WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU
COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG SHOW,
STARRING COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG.
ABANDONED AS A PUP, HE WAS FOUND BY MURIEL,
WHO LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
WITH HER HUSBAND EUSTACE.
BUT CREEPY STUFF HAPPENS IN NOWHERE.
IT'S UP TO COURAGE TO SAVE HIS NEW HOME.
STUPID DOG. YOU MADE ME LOOK BAD.
OOGA BOOGA WOOGA!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
[SIGHS]
I'VE GOT A SPECIAL TREAT.
WHAT'S THAT?
SUSHI.
RAW FISH.
[PTOOEY!]
YUCK!
LOUSY STINKING RAW FISH.
HEY!
HMM?
AAH!
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
OOGA BOOGA WOOGA!
AAH!
HA HA HA!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE AT THIS HOUR.
AAH!
I AM A MISSIONARY FISH,
A FISHIONARY,
AND I REPRESENT THE OFFICIAL ORGANIZATION
OF DEEPLY MORAL FISH,
AND, UH...[AHEM]
MIGHT I TROUBLE FOR A GLASS OF WATER?
NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
I'M HERE TO OFFER YOU THE OPPORTUNITY
TO RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME.
OOH! SCOTLAND!
I HAVEN'T SEEN UNCLE RON IN AGES.
I AIN'T PAYING FOR NO TRIP.
THERE'S NO COST.
WORKS FOR ME.
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
OF COURSE YOU CAN COME, COURAGE.
I HAVE MY VAN WAITING RIGHT OVER HERE.
[SNORING]
[HUMMING SCOTTISH SONG]
AAH!
Voice on radio: VICTOR-ECHO CLEAR TO LAND.
WHERE'S MY PEANUTS?
THEY'RE MAKING THESE AIRPORT TERMINALS
SPIFFIER AND SPIFFIER EVERY YEAR.
BAH.
AAH!
HA HA HA!
Eustace: WHAT? HUH?
WHOA!
WHERE'S MY PEANUTS?
IS THIS NOWHERE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT?
NO, AIR BREATHER.
THIS IS THE UNDERSEA TRIBUNAL
TO EDUCATE AND RE-EDUCATE
LAND-DWELLING HUMANS.
I DON'T SEE WHAT ANY OF THIS HAS TO DO
WITH GOING HOME TO SCOTLAND.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SCOTLAND.
BUT YOU SAID I WAS GOING BACK TO "FROM WHENCE I CAME."
YES. YES INDEED.
YOU ARE GOING BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME...
FROM WHENCE ALL LIFE CAME--
THE SEA.
YOU GOT PEANUTS?
HUH?
UH!
AAH!
YOUR SCALINESSES...
I HAVE OBSERVED THE WAYS OF THESE LAND-WALKERS
AND HAVE FOUND THEM TO BE HIGHLY UNCIVILIZED.
[MUTTERING]
WEARING SHOES, SIPPING TEA, BLINKING...
IT GETS WORSE.
USING HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES,
SITTING FOR EXTENDED PERIODS,
WATCHING THE NOISE AND PICTURE MACHINE.
THE TELEVISION?
WHERE IS THE TELEVISION?
AND WORST OF ALL,
IMPRISONING FISH FOR THEIR OWN AMUSEMENT.
[MUTTERING EXCITEDLY]
WE CANNOT IGNORE SUCH VILE BEHAVIOR.
YOUR PUFFINESSES, I PETITION THE COURT
TO PRONOUNCE THESE 3
GUILTY.
[GULP]
OH, MY.
IT IS THE FINDING OF THIS TRIBUNAL...
THAT THE ACCUSED ARE FRIGHTENINGLY UNCIVILIZED...
AND THEREFORE MUST BE FOUND...
GUILTY.
OH, MY!
THEY SHALL...
BE SENTENCED...
TO BE CIVILIZED IN...
THE BOWL.
AAH!
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU FOOL.
AAH!
BUT WE CAN'T BREATHE UNDERWATER.
OW! WICKED--OH!
THESE TEMPORARY GILLS
WILL ALLOW YOU TO BREATHE UNDERWATER
UNTIL YOU BECOME FULLY CIVILIZED
AND GROW GILLS OF YOUR OWN.
[STRUGGLING]
[SCREAMING]
I HATE SCOTLAND.
