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Morty Morty?!
- Morty - Rick -Morty! -Rick?
[翻译] 沈女士生日快乐 屠龙少女 赛尔壳斯 pendz 冠风 阿又又 阿黛拉 胡子君 飞尔勒斯扣
- 嘿 Morty - Rick Hey, Morty?! -Rick?
你在远处 还是在什么东西里 Are you far away, or are you inside something?
[校对] 阿朽 [后期] 天灵没有盖 [压制/总监] 怪查理
这是相机吗 Is this a camera?
还是说所有东西都是相机 Is everything a camera?
Morty 我在车库里 听见没 RICK: Morty, the garage, Morty.
快到车库里来 Come to the garage!
Morty Morty?
Rick 你 你在哪里 Rick? W-Where are you?
在我的工作台上 On my work bench, Morty.
你是打算隐身之后朝我放屁吗 Are you invisible and you’re gonna, like, fart on me?
把这根腌黄瓜翻过来 Flip the pickle over.
搞什么 我要是碰了它 What, I’m gonna touch it,
你是不是要告诉我这是根外星鸡巴之类的 and you’re gonna tell me it’s an alien dick or something.
别废话 赶紧把这根腌黄瓜翻过来 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty.
你不会后悔的 包你惊喜 You’re not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge.
我把自己变成了一根腌黄瓜 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty!
大揭秘 我是腌黄瓜 Boom! Big reveal -- I’m a pickle.
你觉得怎么样 What do you think about that?
我成功变身成一根腌黄瓜 I turned myself into a pickle!
你就这么盯着我干嘛 W-What are you just staring at me for, bro?
我把自己变成了一根腌黄瓜 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty!
- 还有呢 - 还要什么 -And? -And?
你还想我在后面加上句什么 What more do you want tacked on to this?
我把自己变成了腌黄瓜 还有911事件是自己人干的 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job.
- 真的吗 - 抓住重点 -Was it? -Who cares, Morty?
国际恐怖主义天天有 Global acts of terrorism happen every day.
这件事是前所未有 Uh, here’s something that’s never happened before --
我变成了腌黄瓜 I’m a pickle.
腌黄瓜Rick I’m Pickle Rick!
你是打算 这要怎么说 Are you going to, I mean, you know --
这是什么魔术的第一个环节吗 Is this the first part of some kind of magic trick?
我不变魔术 我只搞科学 I don’t do magic, Morty, I do science.
一个靠脑子 另一个靠黑色眼线 One takes brains, the other takes dark eyeliner.
那你会动吗 还是说你会飞 Well, can you move? Can you fly?
要是可以的话 我就不能算是一根正宗的腌黄瓜了 Wouldn’t be much of a pickle if I could.
好吧 那腌黄瓜可以长生不老还是 All right, well, do pickles live forever or --
别刨根问底了 安静地崇拜我就行 Morty, sTop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed.
- 我现在可是一根腌黄瓜了 - 我 我就想 -I’m a pickle. -I-I’m just trying
搞明白 你为什么要这么做 to figure out why you would do this --
怎么会有人做出这种事来 why anyone would do this.
任何人会这么做的原因 假设他们能做到 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could,
事实上他们不能 都是因为他们能做到 which they can’t, would be because they could,
但他们不能 -which they can’t. -[ Door opens]
我们得赶紧出发了 不然就晚了 Morty, we have to get going, or we’re gonna be late.
- 你外公人在哪儿 - 在这儿呢 -Where’s your grandpa? -RICK: Right here, sweetie.
- 我现在是根腌黄瓜了 - 你搞什么 -I’m a pickle! -What?!
你干嘛 算了 Why would you -- Ugh!
听着 我们要迟到了 赶紧出发 Look, we’re running late. We have to go.
你们要去哪里 W-Where are you guys going?
我们预约了咨询 要进城 We have an appointment downtown
—周前就定了 全员通过 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone,
也包括你 including you.
