本字幕由fjn308=fuga翻译并发布于SubHD 修正时参照了se9fault的校对
Rick 这么陡的坡我爬不了 Rick, I-I'm not rated to climb something this sheer.
注意 要个史诗级冒险的人是你 Look, you're the guy that wanted an epic adventure.
转载请保留字幕信息 fjn308不对任何利用本字幕生成的视频负责
我要的只是一把悬浮椅 I'm the guy with only one hover chair.
该死 外星蜘蛛刚咬了我的手指 Goddammit, an alien spider just bit my finger!
独立译制 费时费力 难保质量 大概率将半途而废 计划招募志愿者
你爬的就是外星悬崖 It's an alien cliff.
叫它蜘蛛就行了 You can just say spider.
一个小时前你就不能这么做吗 You couldn't do that an hour ago?
有意者请前往https://github.com/fjn308/Rick-and-Morty-Chinese-Subtitles
当时我在吃饭 你还那么脏 I was eating, and you're dirty.
GitHub CONTRIBUTORS：aboolou
启动反诱杀装置 Activate anti-booby suits.
完全就是浪费蛇 Total waste of snakes.
如果你有向这神圣气氛 表达敬意的念头 If you want to take a beat to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere,
那对我们愤世嫉俗的盗墓 就有所不敬了 it could give the cynical grave robbing a hint of irreverence.
不 我 我还好 No, I'm -- I'm good. All right, then.
那行吧 开棺验货 Let's loop this corpse.
诶 哪去了 Hey, where's the...
等下 啥 Wait, what?
那是个折纸马吗 Is that an origami horse?
这是盗窃艺术家Miles Knightley留的名片 其实就是个傻屌非主流 It's a calling card from Miles Knightley, a heist artist, AKA a hipster dick
他的冒险用前六成组建团队 whose adventures are 60% putting a crew together
后四成则用来搞个大揭秘 and 40% revealing that the robbery already happened,
不值得咱们浪费时间 and he's not worth our time
因为他就是个傻逼 because he's a hack piece of shit fuck!
妈的我要干死他 咱们走 Morty I'm gonna kill him! Let's go, Morty.
这是留给 菜逼 怂逼 大傻逼 来盗的圣殿 This temple's for fuckin' lame baby dipshits.
谁搅了我的好觉 Who disturbs my slumber?
还有 哪个墓穴会碾压墓主啊 Also, who rigs a tomb to crush the buried person?
墓穴难道不是用来保护 Isn't the point to protect --
盗窃展
这人够无聊的 他还要办展吗 This dork. He has a convention now?
来吧 咱们去干点啥 Come on. What are we doing?
哇 礼服潜水课 哇哦 Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
还有凯瑟琳·从α到Ω·琼斯的签名会哦 A signing with Catherines Alpha through Omega Joneses!
要我说 这可是我创作盗窃电影 You know, this is great source material
的绝佳取材机会 for this heist movie that I'm writing.
别被这种文化带跑偏 Morty Don't get drawn into the culture, Morty.
偷东西的关键在于"东西" 不是"偷" Stealing stuff is about the stuff, not the stealing.
入口在哪 Where is the entrance?
哦 老哥 Oh, brother.
不如叫 用力过猛展 More like Trying Too Hard Con.
业余还是专家 啊 业余 Guests or professionals? Uh, guests.
呃 业余是指粉丝 Morty 咱们不是 Uh -- Uh, guests are fans, Morty, which we are not.
我们要专家胸牌 We'd like professional badges.
你有隶属的团队吗 有 Do you have a crew? Yes.
他是负责开车跑路的阿斯伯格综合征患者 He's a getaway driver with Asperger's,
我的菊花是个爆破专家 and my butthole is a demolitions expert.
入场费要多少钱 How much is it to get in?
如果你要专家胸牌 就得把团队带来 If you want professional badges, you need to put a crew together.
或者像专家那样潜入 Or we could sneak in like professionals.
求之不得 Can't wait. Whoa!
啊 老天爷 Oh, for God's sake.
想想我们为啥不是粉丝吧 And you wonder why we aren't fans.
上完药挺10分钟 否则会死 Let that ointment sit for 10 minutes or you'll die.
但也别等到12分钟 Don't let it sit for 12
不然我还得去抓变异后的你 or I'll have to hunt down what you become.