I DON'T THINK I'M QUITE SUITED TO THIS.
[TAPS GLASS]
AAH!
THIS SCOTTISH TV STINKS.
HUH?
AAH!
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
NO!
HMM...
[GULP]
AAH!
[GRUNTING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE REVS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[MUTTERING EXCITEDLY]
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
AAH!
[GASPS]
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
[PIANO PLAYING ON TELEVISION]
[MUTTERING EXCITEDLY]
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH.
RELEASE THE HUMANS.
WE HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY.
[PANTING]
RETRIEVE THE FISHIONARY.
CLEARLY SHE HAS FALLEN PREY TO UNCIVILIZATION
AND MUST BE RECIVILIZED.
TAKE HER TO...
THE BOWL.
Fishionary: HEY, MY TOASTER PIZZA'S ALMOST READY!
AND MY FAVORITE SHOW IS COMING ON!
I THINK I'M GETTING PRUNY.
THAT MUST BE A GOOD SIGN.
AH...I'M HUNGRY!
HA HA HA HA!
MOVIE'S A DOG.
I THOUGHT IT WAS GORGEOUS.
MM-HMM.
[MUMBLING]
UH!
GRR...
HA HA HA!
YES...
HA HA HA HA...
OOF! HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING,
ROTTEN ROTTING HIPPIE BEATNIK!
NOW, THAT'S NASTY.
I'M BENTON TARANTELLA,
THE GREATEST DIRECTOR WHO EVER LIVED.
I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAR
IN MY NEW TELEVISION SHOW,
ANGRY, NASTY PEOPLE?
WHAT'S IT PAY?
OH.
YOU PLAY CHARACTERS
WHO ARE ANGRY AND NASTY.
HOW ABOUT MEAN AND ROTTEN?
ALSO GOOD.
COURAGE, THIS WOULD BE A CHANCE FOR ME
TO PRACTICE PLAYING AGAINST TYPE.
[WHINES]
LET'S TRY AN ACTING EXERCISE.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE THAT WAITRESS CRY.
BUT THAT WOULD BE SO...MEAN.
YES.
OH. HEY...
YOUR TOAST IS SOGGY.
[GIGGLES]
I FEEL SO NAUGHTY.
IT'S A START.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
HEY!
AAH!
HA HA HA HA!
AAH!
YOU WANT SOME RELISH WITH THAT? HA HA HA!
EUSTACE, THAT'S SO MEAN.
YES. IT'S PERFECT.
MORE.
GIVE ME MORE.
HEY, STUPID DOG IS NOW A STUPID HOT DOG.
HA HA HA HA!
[WHINES]
IT'S OK. IT'S ONLY ACTING...
I THINK.
OH, YES. THE CAMERA LOVES YOUR NASTINESS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. HA HA HA!
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
OOGA BOOGA WOOGA!
AAH!
HA HA HA!
OH! OW!
BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT!
NOW MAKE THE DOG FEEL
LIKE A CURDLED PUDDLE OF PIG MILK.
I'VE SEEN BETTER-LOOKING MUTTS
COME IN LAST AT THE UGLY DOG CONTEST.
YES. YES. KEEP GOING.
THE CAMERA WANTS YOUR NASTINESS.
FEED THE CAMERA.
YOU GOT A FACE THAT COULD CRACK A SINK.
OH...
STUPID DOG! HA HA HA!
AND...CUT.
YOU ART STARS TAKE A BREAK.
I'M GETTING A LITTLE REFRESHMENT.
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
I MUST RING MRS. TADOROTHY
AND TELL HER WE'RE GOING TO BE ON THE TELLY.
I TELL YOU, LAZZO,
ANGRY, NASTY PEOPLE IS GOING TO BE A BIG, BIG HIT...
HUGE.
AND THE REAL STAR OF THE SHOW
SHOULD BE HERE VERY SOON.
YES. VERY, VERY SOON.
[GASPS]
[BARKING EXCITEDLY]
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, COURAGE.
I SHOULD PLAY IT NASTIER.
OOH...
I KNOW. IN THE NEXT SCENE,
I'LL HIT HIM WITH THIS.
OK, ACTORS, BACK TO WORK.
[SIGHS]
STUPID DOG.
IDIOT DOG.
HA HA HA HA!
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
[BREATHLESSLY] I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE I'M COMPLAINING...
BUT EUSTACE IS SURE GETTING LOTS OF SCREEN TIME.