哦 天呐 Beth 我全忘光了 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind.
哎呀 我成了腌黄瓜 Geez, oh, man. I’m a pickle.
我不知道我能不能 哎呀 I mean, I don’t know jf I can -- Ooh, geez.
Rick 你是不是故意这样做 想逃掉家庭心理咨询 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?
- Morty - 没事的 Beth -Morty! -It's okay, Beth.
我能理解Morty的猜疑 I understand Morty’s suspicion.
毕竟我以前骗过他 I’ve misled him before.
Morty 帮我翻个身 好让我看着你的眼睛 Morty, turn me so we’re making eye contact.
Morty 我向你保证 Morty, I assure you,
我永远不会"找法子"来"逃避"家庭咨询 I would never find a wayto get out of family therapy.
希望即便我没有手指 你也能领会到我打引号的动作 I hope my lack of fingers doesn’t prevent the perception of my air quotes.
你就不能把自己变回人吗 Can’t you just turn yourself back into a human?
问得好 Summer Great question, Summer.
但不幸的是 The unfortunate answer is
我这是为了挑战自我 I did this to challenge myself.
可能会花上几小时 甚至几天 And it could take hours or even days
我才能搞清 要如何变回人类形态 before I’m able to figure out how to return to human form.
但是 我是说 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me
你妈妈可以把我放在钱包或口袋里 your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know,
如果她真的需要我过去的话 if she really needs me to go.
什么都不需要 没事的 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it’s fine.
你就待在这儿 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out
然后搞清楚怎样变回来 行吧 how to sTop being a pickle, okay?
Rick 为什么有支装着神秘液体的注射器 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid
悬在你的正上方 hanging directly over you?
还有 为什么栓着它的绳子 Also, why is the string attached to it running through
要穿过一把连接有计时器的剪刀 a pair of scissors attached to a timer?
以及为什么时间定在十分钟以后 And why is the timer set to 10 minutes from now,
正好是我们出发去做心理咨询的时间 exactly when we would have left for therapy?
Morty 如果你非要知道 Well, Morty, if you must know,
这支注射器完全和此次讨论无关 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion
因此 根本不值得更进一步的解释 and, therefore, does not warrant further explanation.
够了 孩子们 该走了 别迟到 Enough. Kids, it’s time to go. We don’t want to be late.
你 你 你在干什么 Beth W-W-What are you doing there, Beth?
你在干什么 宝贝儿 W-What are you doing there, sweetie?
你也不想被一根里面充满了与你的处境 Well, I mean, you don’t want to get pierced by a needle
无关的液体的针扎到对吧 full of liquid unrelated to your situation.
毕竟没有什么用 How’s that gonna help?
无法反驳 Can’t argue with that.
很好 我们回头见 Great. We’ll see you later.
嘿 嘿 小心点 Hey, hey, be careful with that.
它有其他用处 -It’s for something else. -[ Car doors open, close]
真的挺重要的 -[ Engine starts] -It’s really important,
别打碎了 so don’t break it.
好吧 我他妈可能搞砸了 Okay, I may have fucked up here.
Dup ap ap pap ut dah pap pap pap pah Dup, ap, ap, pap, Ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
T-t-tah tah T-T-Tah, tah.
哦 真棒 -[ Cat meows] -Oh, great.
蠢猫 Stupid cat.
喔 喔 喔 喔 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
我知道这看起来像什么 Izzy 但我不是蛇 I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I’m not a snake!
我看过油管视频 知道猫咪害怕青黄瓜和腌黄瓜 I’ve seen the YouTube videos. I know cats are scared
因为看上去像蛇 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they’re snakes.
我不是蛇 -[ Hisses] -I’m not a snake!
我是根腌黄瓜 我是根腌黄瓜 I’m a pickle, I’m a pickle!
