本字幕由Nicolas Bourbaki调轴及合并双语 首先发布于SubHD
转载请注明来源保留信息 开源分享的互联网精神你有我有大家有
圣马医院
妈，我们快赶不上电影了 Mom! We're gonna miss the movie!
－才怪 －但我们在这待好久了 -No, we're not. -Okay, but we've been here for hours.
Nicolas Bourbaki不建议也不对任何利用本字幕生成的视频负责
我不想待在这间蠢马医院 I-I don't want to hang out at the stupid horse hospital.
你有饭吃都是因为这间蠢马医院 This stupid horse hospital puts dinner on your table.
欢迎大家到我们的仓库协助改错：https://github.com/N-Bourbaki/Rick-and-Morty-Chinese-Subtitles
试着多了解这里一点也不会死 It wouldn't kill you to take an interest.
中间这台机器是什么？ W-What's this thing? I-In the middle of the room?
尾端还有洞？ With -- With the hole in the end?
那是取精器，护士会用那台机器收集生殖物质 That's a breeding mount. The nurses use it to collect...reproductive material.
好，我们去看让你们这些小鬼兴奋到不行的最新漫威电影 Okay, let's go see this latest piece of Marvel shit you kids are jizzing over.
很好，总算要去了 Yeah. A-About time.
你们医院需不需要学生志工？ So, d-does your hospital ever need, like, after-school volunteers?
你是谁，你把我儿子放在哪了？ Wow. Who are you and where did you put my son?
我是真的对你的工作很有兴趣 Ha! No, no. Seriously. I-I'm very interested in -- in your work.
一周后
莫蒂，你这只肮脏的狗 Morty, you dirty little doggy.
真是的 Ugh! Come on!
百分之百纯马精
瑞克 Hey, Rick.
你好，你过得如何？ Oh, hey, kiddo. How's your Saturday?
很轻松，你在干吗？ You know, super chill. W-W-Whatcha doin'?
没什么有趣的 Eh, nothing adventurous.
你知道我们一直在对抗的地下食人马人种族吗？ You know that race of Underground Dwelling Cannibal Horse People that we're always fighting?
对，地马，他们怎么了？ Yeah, the CHUDs. W-W-What about 'em?
别说出去，我正在研究对付他们的生化武器 Well, don't tell anybody, but I'm working on a bioweapon to use against them,
所以从你妈的医院拿了这桶马精 so I got this barrel of horse semen from your mom's hospital
我要使用外星力量来加强马精 and I'm just gonna, you know, subject it to some otherworldly forces.
我应该检测一下 Guess I should test it, make sure it's --
－测什么？－检测是不是马精 -Make sure it's what?! -Horse semen, obviously.
好，但桶子上都已经写了 Okay, but it says it is right on the barrel!
这样太不科学了，莫蒂 You're not being very scientific, Morty.
一定要讲求精确，尤其是精液 Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen.
你有先问过妈才拿走这个吗？ Did you even ask Mom if you could have this?!
莫蒂，我如果想偷马精，我就… Morty, if I wanted to steal horse semen, I'd --
我当然问过她，你在担心什么？ Yes, I asked her. What is at stake for you here?
－请相信标签，好吗？ －好，我不测了 -Why don't you trust labels?! -All right! Fine! I won't test it!
天啊，你们这一代介意的点好怪 God damn. Your generation really picks random hills to die on.
别靠太近 Don't get too close.
我要对这精液灌输非人量的力量 I'm running an inhuman amount of power through this semen.
应该很安全，这精液也是非人的，开始了 Should be safe, though, since the semen itself is, you know, also inhuman. Here we go.
怎么回事？ W-What happened?!
精子，莫蒂 The sperm, Morty!
变成超级怪兽精子了，是我的错 They're super monster sperm now! I blame myself.
除非有什么我不知道的事 Unless there was something about the sperm I didn't know.
你是要陷害我吗？ Are you -- Are you saying that to mess with me?
什么？我哪里要陷害你了？ What? Mess with you how?
你想逼我说什么吗？ Like, trying to get me to say something?
莫蒂，我不知道你在讲什么 Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about!
－真的吗？ －对 -For real? -Yes!
很好，那就是你的错 Okay. Good. Then -- Then it's your fault!
