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本地新闻 孩童谋杀犯Joseph Ei Lipnip NEWS ANCHOR: In local news,child murderer Joseph Eli Lipnip
[翻译] 阿黛拉 pendz 张八十 琴河感旧 不二 Chris 084 一锅茄家军Meowu
将在明天实行注射死刑 is scheduled to die tomorrow by lethal injection,
这次行刑引起的关注远超 his execution already drawing dozens more spectators
苟延残喘的电视新闻业 Carla than the death of TV news. Carla?
[校对] 朽 [后期] 天灵没有盖 [压制/总监] 怪查理
这个曾经吃掉自己儿子的男人 CARLA JOHNSON: The man that once ate his own son...
天哪 他终于要被正法了 Wow. He’s really getting executed after all this time.
你知道吗 他吃掉的儿子是 You know the son that he ate was --
你最好的朋友Tommy Your best friend -- Tommy.
我们知道了 别显摆发生在你身边的谋杀案了 We know. STop true-crime bragging.
我受到了创伤 Summer I was traumatized, Summer.
你们这代人不懂 Okay, your generation wouldn’t get that.
扯 我们这代人吃个早饭都能受到创伤 Bitch, my generation gets traumatized for breakfast.
我经过了多年的心理治疗才接受这个现实 It took years of therapy to even process the reality.
在我小时候 I mean, when I was a kid,
我跟自己说Tommy只是在 I just told myself that Tommy had gotten lost
仙果乐园的魔法世界里迷路了 in the magical realm of Froopyland.
- 仙果乐园 - 我假想的世界 -“Froopyland?” -My make-believe world.
我知道这名字傻里傻气的 但这世界对我来说太真实了 I know the name’s stupid, but it was so real to me.
按照监护权协议 你们这个周末 Aren’t you guys supposed to be at your father’s
不是应该去爸爸家吗 for custody weekend?
我们不急 太阳下山爸爸才起床 We’re not in a hurry. Dad sleeps until sundown.
我们能不能继续说仙果 Can we talk a little bit more about this Froopy--[
别用泡泡枪 Zap, bloop] -SUMMER: Not the bubble gun!
里面没空气 -There’s no air -- -[ Zap, bloop]
我得承认我越来越喜欢泡泡枪了 I gotta say, I am warming up to the bubble gun.
你要是那么会起名字 You know, if you’re so great at naming things,
不如以后所有名字都归你起 why don’t you do it from now on?
- 什么 - 仙果乐园 -What? -Froopyland.
这是我最得意的作品吗 不敢说 Was it my best work? I don’t know.
但就可以侮辱它没创意吗 Does it deserve to be shit on creatively?
没错 Yeah, that’s right.
从你惊恐的表情中 我想你也意识到 I agree with your look of horrified realization.
你有时候说话非常伤人 You can be very inconsiderate sometimes.
在这儿 Here it is.
我让一个量子超正方体坍缩了才 You know, I collapsed a quantum tesseract to --
爸 我不想知道制作过程 Dad, I don’t care how you made it.
我想知道Tommy是不是还在里面 I want to know if Tommy’s still in there!
放松点 Beth -Relax, Beth. -[ Jingling, crackling ]
如果他还在 我们就能找到他 If he is, we’ll find him.
他是唯一没有虚构DNA的 He’ll be the only sun-bleached skeleton
晒干的骷髅 with non-imaginary DNA.
Tommy Tommy Tommy!
太可怕了 This is a nightmare.
不敢相信你以前居然把我关在 I can’t believe you used to lock me up
这个奇幻的鸡窝里 in this glorified chicken coop.
鸡窝 Chicken coop?
那些是程序生成的云朵 Beth Those are procedurally generated clouds, Beth.
这条河是真正的彩虹做的 That river is a rainbow. Literally.
我 我为这个地方下足了功夫 Come on, I-I-I put real elbow grease into this place.
你应该在你女儿身上下足功夫 Well, you’re supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter!
- 恶心 - 他会不会被什么东西吃了 -Gross. -Do you think something ate him?
不会 仙果乐园的生物都被设计成无害的 Nope. Froopyland creatures were designed to be harmless.
他一定是活活饿死的 He definitely just starved to death.
我也有可能在这儿活活饿死 I could have been the one who starved to death in here.
我受伤了怎么办 What if I’d gotten hurt?
你没说错 我这爸爸当得太差了 God, you’re right. I’m a terrible dad.
不配活下去 Well, nothing to live for.
- 再见 残忍的世界 - 爸 -Goodbye, cruel world! -Dad!
噢 你怎么想 -[ Thump] -Oh, how do you like that?
这造物者得多残暴才把地面做成了弹性的 What kind of merciless creator makes the ground bouncy?
我得溺死谢罪 I’m gonna have to drown myself.
哦不 在这水里居然能呼吸 Oh, no. Oh, the water’s breathable?
谁干的 Who went and did that?
无所谓 Oh, whatever.
对 无所谓 Yeah, whatever.
一个爸爸制作了R2-D2机器人状的马桶 A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2,
就引爆了Reddit首页 and it breaks the front page of Reddit,
我给你创造了整个世界 而不是塞个iPad了事 but I’m Charles Manson because I gave you
倒成你眼中的杀人狂了 your own world instead of an iPad.
你现在一定想说 啊 I think the words you’re looking for are -- Aah!
我操他娘 这畜生有爪子 Holy tuck! Shit! This thing has claws!
行了 我懂 这里对儿童特别安全 Yeah, I get it. It’s a childproot world.