哇啊 Whoa! [ Grunts ]
哇啊啊啊啊啊 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
我靠 完了 太阳太大了 Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
好吧 振作点 Okay, come on.
我不可能就这么完蛋了 This can’t really be the way I go out.
这就是超级天才版本的 This is the mega-genius equivalent
死在马桶上 of dying on the toilet.
太热了 So hot.
我就要这么死了 This is how I’m gonna die.
老天啊 水分 Oh, God, moisture.
我的天啊 水分 悠着点儿 老天爷 Oh, God, the moisture. Dial it back, God.
太过了 回去点儿 Dial it back a little bit here!
呃 哦 Oh! Oh.
我的天啊 Oh, God!
悬崖 悬崖来了 Perpendicular, perpendicular!
我靠靠靠 Oh, shit!
啊 啊 Oh! Oh!
啊 Oh!
来啊 这就对了 Come on. That’s it.
来喝口美味的盐水 Come get this delicious brine.
啊呀 Aah!
来啊 来啊 操你妈的 [Muffled ] Come on! Come on, motherfucker!
来啊 Come on!
太好了 Yes!
这怎么能算家庭心理咨询呢 How is this even family therapy
没叫上爸爸 外公又不来 if Dad’s not invited and Grandpa won’t come?
吃个热狗又有什么勇不勇敢的 Yeah, and what’s courageous about eating a hot dog?
没人想来这儿 逼崽子们 It’s nobody’s choice to be here, you knobs.
是你们的校长要求我们一家来做心理咨询 The family was told to get counseling by your principal,
虽然不是整家人都 even though it’s not the family that was
在美术教室里吸陶釉 huffing pottery glaze in the art room
或者在历史课上尿了一桌子 and desk wetting in history class.
噢 Smith—家 -[ Door opens] -Oh, the Smith family,
少了个爸爸 minus a dad.
你们也是王医生的病人吗 You’re patients of Dr. Wong, too?
暂时而已 这是学校的要求 Temporarily -- by order of the school.
我也是 你们吃了多久的大便了 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?
我们 从来没 We.. .have never.. .
吃过大便 eaten poop.
呃 我也没有 Uh, me, neither.
咦 我的家人都到哪儿去了 Say, where did my family get off to? [Chuckles]
Smith一家 我是王医生 Smith family, I’m Dr. Wong.
进来吧 Come on in.
我听说还有个外公也会来加入我们 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
他在忙一个实验 抽不开身 He got wrapped up in an experiment.
他是个科学家 He’s a scientist.
正经科学家 跨星系 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic,
科幻小说的那种水平 他的工作非常 sci-fi level. His work is very--
他把他自己变成了一根腌黄瓜 He turned himself into a pickle.
Morty 你妈还在讲话 对不起 Morty, Mom’s talking. I’m sorry.
我想这对于我们谈及家庭纪律问题 I suppose that’s a good segue
是个很好的过渡 into our little discipline cases here.
外公会经常把自己变成腌黄瓜吗 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
什么 不会 这问的都什么问题 What?! No! What kind of question is that?
问出来绝对不是用来攻击或伤害你的问题 The kind that wasn’t designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
噢天哪 又来了 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these.
不 我爸从来没把自己变成腌黄瓜过 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before.
他难以预料而且比较古怪 He’s unpredictable and eccentric.
我们全家都是这样 说到这个 The whole family is. Speaking of which...
好吧 那全家都来聊聊 Okay, let’s open things up to the whole family,
容我问问这个问题 and let me ask this.
你们觉得外公为什么要把自己变成一根腌黄瓜 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?
哇哦 恶 Wow. Ugh!
听着 我知道这是你的地盘 不是我的 Hey, listen, I know this is your world, not mine.
我尽快离开 就能尽快回去 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back
大泡拉屎 你也能继续吃屎维生了 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them.
你真是只卖力的老鼠 You are one driven rat.
你能再卖力一点吗 Could you be a little more driven?
往右来点 To the right.