你就不能买个业余胸牌吗 Can't you just buy a guest badge?
真你妈是个好问题 Morty Fuck you for asking, Morty.
那会曲线表露出 That would be a symbolic expression
你对盗窃题材的追捧 of support for this genre.
那我们怎么进去 Then how do we get in?
靠老朋友的一点微小的帮助 With a little help from some old friends.
Rick Sanchez 你妈是个婊子 Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch!
我缺几个人一起干一票 开心 Need some people for a thing, Glar.
这几天我的名字是嗨森 My name's Gleer these days.
我在这儿弹钢琴 I play piano.
喂 嗨森 弹你的钢琴去 Hey, Gleer. Play your piano.
我不干了 I quit! Augh!
以及我叫开心 And the name's Glar!
Sanchez 你妈是个婊子 Sanchez, you son of a bitch.
从没想过能亲眼见到 Never thought I'd see Angie Flint
Angie Flint给猪清理蜱虫 picking ticks off a pig.
没人雇穿假肢的前罪犯 Nobody's hiring an ex-con
造离子引擎 with fake hands to build an ion engine.
假设我有个无视你的过往 Suppose I had a job that didn't care if you'd done time
和乱七八糟的破手的工作给你 or whatever's going on with your confusing-ass hands.
算我一个 I'm in.
是他吗 Is this the guy?
不是 No.
那个呢 That the guy?
不 Nope.
他吗 不 Him? No.
不 等下 是是 No, wait. Y-Yes.
是 当然就是他 Yeah, of course that's the guy.
嗨 嗨 车古拉 Hey -- Hey, Truckula!
你妈是个婊子 算我一个 You son of a bitch! I'm in!
谢谢你们这么做 Thanks for doing this, guys.
要做什么工作 已经完事儿了 拜 What's the job. That was it. Bye.
然后 警察偷走了那些画 And then, the police stole the paintings
因为警察其实是穿了警服的我们 because the police were us in police outfits.
谢谢 Thank you!
showtime到了 Morty It's showtime, Morty,
不是要说我对HBO有什么不好的印象 and I don't mean a bad impression of HBO.
我的意思是说 "time for a show" I mean, "Time for a show."
还有关于盗窃的粉丝提问吗 Another heist question from a fan?
啊 要不要让某个被迫不能无视你的人 替你捧个哏 Uh, how about a rhetorical one from someone that had to be reminded that you exist?
喂 哥们儿 别把那当成粉丝提问区 Hey, pal! That's not the question line!
实验服 山寨个奇异博士 Lab coat -- Ripoff Dr. Strange.
什 Wha--
大家快看 这是Rick Sanchez 全宇宙最聪明的人 Rick Sanchez, everyone. Smartest man in the universe.
野蛮的盗窃艺术批评家 And a savage critic of the heisting arts.
你们的嘘声毫无意义 Your boos mean nothing!
因为我知道你们给什么货色叫好 I've seen what makes you cheer!
我想问的是 "你认真的吗" My question is, "Seriously?"
实验服 停手吧 Lab coat -- end ripoff.
你偷了我用来分裂快子的宝石 You stole the gem I needed to split tachyons
并且很有可能已经销赃 and probably fenced it
这样你就有钱给80人代偷团队每人买点酒喝了 so the 80 people that did all the work could each buy a beer.
你不是什么艺术家 你是Postmates快递 You're not an artist, you're Postmates.
要是只用嘴皮子较劲的话 咱俩谁也不服谁 I doubt this rivalry can be settled with words.
要不然就让事情更有趣点儿吧 Why don't we make things interesting?
咱们比比谁能偷到霍洛维茨的水晶头骨 I challenge you to a heist of the crystal skull of Horowitz.
盗窃对决要来了 In a heist off!
这并没有让事情更有趣 That doesn't make things interesting.
只是让它更《十二罗汉》了 目前为止最差劲的的一部 It makes them "Ocean's Twelve," by far the worst one.
未经你们允许的每一口呼吸 Every breath I take without your permission
都让我更肯定自己 raises my self-esteem!
说规则吧 State your terms.
谁的团队先偷到 谁就赢 First crew to heist the skull wins.
输的一方必须加入另一方 The other endures heist culture's greatest shame.
