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Jessica 听说你和Brad分手了 So, Jessica, I heard you broke up with Brad.
现在你想和谁约会都行 你想约谁 Who are you gonna date now that you can date anyone?
[翻译] 阿黛拉 赛尔壳斯 冠风 男蜜大尾尾 邱可乐 张八十
不知道 I don’t know.
当然 如果有个非常特别的人出现 I mean, obviously if someone special comes along...
[校对] 阿朽源氏贼溜 [后期] 紫染 天灵没有盖 [压制/总监] 怪查理
不是一般的特别 B-But I mean really special, like,
是特别到我以前完全不会考虑的类型 nothing I’ve even remotely considered in the past.
妈呀妈呀妈呀 -Holy shit, holy shit. -l want that kind of love
我想要那种互相"磨枪"一样的爱 -like that docking kind of love. -Oh, yeah.
- 没错 - 那种一根鸡巴插进另一根的包皮里的爱 Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love,
又温暖又 just, like, warm, just like...
哈 [Exhaling] He-- [Coughs]
都给我起开 -[Inhales] -Everybody fuck off.
Morty 我需要你的帮助 Morty, I need your help.
我 我们要来一趟快速冒险 W-W-W-We -- We need to go on a quick adventure.
你说过我今天可以上学的 You said I could go to school today.
那是因为之前我没有需要搞到的东西 Morty That was be[burps]fore I needed something, Morty.
阿巴蛋哥星群有个等离子体碎片 There’s a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster.
在一个公主手上 要能给我拿到 我会很屌 A princess has it. If I get it, I’ll be awesome.
我们最近一刻不停地冒险 Rick 这不健康 We’ve been going nonsTop, Rick. It’s not healthy.
我在青春期呢 You know, these are my teenage years.
我刚发现Jessica又单身了 I-I just found out Jessica’s single.
这真是 哇哦 Morty 哇哦 你的人生真精彩 Oh, that’s -- Wow, Morty. Wow. What an exciting life you lead.
我们走吧 20分钟之内结束冒险 Let’s go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure.
他们追上来了 -They’re on our tail! -Steady, Morty. Five cetons.
给我稳住啊 两赛顿 Steady, God damn it! Two cetons.
哇啊 -[ Engine sputters] -MORTY: Wha!
哇啊 [Gasps, moans]
开火 -Fire! -[ Screams]
升高 Morty 升高 升高 Pull up, Morty, pull up! Pull up!
妈的 -Fuck. -[ Sobs]
噢 妈的 Oh, fuck!
妈的 啊 啊 Fuck!Aah! Aah!
我受不了了 I can’t fucking do this anymore!
我们屁滚尿流 差点就死了 That was seriously fucked up. We almost died.
- 你也同意 - 我操当然 太疯狂了 -So you agree? -Fuck yes!That w-- T-This was insane!
刚才全靠运气 That was pure luck.
我对事态没有一点掌控 I was not in control of that situation at all.
看看 Morty 看看我这双手 Look at this, Morty. Look at my fucking hand.
- 看看这玩意儿 - 你为什么要一直这样对我们 - Look at this shit. - Why do you keep doing this to us?!
我不知道 Morty I don’t know, Morty.
也许我恨自己 也许我认为自己该死 Maybe I hate myself. Maybe I think I deserve to die.
我 我不 我不知道 I-I-I-I don’t -- I don’t know!
我们得去度假 We need a vacation.
- 感觉不错吧 - 你没说错 -Isn’t that something? -You were right.
银河系最好的水疗 Best day spa in the galaxy.
而且一点儿也不残忍 It's not even cruel, either.
这些生物只是在做他们在自然界会做的事 These things are just doing what they do in the wild.
他们就喜欢吞入压力大的生物 They love swallowing stressed-out creatures
20分钟后再吐出来 for 20 minutes and then puking them up.
我整个身体都像婴儿屁股一样 My whole body’s like a baby’s ass.
免费心理排毒 Cornplimentary psychological detox?
清理认知毒素 Removes all your cognitive toxins
让你的系统重回纯净 [Gurgles] purifies your system.
这家伙是靠提成吃饭吗 Oof, this guy on commission or something?
我不认为 你靠提成吗 I don’t think... Are you on commission?
我们没有提成 We’re not on commission.
工资按时薪结算 We get paid by the hour.
没有任何奖励机制 [Phiegmy] There’s no incentive, really --
天哪 好了你听着 我们会试用这个仪器 Oh, my God. Okay, listen.W-W-W-Weil try the machine,
但希望有个事儿你也能试一下 but -- but I’d like you to try something.
吞掉你喉咙里的 Try swallowing the giant ball of snot
一大团黏痰 that’s dangling around in the back of your throat.
太恶心了 It’s disgusting.
没人想听那声音 Nobody wants to hear that.
- 这样做懂吗 - 好了 Rick 够了 -That’s what you do. -Okay, Rick, come on. Enough.
你听见我怎么损那家伙吗 Man, did you hear me bite that guy’s head off?
我真的需要放松放松 -Geez, I really need to chill. -[ Whirring]
也许你需要排两次 Maybe you should go through twice.
好了谐星先生 All right, mister comedy man,
别涮我了 没一点帮助 you don’t have to bust my balls.You’re not helping things.
Rick 这东西应该发出这种 Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this [Distorted] noise?