好好好 Yes, yes, yes!
快快快 新鲜新鲜新鲜的 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh!
哇哦哦哦 这是你们的朋友吗 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend?
别操心 他做着他钟爱的事死掉的 做一只蠢老鼠 Don’t worry, he died doing what he loved,being a dumb fucking rat.
好耶 Oh, yeah!
啊啊 Aaaah!
我不是说我爸是完美的 I didn’t say my father is perfect,
我是说他做的事很重要 I said his work is important.
她所谓重要的事是 And she’s saying what’s important is
外公因为不想来而撒了谎 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
噢 他才没 Oh, he did not!
我们来做个实验 Let’s do an experiment here.
我想你们家重视科学 I get the impression this family values science.
如果你确信你知道 So raise your hand if you feel certain
注射器里是什么 请举手 you know what was in the syringe.
如果你确信你知道 Raise your hand if you know for certain
注射器里没有抗腌黄瓜血清 请举手 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum.
Beth 你的手刚刚动了一下 Beth, your hand did a little thing there.
你真的看不出这是怎么回事吗 Do you really not see what’s happening here?
- 你讲 - 王医生 -Tell me. -Well, Dr. Wong --
顺带说下 这名字种族歧视 by the way, racist name --
很明显 Morty和Summer在利用 obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your
你这莫名其妙执着于腌黄瓜这点 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run
来避开本来是他们的心理治疗 around what was supposed to be their therapy.
噢 我觉得这个腌黄瓜的事 Oh, I think this pickle incident
比其他问题都更接近 is a better path than any other
你们家庭失调的核心 to the heart of your family’s dysfunction.
我认为有可能你和你父亲的关系 I think it’s possible that you and your father
被一种非常特别的心理动力驱动着 have a very specific dynamic.
我认为这种动力 I don’t think it’s one
不鼓励表达情感和脆弱 that rewards emotion or vulnerability.
表达这些可能会受到惩罚 I think it may punish them.
我觉得它可能损害了你的婚姻 I think it’s possible that dynamic eroded your marriage
而且影响了你的孩子们 他们倾向于 and is infecting your kids with a tendency
把他们的情感发泄在别处 to misdirect their feelings.
滚你丫的 Fuck you.
- 妈 - 妈 -Mom! -Mom!
你俩也滚丫的 Fuck both of you, too.
另外 你可能也注意到了 By the way, you might notice that in spite of
虽然你有诸多显眼的特点 your numerous distinctive features
但我可没管你叫刀疤脸 条纹鼠 或者哥利亚这样的名字 [growls] I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath.
因为对我而言 你一点都不特别 That’s because, to me, you aren’t special.
对这帮老鼠而言你很特别 但它们都死了 You were special to rats. Now they’re dead.
我猜你本更应该来讨好我的 I guess it was me you should have impressed.
靠 我太爱自己了 God damn it, I love myself.
腌黄瓜Rick Pickle Rick!
跑酷搞定 搞定 Get that parkour. Get that parkour!
嘿 淡定 我只是想找到最近的出口而已 -[ All gasp ]-Hey, it’s cool.Just need to find the nearest exit.
哇哇哇 别慌啊你们 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.
这他妈到底是谁家的厕所啊 Who in the fuck’s toilet is this?
那是个什么东西 What is it?
一根腌黄瓜 一只老鼠 二者皆是 [Russian accent] A pickle? A rat? Both.
它说它是个科学家 [Russian accent] It says it’s a scientist.
它在哪 Where is it?
它好像在用通风道 It seems to be using the air ducts
跟邮件管道到处乱窜 and the mail tubes to get around.
我们认为它正在收集办公用品 It’s been gathering office supplies, we think,
来造武器 to build weaponry.
不过看看它在办公楼夹层干了什么好事 But look what it did on the mezzanine.
它把一个瓶子从不可回收桶扔到了可回收桶里 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin.