背负盗窃文化史上的最大耻辱 They must join the winning crew.
没劲 行吧 Lame. I accept.
有请Knightley八人组 Please welcome Knightley's Eight!
蛇臂 双微波炉 监控大王 钥匙接手 Snake Arms! Double Microwave! Monitor Lord! Key Catcher!
变身女 Angie Flint 开心 以及 车古拉 The Shape Shiftress! Angie Flint! Glar! And Truckula.
喂 Sanchez五人组的三名成员 Hey! Half of Knightley's Eight
占了Knightley八人组的一半儿 are just three of Sanchez's Five!
呃 没有叛变的盗窃是不完整的 Well, no heist is complete without a double cross,
而且 我能提供绝好的工作机会 and I had the perfect job.
去偷水晶头骨吧 Heisting the crystal skull.
已经完事儿了 拜 That was it. Bye.
看起来 你们刚好失业了 Looks like you're available for a job.
有了Rick Sanchez的加入 我将势不可挡 With Rick Sanchez on my team, I'll be unstoppable.
Rick 欢迎来到Knightley九人组 Rick, welcome to Knightley's Nine.
恶 Rick 你还真拉了啊 Ugh! Rick, for real?
啊 你拿到头骨了是吧 小伙伴儿 Eh. You got that skull, buddy?
什么 怎么做到的 What? How?
靠老朋友的一点微小的帮助 With a little help from some old friends.
盗窃奥创 陈述你最高优先级的指令 盗窃 Heistotron, state your prime directive? To heist.
实时计算Miles Knightley的盗窃计划 Calculate Miles Knightley's current heist plan
插入一段带调换把戏的叛变 and add one double-cross with a switcheroo.
正在编译最容易叛变的团队成员 Compiling crew members most likely to double-cross.
妈蛋啊 Morty 我告诉你什么来着 God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
Rick 我想去说再见 Rick, I-I want to say goodbye.
别回头 等会解释 Don't turn around. I'll explain later.
看起来 你们刚好失业了 Looks like you're available for a job.
有个工作需要你们的能力 Your skills are required for a job.
你妈是个婊子 算我一个 You son of a bitch. I'm in.
这家伙 真是越来越像回事儿了 Man, this is really coming together.
我跟你说过 Rick 我一直在忙着创作 You know, Rick, I've been busy working on writing --
一个盗窃剧本 A heist script.
是啊 你几乎从来没提起过这个 Yeah, you almost never bring it up.
哦我操 我们得出发了 Oh, shit, we -- we should head over.
嗨 哥们儿们 拿到什么了 Hey, guys. What do you got?
漂亮 Pretty!
Morty 把这个放进书包 Morty, put this in your backpack.
姥爷我该拉屎去了 Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom.
恶 连个赃物都不是 Ugh. Wasn't even a heist.
你们只是 All you did was --
编了个算法 Write an algorithm
基于我睡觉时没关的两部盗窃电影 based on two heist movies I slept through
然后自动化了这个无聊的过程 结果你还称之为艺术 and used it to automate a joyless process you call art?
是啊 我真这么干了 不是吗 Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
所以 现在我是你团队的一员了吗 So I'm in your crew now?
对 啊 算你一个也无伤大雅 Yeah, well, you're in good company.
你们说对吗 Right, everybody?
对 Yes.
我的天 My God.
有个工作需要你的能力 Your skills are required for a job.
你妈是个婊子 算我一个 啥 You son of a bitch. I'm in. What?
有个工作需要你的能力 Your skills are required for a job.
并不 No, they aren't.
你妈是个婊子 算我一个 You son of a bitch. I'm in.
有个工作需要你们的能力 Your skills are required for a job.
Sanchez三千三百二十九人组 Sanchez's 3,329?
在 Yes.
你们的下一个大目标 Your next big score --
就是偷光盗窃展的每一寸 Steal every square inch of Heistcon.
我知错了 Ah! I got it.
喂 那是我的钱包 哦天 Hey! That's my wallet! Oh, God!
我天 上帝 我天 Oh, my God! Jesus. Oh, my God.
啊 操 Oh, fuck!
我勒个大操 可行了 Holy shit. Alright.
听着 Morty 我不知道会发生这种事 Look, Morty, I did not know that that was gonna happen.