不不 我认真的 真的很痛啊 No, no, seriously, this hurts really bad!
这玩意儿锋利的爪子都陷进我的 This thing is sinking razor-sharp claws in --
啊 操 Aah! Shit!
你说的我都明白了 爸 -You’ve made your point, Dad. -[ Screeches]
爸 Dad?
呃 -Ugh! -[ Both panting ]
周末监护权这种事儿是哪个蠢货想出来的 Whose idea was this stupid custody weekend thing?
我觉得应该是防止陷入害怕被遗弃的情绪的 I think it’s supposed to help prevent abandonment issues.
我想要被遗弃 I want to be abandoned.
我说的是咱爸 -Yeah, I’m talking about Dad. -[ Door opens]
欢迎来到离婚老爸的家 Bienvenue a Ia Chez Divorced Dad.
哇哦 老爸 Wow, Dad.
你这地方看起来不那么像烂毒窝了 Your place looks way less like a crackhouse.
这儿还挺干净的 像个藏毒点 It’s actually clean, like a cocaine house.
爸 发生什么了吗 Dad, what’s going on?
我只是精神集中 生活积极 I’m simply centered, activated --
- 还能意念移物 - 挺酷的 对吧 -And telekinetic? -Pretty cool, huh?
瞧瞧看 谁想要杯果昔 Check it out. Who wants a smoothie?
噢 哦 不 呃 噢 天哪 Oh -- Oh, no. Uh, oh, God.
Summer Summer 你能拿下 Summer-- Summer, can you --
- 啊 - 抱歉 -A a h! -Sorry.
你还有很多要学 我的Uloo You have much to learn, my Uloo.
Morty Summer 这是Kiara Morty, Summer, this is Kiara.
她是来自Krootabulon的女战士祭司 She’s a Krootabulan warrior priestess from Krootabulon.
我 我知道Krootabulon是哪儿 老爸 I-I know where Krootabulans are from, Dad.
察门拓咯 Uh, Chaimuntolo.
察门拓咯 年轻人们 Chaimuntolo, younglings.
海们 切咯 Hymen.. .cholo.
你们父亲心里充满着对你们的爱 Your father’s mind holds love for you.
能在物理层面相会 请多指教 I am humbled to meet in physicality.
老爸 你这是 Dad, are you --
在和一位牛逼性感的外星女士谈恋爱吗 In love with a badass, sexy alien lady?
哈哈 说不准 Summer 你觉得呢 Ha, ha, I don’t know, Summer. You tell me.
我没打算问你是不是和她恋爱 I wasn’t going to ask if you were in love
因为你基本上不认识她 since you barely know her.
Summer Kiara和我是通过星际约会服务认识的 Summer. Kiara and I met on that interstellar dating service
你妈和我还在一起时Rick总是给我介绍那个服务 Rick was always suggesting when your mom and I were together.
然后事情就顺理成章发生了 And things just kind of clicked.
我们必须行动了 We must move!
我们的预订是7点钟 Our reservation is at 7:00.
我不想她离开 -[ Whoosh] -l hate to see her leave,
但是我爱看她相位移动走的样子 but I love to watch her phase shift away.
我想你们都注意到她有三个那什么了 I’m sure you noticed what she has three of,
但是猜猜她什么部位有两个 but guess what she has two of.
呜呼 好啦 别啄了 All right, knock it off!
听着 我一直没追究你们 Listen, I’ve been giving you a pass
生命的奇妙让我很感动 但是 because I’m charmed that life finds a way, but --
啊 够了 Aah! All right, you know what?
痛 -[ Ray gun fires] -Ouch!
噢 啊 Oh! Unh!
痛 天哪 Ouch! God!
啊 -[ Sizzling ] -Aah!
啊 Agh!
噢 爸 这个地方是最安全的 Oh, yeah, this place is the safest.
世上最好的老爸 Best dad ever.
你就不能直接说"我承认 我搞砸了"吗 Can’t you just say, “I admit it, I screwed up”?
呃 那又有什么意义吗 Uh, what would be the point of that?
你做不到 是吧 [Chuckling] You can’t do it, can you?
你他妈就不会道歉 You can’t just fucking apologize.
好啦好啦 Beth 我很抱歉 Okay, okay, Beth, I’m sorry...
抱歉的是你认为你理应得到我的道歉 you think you deserve an apology.
嘿 别看我啊 -[ Screeches] -Hey, don’t look at me.
你小孩在人来人往的超市地上滚来滚去 You let your kid roll around on the floor of a target,
那总是要被踩上的 it’s gonna get stepped on.
哈 问题出在这儿 Huh. Well, here’s the problem right here.
一堆仙果乐园程序的碳 We’ve got a bunch of Froopyland procedural carbons
和人类DNA搅和着混在了一起 all gummed up and mixed in with real human DNA.
你是说Tommy通过和仙果生物发生性关系而在这里存活下来 Are you saying Tommy survived here by having sex with Froopy creatures,
生下仙果人类混血后代 creating Froopy-human hybrid offspring,
然后摄入他们的蛋白质 and then consuming their proteins,
用永无止境的食人乱伦循环来维持生命吗 sustaining himself with an endless cycle of cannibalistic incest?
那只是一个讲得通的理论 It’s just a working theory.
当然了 如果真的是这样 Of course, if that’s the case,
我猜他应该会在他那些难吃的后代组成的 I expect he’d be worshiped as a kind of god
一个中世纪水平的社会中被当做某种神明来供奉 by a medieval-level society of his least-delicious children.