爸，到底是怎么回事？ Dad, what the hell is going on?!
贝丝，宝贝，可以先等一下吗？ Beth, sweetheart, Can you give me a minute?
我正在努力闪过邻居的尸体 I'm trying to steer around the bodies of our neighbors.
感觉是吉恩 Oh, that felt like Gene.
－都是你害的，贝丝 －爸，我发誓 That's on you, Beth.Dad, I swear--
不是瑞克的错 Mom, it's -- it's not Rick's fault, it's --
－是太空精子 －什么？ Space Sperm. What?!
对，太空精子 Yeah. Space Sperm.
但没看过这种的 I-I've seen em' before, but n-n-never like this.
太空精子？ SpaceSperm?!
来自太空的精子吗？ Sperm from Space?
你想得出来还真厉害，杰瑞 Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry.
靠，那太空屌有多大？ Holy shit. How big are space dicks?
别回答，天啊，一定很大 Don't answer that! Damn, they must be huge.
靠… Oh, shit, oh, shit, shit.
山查兹先生 Mr. Sanchez!
总统急着找你 The President is very eager to speak with you!
莫蒂，你得帮我一个忙 Morty, look, you gotta do me a solid here.
要我对那些怪兽的来源保密吗？ Y-you want me to keep the secret of where these things came from?
对，虽然是谎言，但我搞砸了 Yes, technically, it's a lie, but I messed up,
我觉得很丢脸，因为是科学 and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's, you know, science.
没问题，我会挺你的，老兄 No problem. I got your back, dawg.
真的吗？ 好，谢了，莫蒂 Really? Okay. Cool. And thanks, Morty.
我没想到你会这么爽快就答应 I thought that'd be a harder sell.
你做了很丢脸的事 Y-You did a shameful thing.
一直想也不会有帮助，对吧？ Dwelling on it isn't gonna help, you know, am I right?
有时候就是要擦掉 Sometimes you just gotta wipe it off,
丢到垃圾桶里，再回去自习室 toss it in the trash, and head back to study hall.
我不懂你的比喻，但谢谢你帮忙 Uh, not getting the metaphor but I'll take your hall pass.
山查兹，快点过来 Sanchez! Get the hell in here!
太空精子？ Space Sperm?
－天啊，太空屌多大？ －我们想得一样 Jesus, how big are space dicks?Same page club.
总统先生，宇宙基因理论 Well, Mr. President, the theory of Cosmic DNA
已经存在数十年了，卓柏卡布拉、雪怪 has been around for decades -- Chupacabras, Yeti,
巨石阵、古罗马 Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.
那些都是神话、怪兽、传说吗？ Are these all myths, monsters, legends,
还是其实都是外太空的精子？ or different names for sperm from outer space?
我认为这场混乱 I'll tell you what I think, Sanchez.
要不是你造成的 I think either youcaused this mess,
就是地底那些奇怪的马人搞的鬼 or it's those godforsaken Horse People that dwell underground.
－地马 －就是他们 -CHUDs. -CHUDs. -That's them.
如果是他们造成的，愿主帮助我 Ugh, if they're behind this, so help me, God.
莫蒂，你向来都很诚实 Morty, you've always been a straight shooter.
－你没有证据 －等等，什么？ You can't prove that! Wait, what?
对，没错，我可以保护你，小子 Oh -- oh. Right.I can protect you, little man.
说实话 Blow that whistle. Toot, toot.
这是你外公造成的吗？ Is this your grandpa's fault?
我只知道 Here's what I know, sir.
这是地球上最棒的国家 This is the greatest country on Earth.
发明了苹果派和雷射 It invented apple pies and lasers.
－没错 －我们对那些精子的事一无所知 Mm. Keep talking.And that sperm...We don't know nothin' about it.
那我就要对地马开战了 Then the CHUDs just got themselves a war.
而你逃过了无人机袭击 And you just dodged a personal drone strike.
大家好，抱歉，我来晚了 Hello! Hello. Sorry, I'm late.
这位是精子专家夏布布教授 This is Professor Shabooboo, the world's leading expert on sperm.
－谢谢你赶来 －我这阵子很闲 -Thanks for getting here so fast. -My schedule was wide open.