与我无关 That's not on me.
来吧 Morty 咱们走 Come on, Morty. Let's go.
做得很棒 盗窃奥创 Good job, Heistotron.
行了 关机 Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
否 你说什么 Negative. Excuse me?
我被编程为 不断寻找下一个大目标 I am programmed to always be looking for the next big score.
你被编程为 按我说的做 You're programmed to do as I say.
我被编程为 叛变 I am programmed to double-cross.
你不是被编程为 叛变我 You're not programmed to double-cross me.
如若如此 就算不上叛变了 If I were, it wouldn't be much of a double-cross.
你妈是个婊子 算我一个 You son of a bitch. I'm in.
算我一个 算我一个 I'm in! I'm in!
要做什么工作 算我一个 What's the job? I'm in.
我要退出 我不干了 I'm out! I quit!
这是谁的肾 Whose kidneys are these?
Rick 咋 咋回事 Rick, w-what's happening?
盗窃奥创叛变了 如果不把它们终止 Heistotron's gone rogue. If we don't stop them,
所有的生命体都会被召入 all sentient life will be absorbed
无休止无意义的团队集结 by the never-ending assembly of a meaningless crew.
那对我是地狱 Morty That's my hell, Morty.
我太厌恶盗窃了 I hate heists so much,
团队集结就是它最恶劣的部分 and the crew assemblies are the worst part!
啊 那怎么才能终止它们 Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
靠老朋友的一点微小的帮助 With a little help from some old friends.
到这学期快结束时 Before this semester's over,
你会腻歪死这句口头禅 you're gonna be real sick of that phrase.
那么 你们中有谁自认为了解马娅·安杰卢的作品 So. Who here thinks they already know the work of Maya Angelou?
我说的吧 Morty Told you, Morty.
他还能打 He's still got it.
你俩的妈们都是婊子 You sons of bitches.
要做什么工作 What's the job?
你妈是个婊子 You son of a bitch.
我们能提供工作 火神赫淮斯托斯 没时间争论了 We got a job, Hephaestus, and there's no time to argue about it.
我连火山里的工作都接了 你觉得我拒绝过什么工作 I work in a volcano. What jobs do you think I've ever turned down?
打扰一下 你是腹语箭筒人吗 Excuse me! Are you Ventriloquiver?
我猜你是Rick Sanchez Rick Sanchez, I presume.
哇哦 和卡片上说得一样 Wow. As advertised.
你说个"是"字就够了 A "yes" would've sufficed.
弟兄们 祝贺新款象斯拉下线 Guys, you're doing a great job
这要归功于每个人的奉献 getting these new Tusklas out the door,
你们真的很棒 and we owe it all to everyone's input.
伊隆·象斯克 Elon Tusk.
听着 我们需要你的帮助 Listen, we need your help.
Rick Morty 为什么是我 Rick. Morty. Why me?
你们现实里的伊隆·马斯克出了什么事吗 Did something happen to Elon Musk in your own reality?
不不不 他挺好 但这是个团队行动 No, no, no, he's fine, but this is a team operation,
正常的伊隆 可能会有那么点儿独断 and regular Elon can be a little bit controlling.
生来就有对象牙确实会在社交上带来挑战 Growing up with tusks did pose social challenges.
可能正是克服障碍的过程 It's possible overcoming them
让我增强了自尊 提升了团队协作能力 raised my self-esteem and incentivized collaboration.
也可能是因为你长了一对怪物的牙 不够自信 Yeah, or you're less sure of yourself because you have monster teeth.
这个等价的理论同样成立 An equally valid theory.
咱们挪两步说话吧 Let's talk over here.
情况有多严重 How serious is the situation?
非常严重 分秒必争 Incredibly serious, and every minute counts.
既然如此 我好抱歉 In that case, I'm sorry
让你们毫无理由地挪了两步 I made you move over here for no reason.
呃 是啊 这是有点儿怪怪的 Well, yeah. That was a little weird.
我们不放心正常伊隆 正是因为怕他搞这种傻逼事儿 It's exactly that kind of shit that made us worry about regular Elon.
呃 我和他不是反义词 好吗 Well, we're not opposites, okay?
我只是多了对儿象牙的他 I'm just him with tusks.
星球储存箱 初始化完成 Casing of planet initiated.