不许动 你们是囚犯 属于我们高贵的主宰者 Halt! You are now prisoners of our exalted ruler,
赐予生命者 夺取生命者 giver and taker of life,
救助凡人者 吞噬凡人者 humper and consumer of mortality,
- 生命的播散者 - 好的 我能打断一下么 -dispenser of life -- -Yes, if I could interrupt?
这些我们早早的就知道了 We’re way ahead of the reveal here.
对 带我们去见你们的Tommy国王就行了 Yeah, just take us to King Tommy.
我以为女祭司战士 I thought warrior priestesses
只能在狩猎的时候离开K星 could only leave Krootabu Ion on a hunt.
嗯 谢谢你甜心 Mmm. Thank you, sweetie.
我希望现在不是猎人类的季节 I hope it’s not human season.
我来地球是为了狩猎Varrix 我绝对不会猎杀人类的 I’m on Earth hunting the Varrix. I would never hunt a human.
你们的父亲已经和我灵魂相绑了 Your father and I are soul-bonded.
灵魂相绑 Soul-bonded?
呃 你们星球的一天是不是比较短 Urn, does your planet have shorter days,
因为你俩进展得有点快了吧 because you guys are moving kind of fast, no?
干掉他 宝贝几 Go get him, honey!
她总是在狩猎 She’s always hunting. [Chuckles]
她可能知道有个Varrix在这工作 She probably knew a Varrix worked here,
所以她说Yelp上的评价无所谓 and that’s why she said the Yelp reviews didn’t matter.
爸 你到底知不知道 Dad, do you understand
对于K星人来说灵魂相绑是多严肃的事 how serious Krootabulon soul-bonding is?
呃 天 Morty 我不知道 名字都这么随意的了 Uh, gee, Morty, I don’t know. It’s got such a casual name.
如果你们想教育谁关于承诺的事儿 If you want to lecture anyone about commitment,
先去找你们的妈吧 start with your mom.
我的天 爸 这就是这件事的原因么 Oh, my God. Dad, is that what this is about?
你这么急着找新欢是为了报复妈 Are you rushing into a new thing to get back at Mom?
每个周末 你们俩都告诉我要放下 向前看 Every weekend, you two have told me to move on.
向前看的意思是先从床上下来 Move on, like, out of bed.
别再用面巾纸当擦屁股纸 Like, sTop using paper towels for toilet paper,
不是马马虎虎的去找一个备胎 not move on into a sloppy rebound.
爸 你需要冷静一下 仔细想想这个灵魂相绑的事 Dad, you need to slow down, rethink this soul bond.
你们为什么就不能老实讲讲心里话呢 Why don’t you just say what you really mean?
你们觉得这很酷 You think it’s cool
我靠和她上床就能意念移物 that having sex with her gives me telekinesis
而且你们也看出来了她身材超辣 and you recognize she’s got a hot bod
就像<霹雳猫>里的Cheetara一样 like Cheetara in “Thundercats,”
但是你们就是看不惯她 but you’re grossed out
因为她有个牛油果形状的脑袋和蓝色的皮肤 by her avocado-shaped head and blue skin,
然后你们认为我可能想套个袋子和假发在她脑袋上 and you think I want to put a bag and a wig on her head.
不管怎么说 我花了这么多时间精力 After all the time and energy I spent
去教育你俩关于种族的事情 teaching you two about race...
最后你俩还是搞种族歧视了 -[ Varrix screams] -. . .you ended up racist.
很快Varrix就会从你们的世界消失 Soon your world will be rid of Varrix.
明天 我们庆祝 Tomorrow, we celebrate.
我们可以带孩子们去水上乐园 We could take the kids to the water park.
我们用狩猎来庆祝 We celebrate with a hunt!
喔 孩子们 想打猎么 Ooh. You kids want to hunt?
- 想 - 想 -Yes. -Yes.
全体跪拜Tommy国王 All kneel for King Tommy!
我才不跪 舔我屌吧 I’m not kneeling. Suck my dick.
你们好啊 所有人 Well, hello, all!
我是这片土地的国王 I am the King of Froopyland,
但我也有用另外一个名字 but I go by another name, too.
- 我们知道 - 那就是Tommy -We know. -It's Tommy!
- 我们知道 - 我们知道 -We know. -We know.
我从只是个小孩子的时候就住在这里了 I have lived here since I was a mere child.
- 我们知道 - 知道了 -We know. -Got it.
我想你们一定想知道 我是怎么生存下来的 I suppose you’re wondering, how do I sustain myself?
- 哦 天 - 不我们不想 -Oh, boy. -No, we aren’t.
我一直认为戏剧是说明事情最好的方式 I always find the theater is the best way to clarify things.
- 啊 - 认真的么 -Ugh. -Seriously?
- 喔我的天啊 - 演员们 开始吧 -Oh, my God. -TOMMY: Players, go!
我是小Tommy I am little Tommy.
我是小Beth I am tiny Beth.
噢 不是吧 Oh, come on.
跟我一起来我的魔法世界吧 Come with me to my magic world.
别去啊 FROOPY: Don’t do it!
这是我的秘密仙果乐园 这里没有规矩 This is my secret Froopyland where I have no rules!
我好兴奋 I am excited.
我嫉妒Tommy的朋友们和他的任天堂游戏 I am jealous of Tommy’s friends and his Nintendo
还有他那位爱他的爸爸 and his dad who likes him.
我猜Tommy不是个出色的剧作家啊 I take it Tommy wasn’t class playwright.
你想看看蜂蜜沼泽吗 Do you want to see the Honey Swamp?