Morty [Echoing] Morty!
- Rick - Morty -Ri-Rick. -Morty!
发生了什么 [Groans] What happened?
我们炸了 傻逼 你真的这么傻吗 We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid?
显然被我吼的那个人让仪器超载了 Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine.
就这点儿东西是干不掉Rick和Morty的 怂逼玩意儿们 It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, motherfucker!
但这些搞不好能干掉 But this might do it.
- 跑啊Morty - 浑身都疼 -Run, Morty! -E-Everything hurts!
因为你没用 GUNK RICK: That’s because you’re worthless!
老天爷 这炸了多少地儿 [Grunts] Jesus, how big was this explosion?
我是天才 我没空处理这逼事儿 I’m a genius. I don’t have time for this shit.
我们是在地狱里吧 Rick W-W-We’re in hell, aren’t we, Rick?
你太蠢了 Morty 你是个白痴 You’re so stupid, Morty. You’re an i[burps]diot.
地狱不存在 [Burps] There’s no such thing as hell.
我相信你 但我只想死 I believe you, but I just want to die.
我说你死你才能死 我掌管着你 You can die when I say so. I control you.
我掌管整个宇宙 我有什么好吹的 I control the universe! Why am I bragging about that?
我不需要证明什么 I have nothing to prove.
我被这些低级杂碎包围 I’m surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and...
还有毒素 Toxins.
我们不在地狱 Morty 我们在排毒器里 We’re not in hell, Morty. We’re in the detoxifier.
这个仪器没有爆炸 它有正常运转 The machine didn’t blow up. It worked normally.
清理掉我们的毒素 It removed our toxins.
我们就是毒素 -We’re the toxins. -[ Screams]
你听见了吗 Are you listening,
你这脑残的垃圾崽子 you stupid little garbage person?!
被排掉的就是我们 We’re what got removed!
我希望你们都在这次的排毒疗程中得到了彻底的放松 I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing.
嘿老兄 听着 我对你的喉咙做出的那些评价 Hey, man, listen, those comments I made about your throat?
没关系的 [Clears throat] It’s all good.
你人真好 没跟我计较 It’s nice of you to let me off the hook.
但那种行为仍然是让人难以接受的 我很后悔说了那些话 It’s still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it.
相信我 我在这儿已经工作很久了 Believe me, man, I’ve been working here a long time.
我懂的 I get it.
嘿 你介意我放点儿音乐吗 Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music?
完全不介意 Not at all.
*握紧我的巨根* Grab my terrifolds
- 这是什么歌 - 我点的乱序播放 -What is that? -l just hit shuffle.
你在开玩笑吗 -Are you kidding? -[ Chuckles]
宇宙啊 嗝 不好意思 This universe. [Belches] Oh, excuse me.
我们应该每天都随机听首歌 We should listen to one random song a day, you know?
结果是我们会听到更多我们不喜欢的歌 We’d end up hearing more songs we didn’t like,
但我们也会发掘出更多以前不知道的歌 but we’d discover a lot more that we did.
这是个有趣的想法 That is an interesting concept.
这让我想到 You know, it makes me wonder
如果有一个数学表达式 if there’s an algorithmic expression
能够求出理想的比例 that could achieve the ideal ratio.
听听我说的什么傻话 [Chuckles] Listen to me
还想要计算快乐呢 [Laughs] trying to calculate happiness over here.
如果真有人可以的话 Rick Hoo, if anyone could, Rick.
有件事是科学计算不来的 Hey, here’s something no science could measure.
我真的很骄傲能做你的外公 Morty I’m real proud to be your grandpa, Morty.
谢谢 Rick 我爱你 Thanks, Rick. I love you.
就是这样 操你妈 就是这样 成功了 多来点儿 Yeah, motherfucker! Yeah! Get it! Get some!
直捣你狗娘的烂菊花 贱姨子 Right up your tucking bitch ass, you fuck!
猜猜谁刚发现了一种新元素 Guess who just discovered a new element?!
你觉得你能做到吗 Morty You think you could do that, Morty?
你觉得除了我 上下五亿年里还有谁能做到 You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years?
你觉得要是有上帝存在 他就能做到吗 Do you think if God existed he could do it?
答案是否定的 The answer is no.
要是有上帝存在 那么我他妈就是上帝 If God exists, it’s fucking me.
是的 Rick 我 我同意 Rick Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick.
在你这条寄生虫晃着你那屎袋子的时候 While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster,
我发现了毒素里相当于电流的东西 Morty I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty.
你对此又怎么看 What do you think about that?
呃 我 我觉得我的声音很烦人 Uh...l th-- I think my voice is annoying.
是很烦人 而且这已经是你浑身最好的一点了 It is, and it’s your best quality.
确实如此 So true.
现在 谁能告诉我这两个分数的最小公分母是什么 Now, who can tell me the common denominator of these two fractions?
你们是都不知道 还是觉得太无聊 You don’t know or y’aII just bored?
嘿 听着 如果我们都觉得很无聊 Hey, listen, you know, wha-if we’re all bored over here,
那我们无聊的共同点(公分母)不应该是你吗 wouldn’t the common denominator be [chuckles] you?
该死的 Morty 你也太搞笑了吧 -[ Laughter] -Damn, Morty. That’s hilarious.