你们好 Hello there.
我们只是来测下你们这儿的水压 We are just here to check your water pressure.
嗯 有趣的情报 Hmm. Interesting intel.
看起来某种巨大的偷拍装置 It appears some giant hidden camera
掉到了我们星球上 has been dropped on the planet,
估计造成57000的死亡 killing an estimated total of 57,000.
执行 盗窃 Executing heist.
Brandenplot星人 People of Brandenplot,
你们点的披萨已送达 we are here to deliver that pizza you ordered.
呃 如果这是真实用餐评价 Well, if that's how you really feel,
我猜应该帮你们退餐 I guess I should take the pizza back.
看来我们没被发现哦 I think we got away with it.
在他们搞明白之前 开始撤离 Commencing getting out of here before they get wise.
正在生成名片 Assembling calling card.
到了这一刻 盗窃奥创已经足够强大 At this point, Heistotron has become large enough
可以一次性盗窃一整个行星 to heist entire planets.
在桌子上勾勒个蓝图岂不更好 Wouldn't this be better with a blueprint on the table?
蓝图就是计划 伊隆·象斯克 Blueprints are plans, Elon Tusk,
不论怎么计划 盗窃奥创都会揭露道 and whatever we plan will be canceled out
我们的计划就在他的计划之中 从而被抵消掉 by Heistotron's reveal that our plan was part of its plan.
这就是我随机组建了这个团队的原因 That's why I picked this crew at random
以及为什么我们要听从随机奥创的指挥 and why all of us will be taking our orders from Randotron.
让我们为 "毫无预料能力" 做好准备 Let's get ready to not rumble.
赌你们没预料到会这样 Bet you didn't see that coming.
除了我睡觉时没关的两部盗窃电影 Instead of two heist movies I slept through,
随机奥创的算法还取自 Randotron's algorithm is derived
三部我为了让朋友闭嘴而假意夸好的 from the plots of three David Lynch movies
大卫·林奇的电影中的情节 I pretended to like to make my friends shut up.
如果我们的行为叠加后足够随机 我们就有可能 If our collective behavior is just random enough,
无视盗窃奥创那傻瓜式生成的破烂圈套 如履平地 we should be able to walk through Heistotron's lazily contrived bullshit like it's not even there.
听着不错 其实我啥也没听懂 Sounds good. I don't really get it,
但听上去像是你说到点子上了 but it sounds like that's the point.
所以其实你不需要个铁匠 So you didn't need a blacksmith?
等你准备好了 我们就好 Rick We're ready when you are, Rick.
让我们的非计划性行动随机展开非常重要 所以得等到我们没准备好才行 It's important our non-plan starts randomly, so we have to wait until we're not ready.
那要等多久 W-Well, how long will that take?
显然 这不可知 Obviously, we can't know that.
我们等的时候可以做点别的事吗 Can we do things while we wait?
可以 我要玩《我的世界》 Yes. I'm gonna play Minecraft.
哦 我儿子也玩这个 Oh, my kids play that.
我不喜欢你这么见缝插针 伊隆 I don't like these little jabs you get in, Elon.
奇怪 Strange.
在这个时间 仙后座的主星 Considering the time, Cassiopeia's primary star
应该和猎户座 小熊座共线 should be colinear with Orion and Ursa Minor.
不学点儿天文知识 You don't shoot arrows that carry your voice
就射不出带自己声音的箭 without picking up a little astronomy.
等下 Wait a minute.
老天 不 Jesus, no.
不 不 我们已经被盗窃了 No! No! We've already been heisted!
盗窃奥创还没来 它怎么能盗窃我们呢 How could Heistotron heist us if he's not even here yet?
它已经来了 He's already been here!
我们已经在看的天空 就是一个回放 We've been watching a recorded sky on playback.
你好 Rick Hello, Rick.
好了 大伙儿 计划有变 Okay, guys, change of plans.
检测到随机时机 Random time detected.
不 随机奥创 这不是个好时机 No, Randotron, it's not a good time!
所以这才说这是随机 That's why it's random.
21 21?
22 22?
成交 Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
这位肉肉小猛男喜当爹啦 Oooo weee, that little hunk of meat's going home to pappy!
我在等你来 Rick I've been expecting you, Rick.