好啊 咱们去看吧 Yes! Let’s do it!
呃 我想看着你死翘翘 Well, I want to see you dead.
喔 救命啊 我被困住了 Ow, help! I’m stuck!
我被埋进了蜜糖里 I’m covered in honey.
哼 呃 还挺有意思的 Huh. Well, that’s interesting.
都是假的 Fake news.
许多个夜晚过去了 我依然被困在这块陌生的土地上 Many nights have passed, trapped in this strange land.
饥饿袭来 我只能通过干一发来打发时间 I am hungry, and all I can do to pass the time is hump.
我和石头来一发 I will hump this rock.
和这棵树来一发 I will hump this tree.
和这块土地上的野兽来一发 I will hump this beast of the land
在它体内留种 and put my seed in it.
我是Tommy的第一个孩子 I am the first of Tommy’s children.
吃了我的肉 你就有机会活下来 Eat of my flesh so you may survive.
所以我就这么做了 And so I did.
噢 哇哦 好吧 呃呃 Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.
那事儿确实是真的 干 干得好 Certified fresh. Good -- Good job.
或许接下来该到示范时间了 Perhaps a demonstration is in order. [ Unzips shorts ]
- 不 接下来我最不想看到的就是这个 - 呃 No, that is the last thing that is in order!
噢 我的天啊 可怜的仙果乐园居民 -Oh, my God. -Poor Froopy character.
放开他 -Leave him alone. -[ Shorts zip]
噢 大家围过来啊 -Ahh. Gather ‘round, gang! -[ Moos]
晚餐时间到 -Dinner time. -[ Splorch]
好吧 就这样吧 我要离开这个地方 All right, that’s it. I’m outta here.
你这是在做什么 What are you doing?
咱们正冒险到一半呢 We’re in the middle of an adventure.
这些才是冒险需要的东西 Beth Here’s some things an adventure needs, Beth.
冲突 风险 让我得到好处的方法 Conflict, stakes, a way for me to benefit,
还有一样 显然是Morty and, clearly, Morty.
但是Tommy还在那里 But Tommy’s still in there,
操木偶 吃小孩 raping Muppets and eating babies.
是啊 幸运的是 那不是咱们的问题 Yep. Luckily, that’s not our problem.
是抽身走人的时候了 Time to pull the plug.
走人 Pull the plug?
我们必须把Tommy从那个地方弄出来 明白吗 We have to get Tommy out of there, okay?
我们 我们必须做正确的事情 We -- We need to do the right thing.
把你身为父亲从来没做过的事情做了 Do what you never did as a dad --
稍微费点心思 Put in a little effort.
得了吧 省省"做好事"那一套吧 All right, cut the high-road routine.
我们都看了Tommy那傻逼演出 We both saw Tommy’s shitty play.
你把他推进了蜜糖沼泽里 Beth You pushed him in the Honey Swamp, Beth.
他的幸福生活在你的手中 His very happy life is in your hands.
你去把他救回来吧 You go save him from it.
你宁愿相信一场表演 也不愿意相信自己的亲生女儿 [Scoffs] You’re gonna believe a play over your own daughter?
是啊 确实是 Beth 因为你不是我的女儿 Yes, I am, Beth, because you’re not my own daughter.
噢 天啊 是是 我不过是无数个Beth中的一个 Oh, God, yes. I’m one of infinite Beths
在无穷多个宇宙里 有无数个爸爸 with infinite fathers in infinite universes.
有种东西叫做拥抱 爸爸 它不会杀了你 It’s called a hug, Dad. It won’t kill you.
呃 别那么肯定 Yeah, don’t be so sure.
你知道为什么所有的Rick都为自己的小女儿 You know why all Ricks made a Froopyland
建造了一个仙果乐园吗 for all their little girls?
这和Tommy夸大其词 结构混乱 Same reason I wasn’t surprised by Tommy’s overwritten, badly structured,
质量低劣的回忆重演并不令我吃惊是同一个原因 cheaply produced flashback.
你他妈以前是个可怕的小孩 You were a scary fucking kid, man.
噢 我的天啊 [Scoffing] Oh, my God.
我制造仙果乐园并不是为了摆脱你 Beth I didn’t make Froopyland to get rid of you, Beth.
而是为了保护邻居们的安全 I did it to protect the neighborhood.
并非因为高尚的情操 Not in a [burps] noble sense.
只是因为让你与世隔绝更加实际 It was just more practical to sequester you
不然我就不得不开始给每个不懂礼貌的小男孩 before I had to start, you know, cloning a replacement
和每只容易上钩的动物克隆出一个替代品 for every less-than-polite little boy or gullible animal
因为他们撞上了个反社会疯子 that might cross your socio-path.
你宁愿相信我是邪恶的 You would rather believe I’m evil
也不愿意承认你是个坏爸爸 than admit that you were a bad father?
噢 不是这样的 Oh, dude, no.
不 坏爸爸到我这里已经登峰造极 No, bad father all the way to the max over here.
我他妈是个疯子 I’m a fucking nutcase.
这点直接遗传到了你身上 And the acorn plopped straight down, baby.
看看这堆玩意儿 Look at some of the shit
你还是个小屁孩的时候让我给你做的 you were asking me to make you as a kid.
镭射枪 Ray guns.
强迫别人喜欢上你的鞭子 A whip that forces people to like you.