通常来说 我会对任何打断课堂的行为都加以批评 Normally I would come down on any kind of disruption,
但这似乎代表了你的性格在朝着积极的方向变化 but it seems to represent a positive change for your character.
下课 -Class dismissed! -[ Chatter]
- 太棒了 Morty - 干得好 Morty -Awesome, Morty! -You done good, Morty.
是啊 -GIRL: Oh, yeah! -[ Bell rings]
- 谢谢你的建议 Morty - 好样的 -Thanks for the advice, Morty. -You got it.
- 我做到了 Morty - 我就知道你能 -l did it, Morty! -l knew you could.
嗨 Morty 还记得昨天 Hey, Morty, remember yesterday
我吹不来长号吗 when I couldn’t play the trombone?
瞧着吧 Well, check this out!
就像我跟你说过的 Mitch Just like I told you, Mitch.
音乐一直都在你心中 The music was in your heart the whole time.
蠢帽子 真希望我有勇气做我自己 Stupid hat.Wish I had the courage to just be myself.
这才对嘛 There you are.
你也许骗得过这些白痴 You might have all these idiots fooled,
但我知道你仍然还是那个可悲的失败者 but I know you’re still the same pathetic loser
藏在你自信的外表之下 hiding behind a confident facade.
我知道这些 因为 I know that because...
我也是一样的 兄弟 I’m doing the same thing, brother.
我再也不是一个人了 -I’m not alone anymore! -[ Music resumes]
嗨 Morty 学校里到处都在谈论你变得超级积极健康了 Hey, Morty. Word around school is you’ve become super healthy.
我也不知道 I don’t know about all that.
不过我的确知道我得了一种很严重的病 I do, however, know that I have a pretty bad case of
那就是还没和你共进晚餐 haven’t taken you to dinner-it is.
可能会致命哦 Might be fatal. [Chuckles]
孩子们 呃 希望我没打断你们 Hey, kids. Uh, hope I’m not interrupting.
Morty 能占用一点你的时间吗 Morty, a moment of your time?
乐意帮忙 Rick Happy to help, Rick.
我不想让你为这件事心烦 I hate to bug you with this,
但今早我徒步锻炼完之后 我的亚以太手机开始收到非常微弱 but after our morning hike, I started receiving very faint,
但又很不寻常的信息 highly unusual transmissions on my sub-ether phone.
听 -Listen. -[ Celiphone beeps]
手机坏了 扔掉吧 -[ Beep] -It's a bad phone. Chuck it.
我把我的设备降级成了翻盖机 只用于紧急联络 I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only.
你知道 如果是值得说出来的事情 You know, if-- if-- if something’s worth saying,
那就值得面对面地说 i-it’s worth eye contact.
呃 我追查了电话的来源 Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call
是从我们去的疗养中心那里打来的 Morty back to the spa we went to, Morty.
我觉得我能在这通电话里听到某个声音 I thought I could hear a voice in there,
所以我加强了这个声音 你听 so I enhanced it, a-and listen.
- 喂 臭傻逼 - 噢 老兄 -GUNK RICK: Hey, asshole! -GUNK MORTY: Oh, man!
- 还记得我们吗 - 啊 我不喜欢对峙 -Remember us? -l don’t like confrontation!
你们毁了我们 你们这些垃圾 GUNK RICK: You fucked us, you pieces of garbage!
对 你们他妈才是垃圾 不是我们 That’s right, you’re fucking garbage, not us.
老子是天才 老子还是上帝 I’m a fucking genius and a god.
你真以为这玩意儿关得住我吗 You really think this thing can hold me?
我要撕烂你的喉咙 -I’m gonna rip your throat -- -[ Beep]
Morty 要是我们的有毒人格是有独立的意识的 Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities,
也有他们的求生欲望怎么办 their own will to live?
会不会是我的有毒人格跟我同样聪明 W-What if mine shares my intelligence
然后找到了联系我们的方法 and devised a way to reach out to us?
他听上去非常痛苦 Sounds like he’s in a lot of pain.
特别痛苦 [Smacks lips] Lot Of Pain.
但 要知道 你其实不用去处理这些事的 But, you know, you shouldn’t have to deal with that, man.
这样吧 咱们去玩玩 You know, I-let’s work off your trauma
都市单车瑜伽来化解你的创伤怎么样 with some urban spin yoga.
这运动特别赞 你在单车上做瑜伽 It’s amazing. You do yoga on a bike,
但你还有个处于危险中的青春期前的 but you have an at-risk preteen --
我觉得我没法不管这事儿 Morty I don’t think I can just blow this off, Morty.
要是我一早知道那机器是这么运作的 If I had known it worked this way,
我肯定不会做那个去毒疗程 I wouldn’t have detoxed.
不过 当时我可能会 因为那时候我还有负面人格 Well, I would have because I was toxic.
但现在既然我是健康的人格 我得对负面人格负责对吧 Now I’m detoxed and I’m accountable to my toxins, right?
- 真是两难 - 我知道我要怎么做了 -I-It’s a dilemma. -I think I know what to do.
Morty Morty!
Rick 目前唯一的问题其实是你这个硕大的脑袋 Rick! [ Laughs ]You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain
怀念需要解决那些硕大的问题的时光了 that misses eating all them big fat problems.