我已经追踪这群精子很久了 I have been tracking our new sperm friends since their arrival,
我算出它们 a-and if my calculations are correct,
应该是在这集合 they have gathered here.
精子干吗去大峡谷？ Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon?
你们干吗都觉得答案很明显？ Why are you looking at me like the answer is obvious?
有没有搞错？你们多幼稚？ Oh, you can't be serious. Are we in middle school?
－你们觉得精子会本能性跑向… －少装了，小姐 You think sperm are instinctively heading for America's --Don't high-road us, lady.
它们就是去那里 It's where they went.
要怎么处理这些 Now, how do we deal with these...
精鬼？不好吗？ "Orgasogoblins"? No takers?
那精兽呢？ Okay. These... "Cumplestiltskins?"
不好，那精怪呢？ No? Dumb? These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?"
好，精怪 Oh, yeah, yeah, Skeet Boogins.
真的？精怪？ Really? Skeet Boogins?
先暂时这么叫，之后再讨论 We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later.
总统，容我说一句话？ Mr. President, i-if I may?
我很幸运抓到了一个样本 Luckily, I was able to secure a specimen.
第一步当然就是要分析基因 Now, obviously our first steps will be to analyze its DNA
搞懂这些美丽的… and figure out what these beautiful creat--
－你干吗？ －它有枪 Oh, why?!It-it had a gun!
你疯了吗？你竟然把持枪精子带进来这里？ Are you out of your mind bringing an armed sperm in here?
它们无法持枪 But they can't holdguns!
他从不说谎 The boy literally never lies!
你如果想消灭它们 Look, if you want these things gone,
就帮我和瑞克准备飞机和核弹 give Rick and me a plane and some nukes.
我们会把它们毁尸灭迹 We'll wipe 'em out and leave no trace of them.
只能这样了 Only one way to deal with it.
他是对的，我是科学家 He's right. I'm a scientist.
好吧，把它们炸死吧 Fair enough. Blow 'em to hell.
难道大家会骂我们 What are people gonna do,
把大峡谷变更大吗？ complain we made the canyon grander?
杰瑞，我们很不尽责，做点什么 Jerry, we're being bad parents. Do something!
这是大家都能喝的水吗？ I-is this water for everyone?
－对，我想喝一杯 －马上来 -Yes, and I'd love a glass. -Comin' up!
干吗？ What are you doing?
还有，瑞克，为了避免你搞砸 And, Rick, to make sure you don't screw anything up,
我会派一群最优秀的男人陪同你 I'm sending my best men with you.
－还有女人 －这建议很棒 -And women. -It's a fine suggestion,
但它们的领袖应该不会是需要用踢拳对付的性感女王 but I doubt their leader will be a sexy queen that needs to be kickboxed.
百分百男性海军陆战队员 100% male Marines!
听说对精子割喉就像热刀切奶油 They say cutting a sperm's throat is like running a warm knife through butter.
我要让那些精子怀上死亡 I'm gonna make these things pregnant...with death!
－不恐惧 －不谦逊 -No fear! -No humility!
－不承担后果 －不承担后果 Zero chance of consequences!
嘿，我们来打赌，哪个背景陆战队员会撑最久？ Hey, gentlemen's bet -- which of these background Marines you think will last the longest?
我是不会拿人命打赌的，瑞克 I'm not betting on human lives, Rick.
这群人都会活下来 All of these people are gonna survive,
但当然是他会撑最久 but obviously that guy the longest.
,对，我也选他，他叫什么？ Yeah, he's my pick, too. What's his name?
布雷辰吗？真酷 Blazen? Pretty cool.
对，他遇到乱流还能冥想 Yeah. He's, like, meditating through turbulence.
他应该能闭眼接住掉下来的东西 Psh. I bet if something fell, he'd like, catch it without opening his eyes.
－没错 －要不要对他丢东西？ Totally. Should we throw something at him?
我身上有铅笔 I-I got a pencil somewhere.
是谁在攻击我们？ Who-who's shooting at us?!
天啊，真出乎意料 Oh, wow, that's unexpected.
精子做投石器？ The sperm made a catapult?!
是变聪明了吗？ A-A-Are they getting smarter?!
不对，是你变笨了，那叫抛石机 No, you're getting dumber because that's a trebuchet.
没人知道差异 Nobody knows the difference!