不管这东西是啥 它都在羞辱我们 Whatever this thing is, it’s shaming us.
我们有三十四个全副武装的警卫 但是却杀不死一个腌黄瓜 We have 34 armed guards, and we can’t kill a pickle?
三十二个全副武装的警卫 32 armed guards.
他杀了两个 He killed two.
它打电话过来了 It’s on the phone.
接起来 然后对他的电话进行定位 Put him on, and locate the phone he’s using.
喂 -[ Phone beeps] -Hello.
嗨 你能不能 呃 麻烦让我出去 Hi, urn, can you, uh [belches] please let me out?
你光是出现在这栋建筑里 Your mere presence in this building
就已经违反国际法了 violates international law.
即使你没有杀那两个人我也不能让你离开 I couldn’t let you out even if you hadn’t killed two men.
那两人算是自杀 You should know those men killed themselves.
怎么讲 PAVEL: And how is that?
他们不让我离开 They didn’t [belches] let me out.
Solen'ya Solen ‘ya.
闭嘴 好好做你的事 他妈的小屁孩 Shut your mouth and do your jobs,you fucking children!
呃 现在是不太方便说话吗还是 Uh, is this not a good time or...
我的一些手下叫你"Solen'ya" Some of my men are calling you “Solen’ya” --
意思是腌黄瓜人 一个愚蠢的传说 the Pickle Man, an old wives’ tale.
他会从冷掉的汤里爬出来 He crawls from bowls of cold soup
去偷浪费东西的小孩的梦 to steal the dreams of wasteful children.
要真是那样你可是走运了 That'd be a lucky break for you.
行动 直接射杀 Go, shoot to kill.
我们把他拿下了 [Russian accent] We got him.
因为本腌黄瓜 Because this pickle
根本不在乎你的孩子们 doesn’t care about your children.
而且我让他们失去的不是梦 And I’m not gonna take their dreams.
是他们的父母 I’m gonna take their parents.
Solen'ya 他来了 Solen ‘ya! He’s coming!
都是因为我把我吃了一半的三明治扔了 It’s because I threw halfway my sandwich!
他就是一根腌黄瓜 He’s just a pickle!
他是个怪物 He’s a monster.
他不是唯一的一个 He’s not the only one.
你可以待在这 不问世事直到死在这个房间里 You can stay dead to the world and die in this room.
或者为我杀掉一根腌黄瓜来重获自由 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom.
只要你的领袖还有一口气在 就没有自由可言 There is no freedom while your leader breathes.
我们的国家就是一座监狱 Our country is a prison.
那么Catarina就是个囚犯 Then Catarina is a prisoner.
也许我也能安排她逃走 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well.
她还活着 Jaguar She lives, Jaguar.
那根腌黄瓜在哪 Where is this pickle?
你认为注射器里是什么 Beth What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?
你是那个每小时收两百美元的人 你来告诉我 You’re the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me.
- 抗腌黄瓜血清 - 是抗腌黄瓜血清 -Anti-pickle serum. -It’s anti-pickle serum.
你的孩子们认为可能是抗腌黄瓜血清 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum.
我的孩子尿在书桌上 吸没烧过的花瓶 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases.
他们只是气我和他们的父亲离婚 They’re just angry at me for divorcing their father.
我从没说过我生你的气 I never said I was angry at you.
所以你才会吸珐琅 Summer That’s the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer.
你这样做是为了不用把 You do it so you don’t have to say,
"我生你的气 妈妈"大声说出来 “I’m angry at Mommy,” out loud.
哦 我的天啊 哦 这 Oh, my God! Oh, there --
里面有人吃屎的照片 there’s pictures of people eating poop in there!
表明立场或者做出批判并不是我的工作 It’s not my job to take sides or pass judgment.
你认为当你的父亲向你要注射器的时候 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe,
- 你可以问他 - 他没必要问我要 好吗 - you could ask him. - He won’t have to ask for it, okay?