把目光放在好事情上吧 相信我 生活是美好的 Focus on the good things. Trust me, things are good.
把这想法从我身上拿走的话 Taking that away from me [ChuckIes]
那就太不健康了 that wouldn’t be healthy.
你真的是世界上最棒的外公 Oh, man. World’s Greatest Grandpa, for reals.
这不是那种印在咖啡杯上的客套话 老兄 It’s not just a coffee cup for you, bud.
你本来就是 You’re legit.
我爱打鼓 但我从来没去上打鼓课 I love drums. I never took drum lessons.
为什么呢 自我设限 Why? Limitations.
我们容易沉溺于自身的局限之中 We are addicted to our own limitations.
多奇妙的人性 How amazing is that?
甘蓝菜是厨房现做的吗 Is the kale prepared in the kitchen?
我要杯水好了 -Ill have a water. -Uh...
呃 蔬菜冷馨怎么样 how is the.. .“Crudité’
蔬菜冷盘 就是一碗胡萝卜棒 Crudité. It's a cup of carrot sticks.
哈 没关系的 想怎么发音都没问题 Ha! It’s okay! Pronounce it however you want.
文字只是琐事而已 Words are just things.
麻烦回避一下 谢谢 我们正说话呢 Please. Thank you. We’re having a conversation.
天呐 终于能跟你共进晚餐了 我特别兴奋 God, I am so excited to finally have dinner with you.
你知道我等这一刻等多久了吗 You know how long I’ve been waiting for this?
感觉就像 哇哦 It’s like, whew!
我倒是挺希望你闭嘴不说话的 I-I-I wish you’d shut up, though.
开玩笑的 只是 你今天特别安静 怎么了啊 Just kidding. You know, you’re so quiet. What’s wrong?
要不你跟我说说你自己吧 W-Why don’t you tell me about yourself?
Jessica星的大气是怎么样的 What’s the atmosphere like on planet Jessica?
赤道在哪里 Where’s the equator?
有什么假期 还有假日什么的吗 What are the vacations a-and the holidays?
我是说 它们是同样的日子吗 随便跟我说点什么 I mean, you know [Laughs] are they the same time?Talk to me.
那个 我挺喜欢这家餐厅的 Well like this restaurant.
妈呀 妈呀 咱们这有个蠢货 Holy shit! Holy shit! We have a moron over here!
我真是个傻瓜 I’m an idiot.
我不敢相信我之前没想到这个 I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this.
你得试试我之前做过的那个去毒疗程 You have to do this detox thing I did.
在一个外星SPA里 你通过那个机器 It's at an alien spa. You go through it.
噗嘶嘶 各种激光 噗哎噗哎 咦唔咦唔 Fwoos-s-s-ssh, lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa.
就把什么都给吸走了 [Imitates lasers] Sucks everything out.
所有那些拖我后腿的 不好的东西 Everything that was holding me back, everything bad,
我是说 它会 呼噜呼噜 I mean, it just [Makes suction noises]
哈哈哈 是不是 [ Laughs] Right?
酷 Cooooool.
天呐 简直不敢相信 Oh, my God! I can’t believe this.
是啊 电话都很糟 我已经把我的降级为 Yeah, phones are awful. I downgraded to --
我竟然忘了我 I totally forgot my...
我有个事要做 然后 I have a...thing, and...
一切都好吗 -Things are good. -You know what?
说实话 我为什么要这么做呢 Why am I doing that?
这比真相还要伤人 That’s more rude than the truth.
是这样的 对不起 Morty 我只是不认为 Look, I’m sorry, Morty. I just don’t think --
根本不需要 你不用解释的 没问题的 Do not. Even. You have no need to explain.It's all good.
我想我会让你觉得无聊 I think you’d get bored with me.
没错 你看 咱们没擦出什么火花 E-Exactly. Look, the sparks aren’t flying.
这就是约会的用处 知道吗 This is what dating is for, you know?
第一次约会 没擦出火花 [Laughs I First date, no sparks.
没有任何损失 也不会有担忧 人生就是高速公路 No damage, no worries. Life is a highway.
我们要纵情飞驰下去 We’re gonna ride it all night lonnngg!
吃点蔬菜冷盘吧 嗯 Gonna eat some “Crudité.” Mmm!
这是有机的吗 嗯 Is this organic? Mmm.
好吧 无论如何 夜晚还在继续 All right.You know, the evening continues.
好的 咱们开始吧 Okay, here we go.
小姐 恐怕我有个坏消息要告诉你 Ma’am, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.
你的钱在这用不了 Your money’s no good here. [Laughs]
下一轮我请了 I’ll -- I’ll get the next round, sir.
- 你不只是个孩子么 - 只在要紧的方面是而已 -Aren’t you a child? -Only in the ways that matter.
- Morty - Stacy -Morty. -[ Sighs] Stacy.
我刚才一直在看你喝酒 Stacy I’ve been watching you drink, Stacy.
我觉得你的工作应该是挺辛苦的 I get the feeling you’ve got a hard job.
我想知道什么能让你开心 I wonder what it takes to please you.
我想要那样的差事 无论是兼职的 全职的 That’s the job I want -- part time, full time,
我想要胜任它 搞砸它 I want to be good at it, bad at it.