它们会继续攻击 They're reloading that textbook trebuchet!
我们该跳机了 Time to fly! Aaaaaah!
我们得继续前进 We gotta keep moving.
－超酷 －连刮伤都没有 -So cool. -Not even a scratch.
好，妹子们，我是在损你们没错 Okay, girls, and I mean that derogatorily.
我们受到攻击，需要一个大计 We just took a fat "L," and what we need is a fat "P."
大计划 A plan.
我带头，你们顾侧边 I take the lead here. You two watch the flanks.
布雷辰，你负责… Blazen, bring up the-- Hey!
不行，只有一个人可以画计划 Please, one person draws the plan!
精怪 Skeeters!
－精虫 －精精 -Jipers! -Ropers!
抱歉，我们到底要怎么称呼它们？ I'm sorry, but what the hell are we calling them?
好吧，我要死了，我来取名字 Fine. I'm dying, so I get to pick the name.
精子糖霜甜甜圈 Crispy Cremes with a "C"!
冷静点，小子，没事的… Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy. It's okay. I-I-It's okay.
你认得我吗？ Do you...recognize me?
你知道你是我生出来的？ Do you know you came from me?
我叫莫蒂 I'm Morty.
我就叫你黏黏 I'll call ya "Sticky,"
因为你很黏，而且你卡住了 'c-'cause you're sticky and -- and you're stuck.
让开，莫蒂 Step aside, Morty.
没关系，不用杀它 It's okay. Y-You don't gotta do this.
它是单分染色体基因，莫蒂 It's haploid genetic code, Morty,
也是授精机器 a biological fertilizing machine.
你是怎么了？ W-What's gotten into you?
瑞克，放它走吧 Rick, let him go.
莫蒂，别闹了 Morty, don't fuck with me.
到底怎么回事？ What the hell's going on with you?
我应该知道是怎么回事了 I think I know exactly what's going on here.
我开玩笑的，这根本没道理 Kidding. This shit is totally random.
－继续前进 －往哪走？ -Let's keep moving. -W-Which way?
一种感官受限，其他感官就会更敏锐 When one sense is bound, the others are released.
靠，他闻得出山洞吗？ Holy shit. He -- He can smell caves?
我什么都不想闻 I'm not trying to smell anything.
整个地球都是宿舍垃圾桶的味道 The whole planet's a dorm room trash can.
总统，瑞克山查兹消失了 Sir, Rick Sanchez has gone dark.
我就知道我们不能信任他 I knew we couldn't rely on him!
或许是飞行员 Well, maybe the pilot got too horny
在靠近美国的阴道时太性奋了 as they approached America's Vagina.
你如果要待在我的作战室 If you're gonna hang out in my war room,
就不能只会酸言酸语 you can't just make snarky comments.
至少做点事，像杰瑞那样 At least do something useful, like Jerry.
我知道你喜欢倒到满 Right to the top, just the way you like it.
现在瑞克跟我们的核弹都消失了 Here's our situation. Rick's gone, and so are all our nukes.
怎么办？ Now what?
－你们都没想法吗？ －我有 -None of you have an idea? -I do.
没错，就是我这个小女孩 That's right, me -- the girl.
各位先生，精子想要什么？ Gentlemen, what do sperm want?
就像早上的伐木工或晚上的狐狸 The same thing as a lumberjack in the morning or a fox at night.
－裤子 －卵 Pants! Eggs.
－松饼 －卵… Pancakes! Eggs.
要控制巨大精子就要用巨大卵子 You want to control giant sperm, you need a giant egg.
等等… W-W-Wait a minute. Wait -- wait a minute.
精子是猎人，精子会猎什么？ Sperm are hunters. And what do sperm hunt?
－卵子 －没错 -Eggs. -Exactly.
如果我们把一颗卵子放大呢？ And what would happen if we enlargedone?
它们就会冲过来，联络麻省理工 They'll head right for it! Get MIT on the phone.
颁发诺贝尔奖给他 And get this guy a Nobel Prize.
你今天成为了女人 You became a woman today.
布雷辰，你有小孩吗？ So, Blazen, you got kids?
战场就是我的家人 The battlefield is myfamily.
－超酷 －好屌的硬汉 -So cool. -Wicked badass.