隐形手铐 捕家长陷阱 闪电枪 Invisibility cuffs, a parent trap, a lightning gun,
内脏精准到符合解剖学的玩具熊 a teddy bear with anatomically correct innards,
眼睛会转的夜视镜 静音跑鞋 night-vision googly-eye glasses, sound-erasing sneakers,
假指纹 催眠镖 false fingerprints, fall-asleep darts,
测谎人偶 坚不可摧的棒球棍 a lie-detecting doll, an indestructible baseball bat,
长得像瓢虫的电击枪 假警徽 a Taser shaped like a ladybug, a fake police badge,
定位追踪贴纸 彩虹色的胶带 location-tracking stickers, rainbow-colored duct tape,
心控发夹 毒药口香糖 mind-control hair clips, poison gum,
有自我意识的粉色弹簧刀 a pink, sentient switchblade.
嗨 Beth 你长高了 Hi, Beth. You’ve gotten taller.
我们要继续捅来捅去吗 Shall we resume stabbing?
你有没有想过 Has it occurred to you
我让你做这些东西 that I asked you to make those things
是因为想让你花时间陪陪我 because I wanted you to spend time with me?
你有没有想过 如果我真的想杀了Tommy Has it occurred to you that if I did try killing Tommy,
可能是因为我嫉妒他的家庭 it might be because I was jealous of his family?
等等 你说啥 为什么 Wait, what? Why?
他爸难道不是食人族什么的吗 Wasn’t his dad, like, some kind of cannibal?
看来他这样肯定是遗传的 Seems like it must be hereditary.
天啊 这都是你的错 Oh, my God. This is your fault.
我不是个坏人 I am not a bad person.
我要回到那个地方 I’m gonna go back in there.
我会把Tommy带出来 挽救一切 I’m getting Tommy, and I’m fixing this!
"冷石"史蒂夫奥斯丁 著名摔角手及演员 性格桀骜不驯
爱怎么说怎么说 "冷石"史蒂夫奥斯丁 Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
我也不知道为什么要那样说 I don’t know why I just said that.
连起来根本不通 但是说都说了就这么着吧 Doesn’t make a lot of sense, but gotta stand by it.
爱怎么说怎么说 "冷石"史蒂夫奥斯丁 Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
从我嘴里说出来就是屌 I’m owning it.
停下来 爸 你这样不对 MORTY: No, Dad! You’re not doing it right!
把它们的头砍下来不对吗 Cutting off their heads isn’t doing it right?
它们显然能再生 They’re [grunts] clearly regenerative!
我 我觉得你必须得捅穿它们的心脏或者什么东西 I-I think you have to stab them through the heart or something.
你觉得还是你知道 You think or you know?
我还以为你对外星人很了解呢 艾傻克阿屎莫夫(艾萨克阿西莫夫) I thought you were the alien expert, Isaac Asi-hole.
别冲我嚷嚷 我累了 Don’t snap at me! I’m tired!
- 我也是 - 我们都累了 -Me, too! -We’re all tired!
这是最后一只 That’s the last of them.
今晚 我们庆祝 Tonight, we celebrate.
用狩猎来庆祝 With a hunt?
没错 为了明天 我们狩猎 Yes, for tomorrow, we hunt.
我 呃 真的得从这个灵魂相绑里脱身了 I, uh, really have to get out of this soul bond.
- 你他妈 爸 - 老天爷 必须的 -What the fuck, Dad? -Oh, my God! Duh!
- 显而易见 - 当然了 -Obviously! -Yeah, no kidding!
- 你们能帮我吗 - 什么 怎么帮 -Can you guys help me? -What? How?
我能不能就是 呃 跟她说是因为我的孩子 Can I just, uh, tell her it’s because of my kids?
你懂的 比如 你们不喜欢她脑袋的形状 或者 You know, like, you don’t like the shape of her head, or --
那是你 爸 都是你 That’s you, Dad! That’s you!
你既幼稚又愚蠢 You’re a baby and an idiot!
我觉得这一点已经是板上钉钉了 Summer 赶紧帮帮我 I think that’s been established, Summer. Now help me!
首先 我想让你承认 First, I want you to admit
你是个隐藏的种族主义者 软弱的性别主义者 that you’re a closet racist, a beta-male sexist,
把每个人都拖进你的烂摊子里 and you dragged everyone into a horrible situation
因为你只想着自己 by only thinking of yourself.
好吧 Okay.
我要听见你说出来 I want to hear you say it.
听着 我是个隐藏的种族主义者 Look, I’m a closeted racist,
我是个性别主义者而且自私自利 and I’m sexist and selfish,
我把我们拖进了性别主义种族主义的烂摊子里 and I dragged us all into my sexist, racist bad things
- 因为我是个傻子 - 谢谢 -because I’m stupid. -Thank you.
- 现在你愿意帮我了吧 - 她已经帮过了 - Now you’re gonna help me, right? -She just did.
没错 自己擦屁股去吧 Yeah, clean up your own mess.
等等 搞什么 Wait, wait, what?
老天 Oh, man.
好了 伙计们 -[ Trumpet fanfare plays] -TOMMY: All right, everybody.
下一项日程 Next item on the docket --
我想要和你们中的一些发生性关系 I would like to have sex with some of you
然后吃掉婴儿 -and then eat the babies. -[ Froopys murmuring]
我就知道你们喜欢这样 I thought you’d like that.
我干什么都是这么惹人爱 是吧 I do keep rolling out the hits, don’t I?
哦 是神奇蜡笔女士 Oh! It's the Magic Crayon Lady!
你饿了吗 我正准备做晚饭 Are you hungry? I was just about to make dinner.