我想要在这份工作上升职 被炒 I want to get promoted, fired,
坐拥高管办公室 经历恶意并购 corner office, hostile takeover,
受工伤等等等等 我已经准备好跪下了 Stacy workplace accident.I’m on my knees, Stacy,
认真祷告 神魂颠倒 跪地求饶 你想要什么都行 praying, worshiping, begging, whatever you want.
你觉得怎么样 [Sniffs] I What do you think about that?
好吧 管他妈的呢 Okay. Fuck it.
干杯 -[ Glasses clink] -Tink.
咱们问问我外公吧 他是个科学家 MORTY: Let’s ask my grandpa. He’s a scientist.
嗨 Rick 你了解Benoi科技吗 Hey, Rick, are you familiar with Ben Watechnology?
Morty 好消息 Morty, great news.
我又去了趟那家SPA 他们让我买下了 I went back to the spa, and they let me purchase
那个去毒仪器的废物储存罐 the containment unit from their detoxifier.
- 为啥 - 因为我们要回家了 贱人 - Why? - Because we’re coming home, bitch!
- 这是啥 - 这是你怂逼爷爷真实的另外一部分 What is this?This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real.
你好像也丢了一部分 Oh -- Oh, and I think you dropped something, too!
我不想对着镜头 I don’t want to be on-camera.
我又丑又恶心 求你了 I’m ugly and gross. Please.
- 我是不是该走了 - 你怎样都好 Stacy -Should I go? -You’re your own person, Stacy.
那我要待在这儿 Then I’d like to stay.
Rick 求你别把那玩意再塞回给我们了 Rick, please tell me you’re not trying to put that stuff back inside of us.
抱歉Morty 那东西有生命 而且是我们的一部分 Morty, I’m sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us.
我们把他们赶出去 关在罐子里 We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can.
你妈逼的 -[ Clanks] -Motherfucker!
看见没 他们很痛苦 See? They’re living in pain.
他们不就是这样吗 痛苦地活着 That’s what they do, Rick. They live in pain.
他们本身就是痛苦啊 They are pain, you know?
他们包含了我们的各种烂逼人格 Th-They’re all the bad parts of us, which, by the way,
还包括我们的狡诈 includes our dishonesty,
所以你怎么确定这不是陷阱呢 so how do you know this isn’t all some sort of crazy trick?
所以我完全是由毒素构成就能说明我是个骗子吗 Oh, so now because I’m made entirely of toxins,I’m also a liar?
操你妈的小变态 Fuck you, you little sociopath.
- 听到了吗 Morty - 我知道大家都讨厌我 - You hear this, Morty? - Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell.
- 你们都恨我 - 好了 闭嘴Morty -Y-You all hate me -- -All right, shut up, Morty.
健康的Rick 我们还搞不搞了 Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what?
嗯 抱歉Morty 你得到亭子里去 Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you to step into the booth.
别跟那个小没良心的商量 傻缺 Don’t negotiate with that little turd, dummy.
你是Rick 该你说了算 You’re the Rick. You need to show dominance.
Morty 去亭子里 现在 Morty, booth, now. Booth!
- 来吧 Morty - 别碰我 -Come on, Morty. -Don’t touch me!
Morty 这是为你好 主动吸纳这些毒素吧 Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself.
不要啊 Nooooo!
我觉得这样有点性感 这么想好吗 Is it wrong if I think this is kind of hot?
放我出去 Stacy救我 开门 Let me out of here! Stacy, help! Open the door!
你得说出安全词 Morty I need to hear our safe word, Morty.
海参 海参 Sea Cucumber! Sea Cucumber!
- 你干嘛 - 为了你我什么都愿意 Morty - What are you doing? - I'll do anything for you, Morty.
不要 [ Booth hisses, whirs]No...
成功了 那傻逼什么都信 It worked! [Laughs] Yes! That idiot believed every word.
现在我们看看他在罐子里有多快活 Now let’s see how he enjoys living in that shit tank.
他就在我后面 是吗 He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
- 他就在你面前 - 我眼睛还没适应过来 -He’s in front of you. -My eyes are still adjusting.
这是性爱地牢吗 Uh, is this like a sex dungeon?
我确实应该小心点儿的 I guess I should’ve been paying attention.
在一个多愁善感的傻缺 GUNK RICK: After 70 years of being bottled up
体内困了70年后 inside a [burps] sentimental jackass,
我终于自由了 I finally get to live my own life.
你说我们会合体的 You said we were merging.
我骗了你 傻缺 我就是个大骗子 I lied, dumbass! I lie about everything!
我干嘛要跟你这种怂逼合体 Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy like you?
你本来是想把我们关在罐子里的吗 So...you were just gonna trap us in that tank?
- 你原本这么想的 - 不 傻逼 我现在还这么想 - T-That was your plan? - Not was, motherfucker. Still is.
干掉他 Rick -[ Groans] -Kill him, Rick!
我讨厌这样 好可怕啊 I don’t like this! This is scary!
好吧 你自找的 All right, you asked for it.
这是我自找的吗 -Did I ask for this? -[ Groans]
这也是我自找的是吗 是吗 Did I ask for this? Huh? Did I?
检测到对裆部的威胁 -[ Whirs] -Assessing threat to groin.
裆部保护系统6000 杀了他 Groin System 6000. Kill him!
那是 我裆部的主人 That. . . is my groin’s user.