你们走，我来缠住它们 Go. I'll hold 'em off.
布雷辰，你不用这样 Blazen, you don't have to do this.
这是我的命运 Shh. It is my destiny.
没错，莫蒂，这是身为布雷辰的代价 He's right, Morty. It's the price of being Blazen.
别拦他 Let him do his thing.
血债血还 Blood for blood.
精债精还 Cream for cream.
糟糕，我碰不到 Oh, no. I can't reach that!
笨蛋 Idiot!
干吗？这很舒服 What?! They're comfortable!
你们要试试看 You should try them!
没办法了，我成了虫子的食物 That'll do it. I'm worm food.
莫蒂，去找我老婆 Morty, find my wife.
跟她说我没穿她的丁字裤 Tell her I wasn't wearing her thong.
《运动画刊》模特儿凯西爱尔兰 That's a photocopy of "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model Kathy Ireland.
她是我老婆，我们会做爱 It's -- it's my wife. We have sex.
帮我拿照片，我要再跟她做一次 Here, hold that picture up so we can have sex one last time.
我会自吹 I-I know how to suck myself.
什么？ What?!
我完全错看他了 Ugh, I was so wrong about this guy.
他连时间都没帮我们争取到 He didn't even buy us any time.
莫蒂，我要放烟火了 Morty, get ready for some fireworks.
真恶心 Uh-oh.Oh, gross!
这是我第一次后悔被抓 This is the first time I've ever regretted being taken alive.
等等，那是谁？ Wait, who the fuck is that?!
看到我请安静 Silence in the presence of me.
我是精子女王 I am The Sperm Queen,
我对你很有兴趣 and youare of special interest to me.
你们他妈干吗乱拿我的东西？ Hey, what the fuck are you doing with my stuff?
我女儿医院的取精机怎么在这？ A-And why do you have the horse jerkoff machine from my daughter's hospital?
我们需要用来建立军队 We need it to create our army.
这样还不够，笨蛋，你还需要马 Well, you need more than that, dummy. You need a horse.
但我们的种马就在这里 Oh but our stallion is already here.
对不对，莫蒂？ Isn't that right, Morty?
还是我该叫你一声爸？ Or shall I say... Father?
莫蒂，你这恶心又爱说谎又导致世界毁灭的变态 Morty, you nasty, lying, little world-ending pervert.
对不起 I-I-I'm sorry.
－爽吗？ －很爽 -What was it like? -Fantastic!
瑞克，对不起 Rick, I'm sorry!
我还以为我一直用取精机 I-I just thought maybe I could have repeated sex
不会导致世界末日 with a horse machine without it becoming Armageddon.
这全是我的错 I-I realize that's on me.
我被困住了，我不接受你的道歉 Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo.
都是你不该以我们为耻，莫蒂 This is all your fault for being ashamed of us, Morty.
有无数个精子为了你送死 How many millions went to their graves for you,
努力向前冲 hurling themselves into the void,
结果是恶心的袜子 only to discover a grody sock
或是精心折好的卫生纸跑道？ or a carefully folded landing strip of toilet paper?
你怎么都知道？ How do you know all this?!
亲爱的，我们是你的精华 Oh, honey, because we're the very essence of you.
我们是你羞耻的体现 We are your shame incarnate.
等我们完事之后 And once we're through with you,
我们的精子大军就会称霸世界 our sperm army will take over the world!
启用机器 Put him on the machine!
－瑞克，快做点什么 －没问题 -Rick, do something! -On it.
－你做了什么？ －离开你视野 -Wh-what did you do? -I got out of your eyeline.
不 Oh, no. Oh! Oh!
没错，末日将至 Yes! The end is near!
有什么遗言吗？ Any last words?
－黏黏 －真恶，你语文造诣很烂，莫蒂，但… -Sticky! -Gross. I know you're not a wordsmith, Morty, but --
不，是我的精子朋友 No, no, no, my-my sperm friend is here!
你不该帮怪物取名字 Ugh, never give 'em a name.
笨蛋，你们是无法赢过我的 Fools! You can't beat me!
你们没找会踢拳的女人来 You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox!
你就这点本事吗？ Is that all you got?
这真是标准的小兵立大功 Damn, that's some quintessential underdog shit.