[PANTING]
THIS IS SO EXCITING. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
WHAT WE LOOK LIKE ON TV.
OK. THIS IS KIND OF ROUGH,
BUT I THINK YOU'LL GET THE IDEA.
HEY, THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.
OH, IT GETS EVEN BETTER.
HOW COULD IT GET BETTER THAN THAT?
I SHOULD EXPLAIN. THIS IS NO ORDINARY CAMERA.
IT'S BEEN RECORDING YOUR TRUE ESSENCE.
AND NOW I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY GREATEST CHARACTER, THE REAL STAR
OF ANGRY, NASTY PEOPLE...
[CRACKLING]
I DON'T THINK OUR TELLY'S EVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
EEE!
OUR TELLY'S DEFINITELY NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
AAH!
SAY HELLO TO OUR STAR...
MR. NASTY, THE LIVING EMBODIMENT
OF ALL THE FARMER'S NASTINESS.
HI. OR IN YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE...
[IMITATING MONKEY]
SAY, YOU'RE NOT BAD.
WE'RE GOING LIVE IN 5, 4, 3, 2...
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
HUH?
HELLO, IDIOTS. I'M HOME.
[CHEERING]
YOU'RE ALL LOUSY BEAN HEADS.
HA HA HA! THE FOOLS.
YOU CAN'T GROW HAIR.
YOU CAN'T GROW PLANTS.
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN GROW IS STUPIDER.
I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE A HIT, LAZZO.
DOUBLE MY SALARY,
AND I WANT MY OWN MASSAGE THERAPIST...
WITH GENTLE HANDS.
PARDON ME, MR. TARANTELLA,
BUT I THINK WE'D LIKE TO
RETIRE FROM SHOW BIZ.
MM-HMM.
RETIRE? ARE YOU CRAZY?
I'M GETTING RICH!
RICH! RICH!
WORTHLESS LOSERS.
HA HA HA!
STUPID UGLY WORTHLESS LOSERS.
HA HA HA!
IDIOT JERKS STUPID UGLY WORTHLESS LOSERS.
LOOK, MOMMY. IT'S THOSE DUMB
AND UGLY WORTHLESS LOSERS.
[LAUGHING]
STUPID DUMB STUPID IDIOTS! STUPIDS!
TOADSTOOL! SLUG!
LOUSY SACK OF WEEK-OLD HAGGIS!
PLEASE, STOP HIM.
I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM AN EXTRA.
THIS SHOW HAS ONE NASTY STAR,
AND WHAT THE NASTY STAR WANTS, THE NASTY STAR GETS.
YAY!
I'M A TOADSTOOL, A SLUG...
YOU'RE A FROG OF A WOMAN!
I'M A FROG OF A WOMAN.
[GROWLING]
AND ANOTHER THING--
NOW, THAT'S NASTY.
YES. I LOVE IT. THE WORLD LOVES IT.
THIS IS THE NASTIEST THING EVER.
Audience: DUMP HER! DUMP HER! DUMP HER!
DUMP HER!
DUMP THE FOOL. HA!
GOOD COURAGE, THIS IS JUST WHAT I DESERVE.
NO ONE'S NASTIER THAN YOU, DOG.
YOU'RE A STAR, A BIG, BIG STAR.
HEY, MR. DIRECTOR. I'M THE STAR.
WE GOT A BETTER STAR THAN YOU.
WHAT'S--HUH?
I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.
I GOT A BETTER OFFER.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
HEY, MR. NASTY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU'RE MY MEAL TICKET.
AH...AH...
AAH!
NOW, THIS IS NASTY...
[GURGLING] REAL NASTY...
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
AH, COURAGE, YOU SAVED US
FROM A LIFE IN SHOW BIZ.
I WAS WORN DOWN TO A FRAZZLE, I WAS.
LET'S WATCH A WEE TELLY.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
YOU'RE STUPID AND UGLY!
I HATE YOU!
[LAUGHTER]
LET ME HAVE IT, BIG BOY. GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT.
YOUR AGENT HATES YOU, TOO.
HE JUST NEGOTIATED YOU
A GREAT BIG PAY CUT!
WHAT?!
AND YOUR AGENT IS TAKING 95%.
[SOBBING]
STUPID FARMER!
OH, YES.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
Eustace: STUPID DOG!
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--