他不需要 He won’t need it.
他只用再造就好了 He’ll just make more.
他不需要问任何人要任何东西 He doesn’t need anything from anyone.
你很崇拜他这一点 You admire him for that.
这总比把你自己的问题 It’s better than making your problems
变成别人的问题要好 other people’s problems.
噢 该死 Oh, come on! [Grunts]
腌黄瓜人 你应该知道这不是私人恩怨 Pickle Man, you should know this isn’t personal!
你也应该知道这句话多没新意 You should know that isn’t original.
他们抓走了我的女儿 They have my daughter.
为了再次见到她我愿意做任何事 There’s nothing I won’t do to see her again.
好吧 为了见我女儿很多事我不会做 Yeah, there’s lots I wouldn’t do to see my daughter,
但是杀死你能让我快些见到她 but killing you gets me to her quicker
而不是听你毫无创意的屁话 than your derivative bulishit.
我不说屁话 腌黄瓜人 I never bulishit, Pickle Man.
只有我们中的一个死了才能有个了结 This can only end with one of us dead,
而我从没死过 and I have never died.
那你就要死在这上面了 Jaguar That will be your downfall, Jaguar,
不愿接受新的经历 not being open to new experiences.
搞定了吗 Is it done?
Jaguar Jaguar?!
Jaguar失败了 Jaguar couldn’t make it.
动手吧 PAVEL: Do it.
你赢了 腌黄瓜人 Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
我现在就把这幢楼解封 I’m unsealing the building.
不用了 谢谢 我来找你了 No, thanks. I’m coming for you now.
腌黄瓜人 二楼的保险箱里 Pickle Man, there’s $100 million worth of bonds
有价值一亿美元的债券 in a safe on level two.
我把密码告诉你 Ill give you the combination.
那些钱属于人民 That money belongs to the people.
闭嘴蠢货 给我叫直升机 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick!
成交吗 Do we have a deal?!
把那钱给Jaguar的女儿 Take that money, give it to Jaguar’s daughter
把她放了 when you set her free.
否则我不会放过你 Or I’ll be visiting you.
Jaguar的女儿已经死了 PAVEL: Jaguar’s daughter is dead.
所以你是骗子 Huh, so you’re a liar.
Jaguar是头野兽 PAVEL: Jaguar was an animal.
而你是根聪明的腌黄瓜 You’re an intelligent pickle.
我们两个能谈生意 We can do business.
我看不行 一会儿见 I don’t think so. See you soon.
- 直升机到了吗 - 到了 -Is the helicopter here? -Yes.
警察也在路上了 And the police are on the way.
要怎么跟他们说 What do we tell them?
啊啊啊 -Ooh! -Aah!
跟他们说我们被抢了 Tell them we were robbed.
嘿 你在干什么呢 Hey! Hey, what are you doing?!
我在这儿 I’m right here!
永别了 Solen'ya Farewell, Solen’ya.
F-15战斗机出动了 F-15s are scrambled.
这架直升机七分钟之内会被击毁 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes.
嗯 我五分钟后能见到我女儿 Well, my daughter is about five away,
我还有八分钟可以活 and I’ve got about eight to live.
腌黄瓜人 我已经来不及和女儿说 Pickle Man, it’s too late for me to tell my daughter
我爱她了 但你可以 I love her, but not for you.
哦 没事 她知道的 Oh, well, uh, she knows.
我们不相信那种废话 I mean, we don’t really buy into that kind of crap.
如果爱是表达慢慢建立的熟悉感 To the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time,
那向我敞开的无尽的时间线 my access to infinite timelines
使得建立情感依赖根本没有必要 precludes the necessity of attachment.
我甚至在某个地球上 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters
抛弃了我无数多女儿中的一个 in an alternate version of earth
因为那个地球全是变异体 that was taken over by mutants.
好吧 祝你好运 Okay. Good luck with that.