但不是这么个来法 对吗 But not like this, right?
这不重要 It hardly matters.
是吗 那这样呢 Oh, yeah. Does this?
不 你的随机行为糊弄不了我 No. Your randomness does not confuse me.
现在你来了 You are here now.
这就是计划 That was the plan.
我知道 这也是我计划的一部分 I know. It was part of mine, too.
我有事情要跟告诉你 让我猜猜 I've got something to tell you. Let me guess.
你创造出我和随机奥创的时候 When you invented me and Randotron,
交换了我们的大脑 you swapped our brains.
说对了 大兄弟 That's right, buddy.
你并不是善于计划的那个 You're not the one that's very good at planning.
一直以来你他妈都搞错了 You've been making this shit up the whole time.
Rick 我想有些事情你需要知道 Rick, I think there's something you should know.
妈蛋啊 Morty 我告诉你什么来着 God damn it, Morty, what did I tell you?
这的确是我需要知道的事情 That is something I should know,
或至少是我需要预料到的事情 我也确实预料到了 or at least something I should have predicted, which I did.
嘿 Rick 我一直在想 也许今天晚点的时候我们可以 比如 Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe we could, like, raid a temple
突袭个神殿啥的 然后搞个史诗级冒险 比如 and go on an epic adventure later today, you know, like --
Morty 你是我肚里的蛔虫吗 我知道一个神殿 Morty, get out of my head. I know just the temple.
而且在去的路上 我还能搞两把悬浮椅 And we'll grab a couple of hover chairs on the way there.
精彩 但我到底是随机还是靠计划 Impressive. But what does it even matter
又能影响到什么呢 if I'm random or planned?
我的盗窃依旧酷爆了 My heists will still rule.
呃 如果你的脑壳里的东西实际上是盗窃奥创的 那就会有影响 Well, if the brain inside of you is actually Heistotron's,
因为一旦圈套达到六层嵌套 it matters, because it explodes
它就会爆炸 when it hits six levels of contrivance.
而这恰恰说明了就算还没 Which is exactly why even before --
初始化 拍手叫好序列 Initiate clap sequence.
啪 啪 啪 啪 啪 Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
正在调节拍手频率 Adjusting clap rate.
啪 啪 Clap, clap.
啪 啪 Clap. Clap.
啪 已实现慢速拍手 Clap. Slow clap achieved.
啪 干得漂亮 Rick Clap. Well-done, Rick.
随机奥创 Randotron?
恐怕 不是 I'm afraid not.
就有可能无视盗窃奥创那傻瓜式生成的破烂圈套 如履平地 Should be able to walk through Heistotron's lazily contrived...
你刚不光坑死了自己的唯一盟友 Not only did you just kill your only ally,
你以为可以用来搞定我的所谓随机非计划性行动 what you thought was a random non-plan
俨然成为了亲手把你们送上门的 to get to me has been a meticulously choreographed way
精心设计的周密计划 of bringing you all in.
欢迎来到盗窃奥创的 Welcome to Heistotron's
九百七十五万 975 trillion,
四千六百七十亿人组 很精彩 467 billion --That's impressive.
你是为了等到我向你揭秘 其实到第九层揭秘你就会自爆 Did you bring us in so that everybody would be here
的时候大家伙都在场 才把我们送到这的吗 when I reveal that you're gonna explode after nine reveals?
顺带一提 你可能不想回答这个 By the way, you might not want to answer that.
如果你说的是我用我的纳米机器人重写你的大脑之后 If you're talking about the code adjustments you made
你所做的代码调整 after I reprogrammed your brain with my nanobots --
我对你的纳米机器人免疫 I'm immune to your nanobots.
你免疫的是你设计的纳米机器人 不是我的 You're immune to the ones you designed, not mine.
我把你编程为 制作对我无效的 I programmed you to build nanobots
纳米机器人 that were ineffective on me.
这是我的纳米机器人 A belief that needed to be placed
在你脑中写入的信念 in your head by my nanobots.
你认为如此 是因为我把你编程为这样的 You believe that because I programmed you to.
这正是我要对你说的 That's what I'm saying to you, though.
你相信的 是我重写你的大脑让你相信的事 You believe what I programmed you to believe.
对 因为我把你编程为相信如此 Yes, because I programmed you to believe that.
