road and guess what? It was winding."
X光显示你的直肠中有许多物件 Our x-rays show that you have several items in your rectum.
哈 一段弹簧 Huh? - One slinky.
不 －吉他的一部分 No! - Part of a guitar.
哦 －一只滑板鞋 Oh. - One roller skate.
哦 我还要 Oh! I'm gonna have to get
再进深一些 －哦 拜托 - all the way in there. - No, please!
一个腌黄瓜的空罐子 One empty jar of Pickles.
－然后 让我们吃午饭吧 大家伙 －什么 有人吗 - And let's take lunch, everybody. - What? Hello!
腌黄瓜先生 是你吗 Mr. Pickles, was that you?
为什么我会在停尸间 安静 Why am I in the morgue? Shh.
哦 哦 耶 你看上去很火辣 Oh. Oh, yeah, you lookin' good.
你拿那个东西是想要干什么 What are you doing with that thing? Aah!
宝贝 摘你所有的器官 Get all the organs, baby.
然后我们就可以还大学贷款了 Then we can pay off our college loans.
嗯 我手上有一个陷入昏迷的病人 Well, I'm working on a patient in a coma.
他很快就可以摘器官了 He'll be ready for harvesting soon.
结 束了 "The... End."
给我们念另外一个故事 Read us another story.
但是我没其他的书 But I don't have another book.
－给我们讲故事 －给我们讲故事 - Read us a story! - Read us a story!
给我们讲故事 给我们讲故事 Read us a story! Read us a story!
等等 我不喜欢这样 Wait a minute. I don't like this.
狗特勒万岁 Heil, Pitler!
你好 －进去 Hello. - Get in there.
哇 嘿 大家好 Whoa. Hey, guys!
呃 嗨 你好 我是史丹利 古德曼 你是 Uh, hi, there. Stanley Goodman. And you are?
要开派对的狗 抓住他 把他按在地上 About to have a party. Get him! Hold him down.
压在地上 我妈妈是只吉娃娃 Get down. My mother was a chihuahua...
大家伙 然后我爸爸是 Guys! And my father was
圣伯纳 －嘿 哇 - a St. Bernard. - Hey! Whoa!
欢迎来监狱 婊子 Welcome to prison, bitch.
哦 不 救命 Oh, no! Help!
你为什么还不死 Would you just die already?
哈 安静 来 每只狗都喜欢的热狗 Huh? Quiet! Here. Every dog loves hot dogs.
哈 啊 Huh? Aah!
哦 你想要打个快炮 Oh! You want a quickie?
你至少该把我的衣服脱了吧 You can at least take my clothes off.
－根骨头 一只鞋 －操你 - A bone, a shoe. - What the...
一只猫 One cat.
这是什么 在嗡嗡震动 在滴答作响 还是金属的 What's this? It's buzzing? Ticking? Metallic?
是炸弹 We got a bomb!
再次一根热狗就打破你自己的记录了 One more hot dog and you'll beat your record.
嘿 我们要喷精 Hey! We need to ejaculate
医院 －疏散医院才对 ［读音接近］ - the hospital. - Evacuate.
我就是这么说的 去哪里 That's what I said. Where to?
给我们讲故事 给我们讲故事 Read us a story! Read us a story!
你们不会去图书馆吗 Just go to the library!
完美地点 现在根本没人会去那里 Perfect! Nobody goes there anymore.
给我们讲故事 给我们讲故事 Read us a story! Read us a story!
－给我们讲故事 －哦 我期待这刻 - Read us a story! - Oh, I've been waiting a long
已久了 古德曼先生 time for this, Mr. Goodman.
哦 我再也不想变成一条狗了 Oh, I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
－你也会在现实生活中死亡 －我 - You'll die in real life, too. - I don't wanna
再也不想变成一条狗了 －你也会在现实生活中死亡 - be a dog anymore. - You'll die in real life, too.
我再也不想变成一条狗了 I don't wanna be a dog anymore.
－我闻到了热狗的味道 你呢 －给我们讲故事 - I smell hot dogs. Don't you? - Read us a story!
好吧 呃 我想借一本书 Yes, uh, I'd like to take out a book.
我们把他们都放进储藏室了 如果你想的话 We put them all in storage. You can check your e-mail
这里可以收电子邮件吧 －哦 我有一本书 - if you'd like. - Oh, I have a book.
棒极了 现在 安静 嘘 Hooray! Be quiet. Shh...
我的爸爸 他曾经和我干了好多事情 My dad. He used to do lots of things
有一次 他给我看什么是 with me. One time, he showed me what
乌龟 他给我看什么是乌龟 a turtle was. He showed me what a turtle was.
求你了 别 别杀我 求你了 Please! D-d-don't kill me, please.
嘿 Hey,
那是只乌龟 哈 －哇 - that's a turtle. Huh? - Wow,
所以 那是只乌龟 －嘿 我认得你 - so that's a turtle. - Hey, I know you.
嗨 爸爸 嗨 爸爸 Hi, dad! Hi, dad.
等等 我觉得我才是爸爸 不是只狗 Wait, I think I'm a dad, not a dog.
－哈 我的衣服 －回来这里 古德曼先生 - Huh? My clothes! - Get back here, Mr. Goodman!
哦 不 哦 不 －还有一次 Oh, no! Oh, no! - Another time,
我爸爸告诉我他怎么省钱 my dad showed me how he saved money.
摄氏37度 我要破产了 70 degrees? I'll go broke!
我的腿 我可以站起来了 My legs! I can stand!
哦 Oh.
还有一次 And then one day,
我想叫他起床 I walked in to wake up my dad, and he had a lump
发现他睡裤凸起了一大块 那是什么 爸爸 in his pajama pants. What's that, dad?
哇 Wow!
不 汤米 别碰那个 等等 No, Tommy! Don't touch that! Wait!
史丹利 啊 Stanley! Aah!
爸爸 －回来 小子 Dad! - Welcome back, dawg.
狗 ［读音相近］ 狗 不 哦 爷爷在哪里 Dog? Dog. No. Oh, where's grandpa?
虚惊一场 只是普通的闹钟罢了 False alarm! It was just an alarm clock.
哦 Ohh.
－只是个梦境 －又是那个东西 - It was just a dream. - There's that thing again.
不 汤米 别 No, Tommy, don't!
热狗 Hot dog!
啊 Aah!
你懂得的 你和汤米让大家 You know, it's great that you and Tommy
重新欣赏书本实在是太好了 got people to appreciate books again.
所以你现在可以给我读书了吗 So can you read me my book now?
不好意思 汤米 工作要迟到了 Sorry, Tommy. Late for work.
腌黄瓜先生该送入收容所 Mr. Pickles should go to the pound.
嗯 我觉得当一只狗比有些人想的 Well, I think being a dog is a lot harder
要困难好多 好样的 than some people think. Good boy.
救命 Help!