杀死他们 Kill them!
好耶 Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
我应该对你说实话的，瑞克 I-I should've told you the truth, Rick.
我们先去拯救地球吧 Let's save the world first.
重新启动核弹，把这个峡谷炸烂 Now, reset those nukes, and let's turn this canyon into a can't-yon.
亚利桑那州会有地震吗？ There usually earthquakes in Arizona?
它们正要前往赌城 They're heading for Vegas,
各方面来说都很合理，但为何如此突然？ which doestrack on many levels, but why now?
搞什么？ What the?
一同为夏布布教授和这卵子欢呼 Let's hear it for Professor Shabooboo and his brilliant egg.
－你们没忘记谁吗？ －没错 Um, hello? Aren't you forgetting someone? Oh, good point.
也要感谢太阳马戏团人类动物园的演出团队 Big thanks to the cast of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"
带来了精彩又情色的表演 for the impressive and erotic routine.
总统先生，瑞克山查兹来电 Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line.
很好，开扩音吧 Good. Put that asshole on speaker.
真是的 Well, well, well.
你完全没帮上忙，我们改用巨大人类卵子吸引精子 No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm with a giant human egg, even though,
虽然赌城应该就足以吸引精子了 symbolically speaking, Vegas should be enough.
人类卵子？ A human egg?
那是哪来的？ Where-where-where did you get it?
问得好，是你孙女的 Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's,
所以你至少还有一点贡献 so at least you contributed somethingto this.
总统先生，我是莫蒂 Mister President! It's Morty!
那些精子是我的，都是我的 It's my sperm! I-It's all mine!
－什么？ －我是下流的变态 -What?! -I'm a dirty little perverted maniac.
我一整个星期都用动物设备自慰 I spent a week pleasuring myself with animal equipment,
我的精子意外变成了怪兽 and my sperm got turned into monsters on accident
因为我一直说谎，因为我很羞愧 because I kept lying about it because I was ashamed!
你是该感到羞愧 You should be!
天啊，我们都年轻气盛过 My God, man, we were all 14 once
但你应该要有自制能力 but it's called self-control.
别让它们碰到我姐的卵子，总统 Don't let them reach my sister's egg, Mr. President!
不然会变成巨大… You'll be making a giant --
乱伦宝宝 Incest baby.
什么？谁说的？ What? Who told you that?
什么？我只是帮他把话讲完 What? I-I was finishing his sentence.
好，跟我们走 Oh. Right. Come with us.
精子是莫蒂的 The sperm is Morty's!
我们会做出巨大乱伦宝宝 We're about to make a giant incest baby!
真是屋漏偏逢连夜雨 Aw, well, now we're all in our darkest hour.
快发射卵子… Launch the egg! Launch it now!
－要花半小时 －为何？ B-But that'll take 30 minutes. -What?! Why?!
每次发射火箭都是 That's how long every space launch takes!
大家都不知道，因为电视只会播最后十秒 No one realizes because they only show you the last 10 seconds!
帮帮我 Uh, uh, help me out here.
嘿，但这是你的点子，对吧？ Hey, it was your idea, right?
好，别慌张，各位 Okay, okay, n-no need to panic, everyone.
我有个办法 I have a simple solution.
我们地狱见了 See you all in hell!
这又没帮上忙 I don't see how that'sgoing to help.
快建立防线，无论如何都要保护那颗卵子 Form a perimeter! Protect that egg at all costs!
我一直都知道你的荷尔蒙 I always knew your hormones would cause a world war
会引起人类和食人马人间的战争 between humans and Cannibalistic Horse People.
但我没想到会是这样 I just didn't know it would be like this.
我无法改变我的本性 I can't change my nature.
你是纳瓦荷寓言里的蝎子吗？ What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable?
每个人都能改变本性，莫蒂 Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
所以我们才是人类 It's what defines our species.
看看钢铁人 Look at Iron Man.
他的演员1990年代时很堕落 That actor was an animal in the '90s,
会在树丛中醒来 literally waking up in bushes.
－他的经纪人还得用补蝶网… －安静 -His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net. -Silence!
瑞克山查兹，你也知道我找你来的原因 Rick Sanchez, you know why you're here.
对，是我孙子的错 Yeah, it was my grandson's fault.