"做晚饭"的意思是 And by “make dinner,” I mean --
Tommy 我要带你回到真实的世界 Tommy, I’m going to take you to the real world.
这里就是真实的世界啊 Well, this is the real world.
不 你不明白 No, you don’t understand!
你爸爸 呃 别人都以为你爸爸把你吃了 Your dad --Uh, people think your dad ate you!
所以呢 你真傻 So? You doy-oy!
人就应该吃人的啊 People should eat people.
别来烦我 Just leave me alone!
Tommy 你不明白 Tommy, you don’t understand.
我必须要把事情扳回正轨 I have to make this right
因为你留在这儿是我的过失 because it’s my fault that you’re in here.
我就是Beth -I’m Beth. -[ All gasp I
Beth 毁灭者 Beth? The destroyer!
闭嘴吧 乱伦娘娘 Oh, suck it up, Princess Incest.
你掉到一滩蜂蜜里了 You fell into some honey.
有人推你的时候确实容易掉进去 Well, it tends to happen when one is pushed into honey.
你有权认为是我推的你 I respect your right to believe I pushed you.
噢 我还能有这种权利吗 Oh, do I get to have that?
我的现实世界不是你施舍推到我面前的配餐薯条 Is my reality like a little side of fries --
你让我过的宽扎节吗 a little Kwanzaa you’re willing to slide my way?
是的 因为我的重点是救你爸爸的命 Yes, because I’m focused on saving your father’s life
因为我不是个小气的人渣 because I’m not a petty piece of shit.
那么 让你说一句"抱歉 我推你了"应该不难 So, then, it should be pretty easy to say, “Sorry I pushed you.”
确实不难 但是毫无必要 Real easy and not necessary,
因为你回家一趟能救你爸爸的命 since you coming home will save your dad’s life
而只是让别人满足你的傻逼自尊心什么事情都不会改变 whereas nothing is changed by anyone stroking your batsh it-crazy ego.
真是不好意思 Sorry, forgive me.
我在仙果乐园待了很久 Uh, I’ve been in Froopyland for quite a while.
道歉现在都不一样了吗 Have apologies changed?
Tommy 我抱歉的是你觉得我理应道歉 Tommy, I’m sorry you think you deserve an apology.
哦天呐 我跟我爸爸一个样儿 Oh, my God. I’m my father.
呃 能来人直接杀了这个贱人吗 Uh, will someone just kill this B-word?
呃 嘿 [Grunts] Hi-ya!
哦天呐 我跟我爸爸一个样儿 Oh, my God. I’m my father!
- 为杀戮而生 - 啊 -SWITCHBLADE: Born to stab! -TOGETHER: Ooh!
所以 一个小逼加上两个小逼 And that’s why one pussy plus two pussies
等于一群小逼 makes a bunch of pussies.
给点反应啊 大伙儿 Come on, y’all,
我已经想尽办法让你们这些精虫上脑的家伙们听进课了 I’m trying to make this appealing to your sex-addicted lifestyles.
嗨 我要把Morty从学校接走 走吧 Morty Hi. I need to pull Morty out of school. Come on, Morty.
哈 你听见你爸说什么了吧 Morty Ha! You heard your daddy, Morty.
你要出校了 You have to leave school.
等等 我的价值取向是什么来着 Wait, what are my values?
- 爸 怎么了 - 我们要去阿拉斯加 -Dad, what’s going on? -We’re going to Alaska.
- 什么 为啥啊 - 那儿多好啊 -What? Why? -It’s nice there.
而且 我和Kiara分手了 她没能心平气和地接受 Also, I broke up with Kiara, and she didn’t take it well,
她想要杀了你们俩 and she wants to murder you two.
什么 那 那我们为什么还在慢悠悠地走 What? Th-Then why are we walking?
我走是因为我累了 I’m walking because I’m tired.
你们俩绝对应该跑了 You guys should definitely run.
不好意思 我只是要 -[ Thud ] -Excuse me, I just --
我 我还是从左边走吧 You know what? I’m -- I’m just gonna go left.
不好吧 你的左边 也行 No, okay, your left, that’s fine.
你知道哪儿是左吗 天呐 Do you know what left is, ‘cause -- Ugh!
你分手跟我们有什么关系 What does your breakup have to do with us?
我们举双手双脚选择跟老妈 Yeah, we chose Mom hands down.
我以为在律师那儿就讲明白了 I thought we made that clear at the lawyer’s office
在你Facebook乱喷的那条的评论里也是 and in the comments under your weird rant on Facebook.
她貌似把我们分手怪在你们头上 She kind of blames you guys for the breakup.
- 为什么 - 为什么 -Why? -Why?
因为我告诉她这是你们俩的错 Because I told her it was your fault.
- 什么鬼 - 什么鬼 -What?! -What?!
我不是个坏人 Look, I’m not an evil person.
只是缺乏想象力而已 I’m just not very imaginative!
啊 -Oh! -[ All scream]
嘟 嘟 臀 RICK: Doo-doo butt
嘟 嘟 嘟 嘟 嘟 臀 Doo-doo-doo -- doo-doo butt
不对不对 -No. -[ Jingling ]
嘟 嘟 臀 嘟 嘟 臀 Doo-doo butt, doo-doo butt
- 嗨 - 嗨 -Hey. -Hey.
呃 所以 纯粹好奇地问一句 Urm, hmm, so just, like, out of curiosity,
如果你想克隆一个Tommy if you were to make a clone of Tommy,
你需要什么东西才能开始 what would you need to get started?
我不知道 Tommy的DNA I don’t kn-Tommy’s DNA?