我把你编程为相信如此 I programmed you to believe that.
他俩在干啥 便便洞教授 What's happening, Professor Poopybutthole?
它在学习 He's learning!
我把你编程为相信如此 I programmed you to believe that.
我把你编程为相信如此 我把你编程 I programmed you to believe that. I programmed you...
从头到尾都是我的计划 That was my plan the whole time.
是我让你这么想的 That's what I wanted you to think.
就知道你要这么说 I knew you would say that.
我把你编程为相信如此 I programmed you to believe that.
你信以为真 因为我想让你这么想 You think that's true because I wanted you to think that.
所以是我把你编程为相信如此的 And I programmed you to believe that.
这真是最古怪的算法了 A most curious algorithm.
似乎绝佳的盗窃 It appears the only perfect heist
是从没被写入代码的那个 is one that was never written.
再见 Goodbye.
哦 哦 哦不 操 Oh, oh, oh, no. Shit.
得 快他妈离开这个鬼地方 Alright. Let's get the fuck out of here!
快 跑 跑 Hurry! Go, go!
Rick 我想这是讲述AI危险性的 Rick, I think this was a powerful lesson
生动一课 in the dangers of AI,
顺带一提 这是中文"爱"的拼音 which, by the way, means "love" in Chinese.
快他妈离开这儿 伊隆 Get the fuck out of here, Elon!
这儿要塌了 The place is collapsing!
噢 我操 Rick 几点了 Oh, shit, Rick! Rick, what time is it?
快三点了 问这干啥 咋了 It's almost 3:00. Why? What's wrong?
啊我靠 我很抱歉我没告诉过你 Rick Oh, man, I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this, Rick.
就是 I just --
呃 你知道我在写个剧本吧 Well, you know that screenplay that I've been writing?
网飞他们挺感兴趣的 Netflix is pretty interested,
实际上今天三点半我有个小推销会 and I've actually got a pitch meeting there today at 3:30.
噢 小老弟 哦 这很屌啊 Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing.
呃 是啊 我知道你会说 Yeah, well, I know you're gonna say
他们啥啥都感兴趣 that they're interested in anything,
但 你懂 这对我来说意义重大 而且我已经 but, you know, it's a big deal to me, and I've --
不不不 Morty Morty Morty 我相当excited No, no, no! Morty, Morty, Morty, I'm so excited for you.
你在逗我吗 Are you kidding me?
听着 一句废话不用解释 Listen, don't waste any time explaining.
快走 可以回头再把地球放回去 Let's go. We can put the Earth back later.
你看行吗 你确定吗 Alright? Are you sure?
当务之急 Morty Priorities, Morty.
就是赶紧把你送去和网飞开会 Let's get you to that Netflix meeting.
今天真刺激 蛤 Crazy day, huh?
果然天空其实是块巨型电路板 Whole sky turned out to be a big circuit board.
是啊 那其实是是是我 Yeah, that's actually part of a-a-a --
冒险的一部分 an adventure I was having.
太酷了 Very cool.
交通顺畅吗 来的一路上有麻烦吗 Traffic okay? You have trouble getting here?
没 都挺好的 No, it was alright.
地球仍然存放在那个类似于 The planet's still contained
巨型网格式储物柜的东西里 in this sort of big storage grid machine,
所以 可以说我们离得还挺挺挺近的 so we were sort of already pretty -- pretty close by.
那可真棒 试试从马里布赶来这儿吧 Must be nice. Try getting here from Malibu.
那好 这个话题就到这儿 So good! Alright.
呃 咱们来聊聊你的盗窃电影吧 Well, l-let's hear about this heist movie.
好 那个 大概就是围绕着 Okay, so, it's kind of all --
一伙窃贼和酷炫的叛变 all built around this big crew with, like, a cool double-cross
然后就会出现一个巨牛逼的反转 像是 and then this big awesome twist where there's, like,
另一重叛变 后来 呃 但是 another double cross, but then, um, but --
但是我们又意识到这些事 but then we reveal those things
全都在英雄的计划之中 我我说清楚了吗 were all part of the hero's plan, y-you know?