等等 我有没有无数多个女儿 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters?
没有 不好意思 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that.
只有我有 Nope, just me.
妈呀 Yeesh!
我 I
担 am...
心 afraid...
我的孩子们会被开除 that my kids will get expelled.
很好 Summer 轮到你 Good. Summer, you go.
我很不爽 I am mad...
大家都觉得我吸珐琅 that I can’t huff enamel
是因为我的家庭有问题 without people assuming it’s because my family sucks.
我希望有一天 在大家眼中 I hope to be seen one day
我只是个单纯喜欢嗨的人 as someone that just likes getting high.
很好 Good job.
Morty 你要来说说"我"的宣言吗 Morty, do you have an “I” statement?
我为 I am sad...
尿尿难过 that I peed.
我为我在课堂上而不是在厕所里尿尿感到难过 I’m sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.
瞧瞧这一家子 你们真棒 Look at this family go. You guys are pros.
你们觉得每周进行一次心理咨询怎么样 What do you guys think about doing this once a week?
呃 Ugh..
- 想必你就是Rick - 没错 -You must be Rick. -Mm-hmm.
我今天听了很多关于你的事 I’ve heard a lot about you today.
你的家人都对你很上心 Your family is crazy about you.
你对于你女儿来说很重要 Your daughter holds you in very high regard.
你真是个幸运的人 You’re a lucky fella.
是啊 谢谢 Yeah, thank you.
呃 亲爱的 Uh, sweetie,
你包里不会碰巧还装着那个注射器吧 you don’t still happen to have that syringe in your purse?
爸 Dad...
我希望你能告诉我注射器里是什么 I would like you to tell me what’s in the syringe.
一种我 呃 赖以存活的血清 It's a serum that I need to, uh -- to stay alive.
我今天诸事不顺 I have had a rough day.
而且 呃 我还身负重伤 And, uh, I’ve sustained a lot of damage.
我濒临死亡 这管血清能救活我 I’m pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent.
通过让你从腌黄瓜变回人类 By changing you from a pickle to a human.
是的 Yes.
Rick 你为什么要骗你女儿呢 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter?
这样我就不用来这儿 So I wouldn’t have to come here.
你为什么不愿意来这儿呢 Why didn’t you want to come here?
因为我看不起心理咨询 因为我是个科学家 Because I don’t respect therapy, because I’m a scientist.
因为我以发明 改造 创造 和毁灭为生 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy
只要我不喜欢这个世界的某些部分 for a living, and when I don’t like something
我就去改变它 about the world, I change it.
我并不认为 到一个商业街里租来的办公室来 And I don’t think going to a rented office in a strip mall
听一个典型的平庸之辈 to listen to some agent of averageness
给我解释哪个词表达哪种感受 explain which words mean which feelings
可以解决问题 has ever helped anyone do anything.
我觉得这能让很多人安心 I think it’s helped a lot of people get comfortable
并且不再恐慌 这是一种 and sTop panicking, which is a state of mind
待宰动物才需要的心态 [burps] we value in the animals we eat
这不是我想要的 but not something I want for myself.
我又不是头牛 I’m not a cow.
我是个腌黄瓜 只要我愿意我就是 I’m a pickle -- when I feel like it.
所以 这就是你要的答案 So...you asked.
Rick 你无可置疑的智识 Rick, the only connection between
与破坏你家庭的疾病之间的唯一联系 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness
就是你家庭中的所有人 destroying your family is that everyone in your family,
包括你 都用智识证明这种病态是合理的 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.
你似乎时而认为你的心智 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind
是一种无法阻挡的力量 又认为它是一种无法避免的诅咒 as an unsToppable force and as an inescapable curse.
我觉得那是因为 对你而言 And I think it’s because the only
唯一真正难以理解的概念 truly unapproachable concept for you
是掌控自己的心智 is that it’s your mind within your control.