好的 因为他 呃 Okay, ‘cause he, urn...
对 他不想回来了 Yeah, he didn’t want to come back,
所以 呃 他给了我这个 so, um, he gave me this.
他给了你他的手指 He gave you his finger?
呃 好吧 事实上 Uh, well, what happened is --
- 没关系 这不重要 - 好吧 -It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. -Okay.
大概需要三个小时 This’ll take about three hours.
好的 Okay.
嗨 你要来帮忙吗 Hey. You want to help?
好 Okay.
*咚 我有咚咚在屁股里* -Doo - I got a doo-doo in my butt
*而我不知道该做什么* - Doo-doo-doo-doo - And I don’t know what to do
*咚咚在我的屁股里* With the doo-doo in my butt
*但我知道一个父亲应该对你说什么* But I know that a father should say to you.
*说他为你骄傲* - That he’s proud of you - Doo.
*咚 每个女儿都是从父亲屁股里来的咚咚* Every daughter is a doo-doo from a father’s butt.
*生物学上说 屁股就是个坚果* Biologically speaking, the butt is a nut
*每个父亲都在错误地做父亲* And every father fathers wrong.
*噢 但没有一首歌* - Ooh - And there isn’t a song
*可以改变它* That can change that
我累死了 我要去睡觉了 I am wiped out. I guess I'll turn in.
好 Cool.
爸爸 Dad?
我觉得我一直都在假装 I feel like I’ve spent my life
你是一个好人并且努力地想和你一样 pretending you’re a great guy and trying to be like you.
但是残酷的事实总是 And the ugly truth has always been --
我不是那么好的人 而你就和我一样 That I’m not that great a guy and you’re exactly like me.
我很坏吗 Am I evil?
更糟 你很聪明 Worse. You’re smart.
当你知道一切都不重要的时候 整个宇宙都会是你的 When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours.
但我没有见过一个宇宙喜欢这样 And I’ve never met a universe that was into it.
宇宙就是一头野兽 The universe is basically an animal.
他以平庸的人为食 It grazes on the ordinary.
创造出无数的白痴只是为了吃掉他们 It creates infinite idiots just to eat them,
和你的朋友Timmy没有什么不同 -not unlike your friend Timmy.
- 是Tommy - 好 这些现在不重要 亲爱的 -Tommy.- Yeah, it hardly matters now, sweetie.
聪明的人有机会爬到顶峰 You know, smart people get a chance to climb on Top,
骑在现实背上 take reality for a ride,
但现实会不停地试着把你甩下去 but it’ll never sTop trying to throw you.
并且 最终 它会成功 And, eventually, it will.
没有别的出路 There’s no other way off.
爸爸 我没有借口不去做我自己了 Dad, I’m out of excuses to not be who I am.
所以 我是谁 我应该做什么 So who am I? What do I do?
我的建议是 出发吧 My advice -- Take off.
给你的宇宙套上马鞍 看它会变成什么样 Put a saddle on your universe. Let it kick itself out.
我不能这样做 I can’t do that.
我还有孩子们 Jerry 我的工作 The kids, Jerry, my job,
还有 尽管我不想承认 美国广播公司的"单身汉"节目 and, as much as I hate to admit it, ABC’s “The Bachelor.”
我可以克隆你 做一个完美的替代品 I can make a clone of you, a perfect instance of you,
拥有你所有的记忆 with all your memories,
在所有方面一模一样 an exact copy in every way.
它会给孩子们提供爱和支持 It’ll love and provide for the kids,
做你的工作 并且以带着同样所谓讽刺的心态 do your job, and consume broadcast-network reality TV
看电视真人秀节目 on the same allegedly ironic level as you.
你可以离开一天一个星期 You could be gone a day, a week,
或者永远不回来 不会有任何后果 or the rest of your life with zero consequences.
当你决定你要回来的时候 The moment you decide to come back,
我按下开关 克隆体就完成了它的任务 I flip a switch, and the clone’s job is done.
它不会感受到痛苦 也不会后悔 It feels no pain, it regrets nothing,
绝对不会发生"银翼杀手"里的事情 and has zero chance of going “Blade Runner.”
如果一切都不重要 为什么你要为我做这些 If nothing matters, why would you do that for me?
我不知道 也许你太不重要了 以至于我喜欢你 I don’t know, maybe you matter so little that I like you.
或者这让你变得重要 Or maybe it makes you matter.
或许我爱你 Maybe I love you.
或许因为你的妈妈 Maybe something about your mother.
不要得寸进尺 Don’t jump a gift shark in the mouth.
我不知道我能不能做到 I don’t know if I can do it.
那么留下来 好好享受生活 Then stay and luxuriate in a life
你最终会明白你选择了什么 you can finally know you’ve chosen.
我的小经验是不管你选择了什么 My secret bonus is that no matter what you choose,
你最终都会适应 you’re finally gonna chill the fuck out.
好的 Okay.
我知道我要做什么了 I know what I want to do.
啊 Aah!
噢 -[ Thud] -Ow!
你逃不了的 You can’t run forever!
她是真的被惹毛了 She’s really pissed off.
我知道 还有点撩人呢 I know. It's kinda hot.
闭嘴 Shut up!
是狩猎者们 他们回来了 快跑 The hunters! They’re back! Run!
- 我们不是狩猎者 - 我们想和你们躲在一起 -We’re not hunters. -We want to hide with you.
我们不是在躲藏 我们在筑巢 We’re not hiding. We’re nesting.
得了吧你 Ooh Ia Ia.