我用到裆部的次数可比他多得多 Believe me, I got a lot more use out of that thing than he ever did.
怎么着吧 我不管了 You know what? Not my table.
你的确认识我 -You do know me. -[ Gasps]
咋回事 外公 What the hell, Grandpa Rick?
- 滚你妈的 Summer - 抱歉 Summer -Fuck you, Summer! -Sorry, Summer!
别冲动 不要这样 Okay, okay, take it easy. Don’t do it.
我爱你 好宝贝 I love you. Good boy.
爸爸的好宝贝 Daddy’s little boy.
Summer 快离开这儿 Summer, get out of here! Go!
那是谁 Oh, who’s that? Who[burps]’s that over there?
看到你面前那个坏人了吗 Oh, no. You see the bad man in front of you?
好宝贝 干掉他 You’re a good little boy. You’re gonna get him.
干掉他 -[ Creature roars] -You’re gonna get him.
狗逼养 Son of a...
休想 傻逼 Nice try, asshole.
我们可以和解的 We can resolve [panting] our issues.
我们不需要采用这么极端的 We don’t need to resort to over-the-Top --
我成功了 Rick 我拿到罐子了 I-I did it, Rick. I got the tank!
我是个废物 但我拿到罐子了 I-I’m a piece of shit, but I got the tank!
你滚回罐子吧 傻逼 You’re going in that tank, motherfucker.
你就在那片毒废土上活着吧 You’re gonna [burps] live in that toxic shit wasteland
像我之前那样 like I had to do!
没错 傻逼 你就要 GUNK RICK: That’s right, motherfucker.You’re going in that fuckin’ --
爸爸们 Dads?
别牵扯上她 Okay, just -- just leave her out of it.
怎么回事 What’s going on?
去你妈的 执行备用计划 All right, tuck this. Time for plan B.
既然我没法把你关在毒素罐里 It I can’t trap you in a toxic world,
我就把这里变成毒素世界 I’ll just make the whole world toxic.
没事的 姑娘们 It’s okay, girls.
很抱歉我的一些行为把我们置于危险之中 I-I’m so sorry I put us in danger with some of my behavior.
我可以去花园里 I-If you’d like, I can go out in the g-garden,
采一些新鲜的罗勒 给我们大家做一份美味的油炸肉片 pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice Scallopini.
那个鼻屎一样的你是什么意思 What did the booger version of you mean
他说他要让整个世界都中毒 when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic?
亲爱的 相信我 那个人的动机是个谜 Believe me, sweetie, that man’s motivations are a mystery.
去他的 Rick 我们得要阻止他 Screw that, Rick. We got to sTop him.
你最不想对那个缸子 What’s the last thing you’d think about doing
做的是什么事情 with that tank thing?
Morty 我很欣赏你试着去做的事情 Morty, I appreciate what you’re trying to do,
但是轮不到我们来决定 but it’s not our place, you know,
从什么样的末日中去拯救哪一个世界 to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse.
我 我们的有毒体一样有权利根据他们的世界观 Our -- Our toxins have as much a right to their woridview as --
Morty 扇我耳光怎么会是健康的呢 Morty, how is it healthy to slap me?
显然我对健康的理解 Obviously my version of health
和你们的有天差地别 is a hell of a lot different from yours,
你个没用的老垃圾 you useless old turd.
等等 我想到了 Wait. That’s it.
排毒机怎么知道 How could that detox machine know the difference
怎么区分里面事物的健康与否呢 between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it?
它做不到的 It can’t.
它必须是通过每个人自己对毒性的定义来判断的 It must be by the individual’s own definition of toxicity.
那就是说 That means...
- 爸 - 这是怎么回事 Rick -Dad! -What -- What the hell, Rick?
我路上再解释 I’ll explain on the way.
Morty 这就是月亮塔 GUNK RICK: This “Moon Tower,” Morty,
完美的高度与金属构成 i[burps]s the perfect height and metallic composition
用于放大并发射有毒能量 for the a[burps]mplification and beaming of toxic energies.
Morty 你怎么看 What do you think about that, Morty?
Morty 有没有很激动 Are you excited about that, Morty?
哦 天 这里太高了 吓到我了 Oh, man. I’m just freaked out. I-It’s too high up here.
只要我扳下这个开关 Once I flip this switch,
整个世界都会像我们一样有毒的 the entire world is gonna be just as toxic as us, baby.
赞美仁慈的天父 As we praise our loving Father --
上帝是我们编造出来赚钱的谎言 God is a lie! We made him up for money!
圣诞老人不是真的 Santa Claus isn’t real.
你们从一开始就是错误 You were all mistakes! [Groans]
Morty 我们他妈的做到了 [Laughs] We fuckin’ did it, Morty.
快他妈的举起你的双手 Put your fuckin’ hands in the air.
你这小废物 Yeah, you little piece of shit.
还记得我吗 Remember me?
上次打不过我 你没学到点什么吗 Didn’t you learn last time that you can’t beat me?
对 我学到了 但之后我又学了点别的 Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else.
- 比如说这个 - 啊啊啊 -This. -Aah! [Screams, moans]
那个子弹里装着加密的纳米病毒 That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus
会在大约20分钟内分解你的Morty that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes.
你觉得我在乎吗 You think I give a shit?
我知道你在乎的 傻瓜 I know you give a shit, dummy.