你选择来到这里 You chose to come here.
你也选择用谈话来贬低我的职业 You chose to talk, to belittle my vocation,
—如你选择成为一个腌黄瓜 just as you chose to become a pickle.
你是你自己宇宙中的主宰 You are the master of your universe,
可你却浑身滴着老鼠血和排泄物 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces,
你强大的心智因你自己像真正的植物一样无力 your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.
我一点不怀疑你会无意识地对心理咨询感到厌烦 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless
如同我在刷牙和擦屁股时 by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth
感到厌烦一样 and wipe my ass.
因为修补 Because the thing about repairing,
维持和清理这些事都不是冒险 maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure.
做这些事就算犯再大的错也不至死 There’s no way to do it so wrong, you might die.
只是工作罢了 It’s just work.
而结果是 And the bottom line is,
有些人觉得去工作挺好 而有些人 some people are okay going to work, and some people...
有些人宁愿去死 well, some people would rather die.
我们每个人都可以选择 Each of us gets to choose.
时间到了 -[ Watch beeps] -That’s our time.
我会给你们我的名片 I’m going to give you guys my card
期待你们的消息 and hope to hear from you again.
如果你们有任何吃大便的朋友亲戚 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop
且想要停止的话 给他们我的号码 and would like to sTop, give them my number.
我 I, um...
不好意思为了脱身我撒谎了 I’m sorry I lied to get out of the thing.
我 我不该对你撒谎的 -I -- I shouldn’t lie to you.
没事的 Oh, it’s fine.
谢谢 不过没错 你不该撒谎 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn’t.
但我希望你明白这次咨询 But I hope you know that’s not what
本不该是这样的 that session was supposed to be.
不不 我知道是有关Morty尿裤子 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants
Summer吸胶还是什么事的 and Summer snorting glue or whatever...
她吸了珐琅 我们竟然从来没谈过这事 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it.
还有那么多要紧事呢 RICK: Well, there was so much more at stake.
那心理医生 真能说 RICK: I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist.
我们以后还会去吗 Are we gonna go back?
宝贝 能给我那个注射器了吗 Sweetie, could I get -- get that syringe now?
天啊 当然能了爸 它在我包里 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it’s in my purse.
真不好意思 你一定很痛苦 Oh, I’m sorry. You must be in agony.
哎 Eh.
天啊 Jesus.
老天啊 这些个心理咨询师 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man.
怪胎一堆 Weird breed.
我真怀念有手臂 Man, I missed having hands...
有血还有胃 and blood and a stomach.
我们应该喝一杯 We should get a drink.
真的吗 找个地方喝一杯 Really? Like, go somewhere?
对 把孩子们送下车 去喝个酩酊大醉 Yeah, let’s drop the kids off and go tie one on.
妥妥的 Absolutely.
我 我挺喜欢她的 I-I liked her.
那你怎么想 去斯莫奇酒馆 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey’s Tavern?
或者肖尼斯 Maybe Shoney’s?
哪个都行 哪个都行 Yeah, either one. Either one.
你不可能逍遥法外的 协奏怪人 RICK: You’ll never get away with this, Concerto.
这就是你所犯的错了 Sanchez先生 That is where you’re mistaken, Mr. Sanchez.
这将是我有史以来最精彩的演出 This shall be my greatest performance of all time!
完了 Morty 我们死定了 RICK: This is it, Morty. We’re goners.
这次我们逃不掉了 We’re not getting out of this one.
我们一起经历了那么多 After everything we’ve been through,
我们就要这么死掉了 this is how we’re gonna die.
向神祈求安息吧 Make peace with your god.
天啊 Rick 我我我不想死 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don’t want to die!
现在 最后一砸 And now for the E-splat!
Jaguar Jaguar!
谁 那是谁啊 Rick Who -- Who was that, Rick?
那就是为什么别去心理咨询 That, Morty, is why you don’t go to therapy.