这两个孩子必须被消灭 The children must be destroyed
这样我们才能在一起 so that we can be together.
你应该用正确的方式跟她分手 爸爸 You need to break up with her, Dad -- properly!
该死的 爸 -[ Whoosh] -God damn it, Dad!
甩了她 [Grunts] Dump her!
行 行 Okay, okay.
Kiara 我们直接远走高飞吧 Kiara, let’s just run away.
- 爸 - 说什么呢 -Dad! -Come on!
你就有话直说吧 Just rip the Band-Aid off!
行行行 Okay!
Kiara 我跟你说我的孩子们是狭隘的种族主义者 Kiara, when I told you my kids were bigoted racists
坚决要我跟你分手的时候 who were demanding I break up with you,
我撒谎了 I lied.
要是有人该被用念力掐死 If anybody deserves to be telekinetically strangled,
该是我 it’s me.
我是那个想分手的人 I’m the one who wants to break up.
我 我不是个邪恶的人 -- I’m not an evil person.
我又懒 又懦弱 I’m lazy, I’m cowardly,
而且 而且我也不知道我在干嘛 and -- and I do not know what I’m doing.
你看 我让某个人在17岁的时候就怀孕了 Look, I got someone pregnant at 17.
我们正在办理离婚手续 这些都不是我故意造成的 We’re getting a divorce. None of this is on purpose.
我对能和酷的人约会很兴奋 I was excited to date someone cool
因为这能让我的前妻注意到我 because it would make my ex notice me.
我对人类是彻底失望了 I would expect nothing less from humanity --
人类就是自私的 爱操纵别人的 不诚实的物种 a selfish, manipulative, dishonest species that --
- Kiara吗 - Trandor -Kiara? -Trandor!
你在这儿干什么 What are you doing here?
就 狩猎啊 Just...hunting.
你真的指望我相信 Do you really expect me to believe
这和我们之间的事情无关吗 it has nothing to do with us?
你明知道地球是我的地盘 You knew Earth was my domain.
我不喜欢你的弦外之音 I don’t like what you’re insinuating.
- 爸 我们能走了吗 - 等一下 -Dad, can we go now? -Hold on a second.
我现在觉得我才是备胎 I’m starting to get the feeling that I was the rebound.
爸 刚有人从天而降为你解围 Dad, you just got handed an ex machina.
你就接受吧 You’re taking it.
Varrix的巢穴遍布300个星系 Varrix nests spread across 300 galaxies,
你就恰好选了这个行星来捕猎吗 and you just happened to pick this planet to hunt?
扯得跟蛇怪似的 完全是蛇怪扯 That’s Gorgon shit -- total Gorgon shit!
我们到家啦 We’re home!
- 嘿 回来啦 - 晚饭吃什么啊 -Hey, guys! -What’s for dinner?
- Jerry家怎么样 - 老样子 -How was Jerry’s? -The usual.
- 我们能吃披萨吗 - 听起来棒极了 -Can we have pizza? -Pizza sounds great.
嘿 Rick 你知道我爸正在和一个外星人约会吗 Hey, Rick, did you know my dad was dating an alien?
不知道 真恶心 替那个外星人恶心 No. Gross. For the alien.
真扫兴 我觉得阿纳尔多披萨店关门了 Aw, crap, I think Arnaldo’s is closed.
你们确定想吃披萨吗 Are you guys sure you want pizza?
阿纳尔多披萨店在那个 Arnaldo’s isn’t closed in the dimension
没发明夏令时的次元没关门哦 where they didn’t invent Daylight Savings!
我们没有你可怎么办啊 我爱你 爸爸 What would we do without you? I love you, Dad.
我也爱你 宝贝 Love you, too, sweetie.
对了 这不是时间旅行 By the way, that wasn’t time travel.
就是在柜台上有些披萨 There were just a couple pizzas on the counter.
我就拿过来了 I grabbed them.
嘿 Jerry 我是Kiara -[ Beep] -Hey, Jerry, it’s Kiara.
听着 我男朋友看见了那些你给我发的短信 Listen, my boyfriend saw those texts you’ve been sending me,
然后他特别生气 and he got pretty pissed off
如果他打给你 忽略他就好了 If he calls you, just ignore him!
我是Carmox This is Carmox.
我截获了你和我的新女友Kiara I have intercepted sexual communications
之间的挑逗短信 between you and my new girlfriend, Kiara.
我现在要去杀了你 -l am coming to kill you now! -[ Beep]
呦 Jerry 我是老R RICK: Yo, Jerry, it’s the Big R.
我杀了那个要来追杀你的外星人 Uh, I killed that alien that was coming after ya.
为你保驾护航哦 兄弟 -Looking out for ya, buddy. -[ Beep]
嘿 Jerry 我是Rick Hey, Jerry, it’s Rick.
别生气我上了你的前女友Kiara Don’t be mad. I fucked your ex-girifriend Kiara.
你在跟谁说话 Rick KIARA: Who are you talking to, Rick?
不重要 Doesn’t matter. -[ Beep]
嘿 Jerry 我是Michael Hey, Jerry, this is Michael
古董电话租赁的员工 down at The Antique Phone rentals.
额 我不打算再追究了 也不打算要回 Urn, I’m gonna go ahead and let you off the hook
你七十美元的滞纳金了 for the $70 late fee.
你可以继续留着那个答录机 You can go ahead and keep that answering machine.
反正现在基本也没人用这个了 Nobody really uses those anymore
除非是电视节目上的展示环节 except for exposition on TV shows, anyways.