因为我知道我自己不在乎 Because I know I don’t.
我还知道一件事 Here’s another thing I know.
中和病毒的解密方法 The decryption key that neutralizes the virus.
想要吗 来拿呀 You want it? Come and get it.
和我融合 你就知道怎么救他了 Merge with me and you’ll know how to save him.
切 拜托 我被困在 Pfft. Come on, man. I’ve been trapped
你的孬逼脑子里犯了七十年的傻 in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions,
但这是我见过最唬不住人的 but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I’ve ever --
- 嗷嗷 - 天哪 你在做什么 Jesus Christ! What are you doing?!
- 他把时间缩短了一半 还有10分钟 - 哦哦 好疼 - He’s cutting your time in half.10 minutes. - Ohh! It hurts!
你什么毛病 What is your problem?
哦 我把我所有的毛病都去掉了 觉得别人都欠我 Oh, I had all my problems removed -- my entitlement,
自恋 让我寸步难行的孤独 my narcissism, my crippling loneliness,
不理性的感情 my irrational attachments.
这些东西肯定在什么地方 兄弟 但不在我这儿 They must be somewhere. They ain’t over here, bro.
我不要回去 I’m not going back in there!
说实话 我怎样都不在乎 Honestly, I don’t care either way.
我讨厌拥有你这部分感情 I hate having you in me.
当我说"说实话"的时候 你完全可以信我 And when I say “honestly” you can believe it,
因为我们都知道我是健康的 不会说谎 because we both know I’m too healthy to lie.
看着 -Watch. -[ Screams]
够了 停下 你唬不住人的 All right! Knock it off! You’re not impressing anyone.
Morty 不是我在乎你 但是你还好吗 Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay?
- 天啊 超疼 - 放松 别抱怨了 -Jesus Christ, it hurts. -Relax, quit your bitching.
你 你会没事的 外公在呢 Y-You’re gonna be fine. Grandpa’s here.
你觉得很好玩吗 -[ Laughs] -You think that’s funny?
你得对这种事有点幽默感 Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things.
哦 等等 你做不到 Oh, wait, you can’t.
你是真的没有办法从更高的角度看事情 You’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture.
我觉得很搞笑 I guess it’s just funny because you’ve never done
你除了抱怨我主导一切以外什么都没做 anything but complain about me being in charge,
但如果我让你做主的话 我们五分钟之内就都死了 but if I ever gave you the wheel we’d be dead in five minutes.
- Rick - 你这个可怜 愚蠢 病态的禽兽 -Rick? -You poor, dumb, sick animal.
Rick [Weakly] Rick?
啊 动手吧 Aah! Just do it!
动手吧 你个 Just do it, you piece of--
我回来啦 宝贝 正常的Rick 两个世界的统治者 I’m back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds!
快看啊 Check it it out! Farts]
不好意思 “Excuse me.”
现在我们来扭转这恶心的毒性光束 Now we’ll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam.
我生气的时候真的容易想太多 Man, I really overthink shit when I’m angry.
哦 还要 -[ Moaning] -Oh, give it to me.
嗯么 Mm, ma-mah.
上帝不是谎言 God is not a lie.
妈咪 妈咪 Mommy! Mommy!
哈 搞定啦 Morty Ha! All right, Morty,
现在该重新融合你个小兔崽子了 now it’s time we re-merge your little ass.
Rick 你是个比我优秀的人 You’re a better man than me, Rick.
我很健康 我愿意承认这一点 I’m healthy enough to admit that!
这孩子真是个混蛋 That kid is a real piece of shit.
你 你会救我的 对吧 Y-Y-You’re gonna save me, right?
一部分我很想救你 毒Morty Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty.
一部分我真的很想 Part of me really wanted to.
我跟你说 这些股票超级火 对 I’m telling you, these shares are hot. Yeah.
听起来是个好主意 绝对是个好主意 That sounds like a good idea. It’s definitely a good idea.
Duane Duane Duane 我懂你的意思 你知道我在说什么吗 Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it. Now can you get me?
我什么时候骗过你 Have I ever lied to you?
这就对了 到处打听打听 我从来不骗人 Duane That’s right, and ask around, I never do, Duane.
咱们把话说得简单明了 Let me put this real simple.
这支股是个刚单身的红发女孩儿 This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently single,
她不找人约会 却时刻都会坠入爱河 not looking to date but ready to fall in love,
命运让她的储物柜与你的之间只有两格相隔 Duane and fate has put her locker two down from yours, Duane --
两格之隔 two lockers down.
要么上前 要么后退 Duane So step up or step off, Duane.
蓝药片还是红药片(<黑客帝国>) 你说呢 兄弟 Blue pill or red pill, what’ll it be, bro?
完全理解 Duane Totally understand, Duane.
你说了算 -You’re the boss. -[ Phone beeps]
海茵赫兹生物科技 Heinholz Biotech --
33刀的价钱买150万 million and a half at thirty-three.
哈 -[ Cheers and applause] -Heh.
你真他妈是个怪物 You little fuckin’ monster.
嗯 这是有机的么 Mmm! Is this organic?
嗯 Mmm!
这是Morty 请讲 -[ Celiphone vibrates] -Go for Morty.
嗨 Morty 是Jessica Hi, Morty. It’s Jessica.