－你跟我女儿上了床 －有吗？ -You slept with my daughter! -I did?
靠，我想起来了 Oh, shit, I did.
请原谅我，大人 Forgive me, Your CHUDness.
我会洗心革面 I'm a changed man starting now.
你竟然是来地马王国请求原谅？ You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs for forgiveness?
地马不会原谅人 CHUDs don't forgive humans.
地马只会吃人 CHUDs eat humans!
我们真的太堕落了 This is out there, even for us.
注意言词，莫蒂 They can hear you, Morty.
把他煮熟，真好吃 Boil him up! Yum, yum!
添加香料，好棒棒 Spice him right! Oh, boy!
吃掉人肉，真好吃 Eat the flesh! Yum, yum!
不吃骨头，绝不要 Not the bones! Oh, no!
会肚子痛，好痛痛 Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch!
父王，快点停手 Father! Stop this at once!
－波妮塔公主 －你不能杀瑞克 -Princess Poñeta! -You can't kill Rícko!
我爱他 I -- I love him!
没错，我也爱你，波妮塔公主 Right! I-I love you, too, Princess Poñeta.
这是禁忌之爱 This love is forbidden.
女儿，你是地马 My daughter, you are a CHUD.
瑞克是人类，而且年纪差太多了 Rick is a human and age-inappropriate.
那我就别无选择 Then you leave me nochoice.
依照地马宪法第17条规定 By the 17th Article of the CHUD-stitution,
我在此赦免瑞克山查兹 I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity
并宣告地马与人类停战 and demand a equestri-truce between all CHUDs and humans!
凭什么？ On what grounds?
因为瑞克是我孩子的爸 On the grounds that Rícko is the father of my child.
我有继承人了 I have an heir.
我有物质滥用问题 I have a substance-abuse problem.
预言成真了 The Prophecy has come true!
另外，是不是有人掉了卷轴？ Also, did someone drop a scroll?
是我，这边，抱歉 Here we go. Over here. Sorry.
杀精剂
哪来这么多杀精剂？ Where did you get all that?
－这里是赌城 －总统 -It's Vegas. -Sir!
赌城大道已经净空了，但我担心会没办法守住防线 The Strip has been evacuated, but I'm worried we won't be able to hold the perimeter.
那就请长居赌城的人帮忙 Then deputize Las Vegas regulars.
今天大家都是爱国者 Everyone's a patriot today.
连我也是 Even me!
请退后，惊奇的强纳森 Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan.
男人满脑子就只有枪 Men and their guns. Metaphorical and not.
没错 Tell me about it.
做好准备，这个世界可不需要巨大乱伦宝宝 Get ready, boys! The last thing this world needs is a giant incest baby.
－它们来了 －很好 -Oorah! Here they come! -Nice!
不要让任何精子碰到卵子 Do not let a single sperm get through to that egg!
需要担心身上有炸弹的那个吗？ Um, should we be concerned about that scary bomb-laden one?
小姐，交给男人就好 Honey, let the men handle this.
我们应… I think we know a thing or two about --
女人得负所有责任 Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility
却没有功劳 with none of the credit?
我们一起效法南西雷根吧 Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch.
我们挡不住它们 Dammit! We can't stop them.
我们人力不足 We don't have the manpower!
那马力呢？ What about horsepower?
我的老天爷啊 Sweet Lady Liberty.
瑞克终结了我们和地马的战争 That sonofamare Rick has ended our centuries-long war with the CHUDs.
－总算停战了 －地马好棒 -We made peace with the CHUDs! -The CHUDs are our buds!
瑞克，人类需要我们 Rícko! The hoofless -- they need us!
来吧，地马地马好棒棒 Let's do this. CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
地马地马好棒棒 CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
赌场
扑克
幻景，魅力之王
妈，我保证一定会用保险套，就算走后门也是 Mom, I promise to use condoms, even when it's butt stuff.
好吧，我们今晚有很多事要谈 Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight.
这是你的心脏吗？ Is this your heart?
我只是在开玩笑 It's a play on, "Is this your card?"
你没有心脏 You don't have a heart,
但这可能是某种负责推动内质网运输物质的细胞器 uh, but this is probably some kind of organelle, in charge of pumping endoplasmic reticulum throughout your membrane and therefore,
所以也等同是你的心脏 relative to you, functions asa heart.