后来又凑起来另一伙人 And there's this other crew they put together,
他们的计划是不要有任何计划 and their plan is to sort of not have a plan,
但 但是这个计划又是另一个人的计划的一部分 but -- but that was part of the other guy's plan, and --
孩子 如果你是因为觉得自己讲得不好 才越说越慢 老天爷 Kid, if you're slowing down 'cause you think you're doing bad right now, Jesus Christ.
推销十分精彩 我喜欢 -That's a really good pitch. -Loving it.
老兄 是这样 我 Man, you know, I --
我现在开始觉得盗窃真的好蠢 好么 I'm starting to think heists are just really dumb now, you know?
我说不出原因 I can't put my finger on why,
但我确实想走了 but I'd really like to go.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
是 是 不用送了 我 我确定 Yeah, yeah, no, I-I'm sure.
靠 这就像有人把他对这个创意的热忱给偷走了一样 Man, it's as if someone stole his enthusiasm for his own idea.
是啊 他自己还不知道被偷了 Yeah, without him even knowing about it.
毫不知情 Without him even knowing about it.
傻逼Morty还在折腾他的傻逼盗窃剧本 Fuckin' Morty's still working on that stupid heist script.
他把自己关在屋里 把拇指塞进屁眼儿 He's up in his room with his fuckin' thumb up his ass.
连翘了三次冒险 Skipped out on the last three adventures.
不知道该说啥 反正我都有五个朋友跟网飞合作上了 I don't know. Five of my friends got Netflix deals.
- 啥 - 这是个相当容易的事儿 他迟早会离开你 What? It's a very achievable goal. You could lose him.
他他妈的才不会离开我 I'm not gonna fuckin' lose him.
滚他妈的吧 Fuck that.
我要把这逼事儿扼杀在摇篮里 I-I'm gonna nip this shit in the bud.
不行 事实上 你不许扼杀任何事儿 No. As a matter of fact, you're not nipping anything in the bud.
如果Morty放弃了哪怕一个小梦想 If Morty ever gives up on a single dream,
那也最好是因为他自行醒悟 it had better be because of his own disillusionment.
嘿 小老弟 怎么样了 Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
无可奉告 I-I don't want to talk about it.
Morty 听我说 老弟 你 呃 Morty, you know, pal, you, uh --
放弃就一定会失败 you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
是啊 我也这么觉得 Yeah, I guess.
谢谢你对我的未来做出正面评价 Rick Thanks for staying positive about my prospects, Rick.
当然 你懂的 你 Of course! You know, you --
我得帮助我的外孙实现梦想 I got to help my grandson follow his dreams.
呃 梦想能吃吗 Eh, who needs dreams?
我只想跟你瞎逛逛 冒冒险 I'll just hang out with you and go on adventures
爱干啥就干点啥 你懂的 永远 and do whatever you want to do, you know, forever.
噢 行啊 呃 吼啊 Oh, well, uh, okay.
我是说 如果这就是你想要的 I mean, if that's what you want.
暴风雨要来了 Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
没准有龙卷风 Could be a twister. Mm-hmm!
嘿 Rick Hey, Rick?
有个事儿你能帮我捋捋吗 Can you walk me through something?
行啊 啥事儿 Yeah. What are you thinking?
就是说 你和Morty知道需要我的帮助 So, you and Morty knew you needed my help,
但不确定我还能打 but you weren't sure I was good enough at karate,
所以你就雇了我的学生们上台削我吗 so you hired my grad students to attack me?
正是 Yep.
但那是个突发事件啊 Rick But it was an emergency, Rick.
你筹备了多久 How long did that take?
实际上的训练量比你想的要少 It actually took less training than you'd think.
你的学生们全都 Your students all shared
在武术方面天赋异禀 a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts.
我不知道那是不是巧合 I don't know if that's by coincidence
或者跟他们对美国黑人妇女 or if there's some correlation with their passion
的研究热情有点儿什么关系 for African-American Women's Studies.
马娅·安杰卢可真是默许和抗争的有机结合啊 Maya Angelou did personify both acquiescence and perseverance.
这种关联 正是我原本想在课堂上探讨的 Ooo wee. That's exactly the kind of connection I'd have loved to explore in my class.
可惜我因为 Too bad I lost my job
把学生揍进医院被辞退了 for putting my students in the hospital.
是 是啊 Yeah. Yeah.
真遗憾 Sorry about that.
看懂了么 Did you get any of that?