听着 能聊两句吗 一分钟就好 Look, can we just talk for a minute?
Rick追踪我的位置要这么久是吗 Is that how long it takes for Rick to trace my location?
回来吧 Morty 我想你 Come back, Morty. I miss you.
你想念的是过去的我 You miss the old me.
你想念的是那个深爱着你 You miss someone that loved you so much,
而你无需回报以爱的人 you never had to love ‘em back.
你怎么知道我不想爱你 How do you know I don’t want to love you?
- 因为我没病 - 前女友 -Because I’m not sick. -Ex-girlfriend?
- 我该吃醋么 - 没什么值得吃醋的事儿 - Should I be jealous? - There’s nothing to be jealous of.
我刚想起来 我安排的那个和筹款人的谈话 I just realized that I’m scheduled to speak at that fundraiser
刚好在我们打算约会的日子 on our date night.
- 我可以取消掉 - 我们一起去 就当是约会 - I can cancel. - We’ll be together. That’s a date.
你真是完美 You are the perfect man.
喔 宝贝 我想你按错键了 Oh, sweetie, I think you hit the wrong button.
你没挂断电话 You didn’t hang up.
噢 会怎样呢 Huh. How ‘bout that?
<美国精神病人> 2000年美国电影 主角是一个拥有双重性格的华尔街骄子
抱歉 小小美国精神病人 Sorry, tiny American Psycho.
是时候来一针毒药了 Time to take the op[burps]posite of your medicine.
想干啥就干啥吧 Do what you got to do. [Screams]Oh! Ow! Aah!
感觉怎么样 Morty So, how do you feel, Morty?
- 啊 天啊 我好痛苦 - 我厉不厉害 -Ah, geez. I’m miserable. -Am I good or what?
我觉得这也值了 至少 知道你有多在乎我 I guess it’s worth it, though, to know how much you care.
在乎你 我 Morty 我并不在乎你 Care? Me? Morty, I’m fine with you.
- 我这么做只是为了他 - 你个扯谎的婊子 -l only did this for him. -You lying bitch.
她老是来我们家 Morty 一直问我 She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me,
"你 你找到新的Morty了么" “Did -- Did -- D-Did you get a new Morty yet?”
因为你老是喝多了给我打电话哭诉这事儿 Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it.
我没哭 I wasn’t crying!
Jacquelyn 我 Jacquelyn, I --
我 我不是我原来说的那样 I-I-I wasn’t who I said I was.
你不是一个来自中西部的 You weren’t a 14-year-old boy from the Midwest
从家里逃走 然后变成一个股票经纪人 who ran away from his family and capitalized
靠着没良心发家的 14岁少年 on his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker?
我猜我对这些事还挺坦诚的 是么 Oh. I guess I was pretty up front about that, wasn’t I?
你对所有事都很坦诚 You were up front about everything.
你是我的灵魂伴侣 You were my soul mate.
嗯 不 不再是了 我打算 嗯 Well... N-Not anymore. Ill, um...
这个公寓你可以留着 Y-You can keep the apartment
还有 还有 还有那些无人机 and -- and -- and, uh...the drones.
无人机不能给她 She can’t keep the drones.
他们可以变成一个小百兽王机器人 They turn into a little Voltron robot.
棒呆了好么 They’re awesome.
无人机不能给你 You can’t keep the drones.
和Brad的约会怎么样 So, how was your date with Brad?
那不是约会 我们就是吃个饭而已 It wasn’t a date. We were just having lunch.
你们俩打算复合 是不是 You guys are getting back together, aren’t you?
Morty 有个冒险我需要你的帮助 Morty, I need your help on an adventure.
呃 "需要"这个词有点过头了 Eh, “need” is a strong word.
我们"需要"门挡 但是拿块砖也能行 We need door sTops, but a brick would work, too.
行吧 Okay.
Morty Morty.
很高兴你能回来 Good to have you back.
你们有试过被尿在身上么 Have you ever been peed on before?
我的天啊 太美味了 Oh, my God. Yum.
*嘿 你有没有想过握住一个巨根* Hey, did you ever want to hold a terrifold?
*我这正好有一个* I got one right here
*抓住我的肥唇* Grab my tern-flap
*挤它* Squeeze it
*抓住它 挤它* Grab it, squeeze it,
*拽一拽我的肥唇* tug on my tern-flap.
*嘿 我想和你一起* Hey, I want to take you to
*跳巨根的舞* The terrifold dance
*想跟我一起来么 你可以抓住我的巨根* Wanna come with me? You can grab my holdie-folds
*紧紧捏住他们* Squeeze ‘em tight
*你这个混蛋* You son of a bitch
*吸我的幽静花园深处* Suck my holdie-flappy folds
*舔我的曲径通幽小路* Lick my flappy foldie-holes
*我的大肥唇在你嘴里* My tern-flaps in your mouth
*吸我的肥唇 你这坨屎* Suck my flaps, you piece of shit
虽然月亮塔现在只剩下为数不多的几座 MAN: Although only a handful of moon towers remain today,
但是在19世纪末它们很常见 they were popular in the late 19th century.
它们可以点亮一整座城镇 An entire town could be illuminated by...
这他妈是什么 What the hell is this?
海参 -Sea Cucumber! -[ Tour guide screams]
海参 Sea Cucumber!