我再问一次，这是你的心脏吗？ So, I ask you again, is this your heart?
莫蒂，你看 Morty, look!
我不会就这样被打倒的，瑞克 I won't just be thrown away, Rick!
那颗卵子是我的 The egg is mine!
黏黏，全靠你了，兄弟 Sticky! It's all you, bud!
不 Noooo!
黏黏 Sticky!
干 Fuck!
－有心跳了 －管他的 -We got a heartbeat. -Screw that!
那是生命，而且现在是选举时期 That's a human life, and this is an election cycle.
－你得做点什么 －不用 -You have to do something! -Nope.
就交给太空去烦恼吧 It's space's problem now.
真糟糕 Oh, this sucks.
《运动画刊》模特儿凯西爱尔兰 You're "Sports Illustrated"'s Kathy Ireland.
我先生布雷辰死时你也在场 You were with my husband, Blazen, when he died.
你说，他有没有穿我的丁字裤？ Please tell me... was he wearing my thong?
他或许有交代你别跟我说 He probably told you not to tell me.
他很羞愧，但他不需要觉得羞愧 He was ashamed of it, but he didn't need to be.
真希望他穿着 I hope he waswearing it.
永远都该说实话 Always be honest.
有时会伤害人 Sometimes it will hurt people.
有时会帮助人，但永远都该说实话 Sometimes it will help. But always be honest.
对，他有穿 Huh. Yeah, yeah, he -- he waswearing it.
那恶心的变态 Ew! That gross animal pig!
总而言之，我认为… So, trying to boil this all down, I-I want to say it's import--
闭嘴，莫蒂，我自己有准备结语 Shut up, Morty, I got my own epilogue.
瑞克，我爱你 Oh, Rícko, I love you.
证明给我看 Prove it.
我好喜欢亲你的大马牙 Oh, I love kissing those big ol' horse teeth.
就像在舔瓷砖一样 It's like lickin' tile.
我决定要为了你而定下来 Oh! I swear... it's time someone made an honest man out of me.
无论你需要什么，我都会做到 Whatever you need, the whole nine yards, you got it.
可是瑞克，时候到了 The thing is, Rícko... it's time.
靠，时候到了 Oh, shit, oh, shit. It's time!
天啊，太棒了 Oh, my God, it's wonderful.
天啊，我们不用扶养孩子吗？ Oh, wow. So we don't have to, you know, r-raise it?
不用，孩子一出生就能自理 Nah. They're ready to go right out of the box.
真棒，那就再见了吗？ Cool, cool. So...bye?
对，保重，瑞克 Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick.
你也是 Yep. Same.
还真轻松 That was easy.
休士顿，请授权开启右侧面版 Houston, permission to open the starboard panel.
授权通过 Permission granted.
开启中 Firing breach now.
探索者，我们侦测到压力增加 Explorer, our readouts show a pressure spike.
有什么问题吗？ Everything alright?
说实话，我有时候看着地球 Honestly, sometimes staring back at Earth
会想起我抛下的那些人 makes me think about the people I left behind --
我老婆，她为了绑住我生的儿子 my wife, the son she had to anchor me there.
我曾试图当个好爸爸，是真的 I tried to be a parent, I really did,
但我发现自己只适合当太空人 but I've come to find I'm only suited to be a spaceman.
在这里的好处就是没有东西会让我想起我抛下家人的内疚感 The nicest part of being up here is there are no reminders of the guilt I sometimes feel about abandoning my family.
抱歉，休士顿，我好像听到了什么声音 Sorry, Houston, I thought I heard something.
不是我们这边的声音 Negative on our end.
不，等等，有个巨大的物体 No, wait, there's something big
而且正在靠近你 and it's coming right at you!Goo, goo, gah, gah.
天啊，不，不可能是真的 Dear God. No! You can't be real!
探索者，是什么？你看到什么？ Explorer, what is it? What the hell do you see?!
我的良知 My conscience.
探索者 Explorer! Explorer! Aaah!
你还在吗？ Are you there? Aaaaaah!
天啊，我不会想念他的 Geez. Not gonna miss that guy. Aaaaah!
－对吧？ －他戏真多 -Right? -So dramatic.