翻译: 小萌 咣当 遥望
Cynthia... Cynthia
校对: 阿朽 史努比
噢 天哪 不要啊 Oh, My God. No. No.
- 都跟你说了 - 等等 - I told you. - Hold on.
你能不能 Will you please...
后期: 小萌
不要嫁给我 我选Veronica Not marry me? I chose Veronica
- 搞什么 - 太好了 - 淡定 - What?! - Yes! - Hold it.
他干嘛选Veronica Why would he chose Veronica?
压制: 凯撒
因为他爱她 Because he loves her?
不知道这么说能不能让你好受点 Summer Well, if it's any consolation, Summer,
你管他为啥呢 这节目就是个渣 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid.
好啊 Rick 不如这样 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
你来让我们看看什么节目好看 You show us your concept of good TV
我们来吐槽 and we'll crap all over that.
就等着你问呢 Thought you'd never ask.
嘿 Hey!
噢 酷 Oh, cool.
这是晶化Xanthanite吧 Is that Crystallized Xanthanite?
它可以在次元之间传导电子 It conducts electrons across dimensions.
你又只说对了20% Morty 20% accurate as usual, Morty.
重点是 The important thing being,
我升级了我们的有线电视套餐 I just upgraded our cable package with
它现在能收到所有可能的平行现实的电视节目 programing from every conceivable reality.
那我们是不是能收到Showtime Extreme了 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme?
Showtime Extreme 收费电台Showtime下设频道 主要播放动作 惊悚 警匪类的电影和体育赛事
玉米人世界的Showtime Extreme如何 How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from corn?
我们没什么不同 We're not so different.
我们都是行动派玉米 We're both corn of action.
对 但我们其中一个是死玉米 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn!
无聊 Boring.
Summer 你刚花了三个月 Summer, you just spent three months
看一个男人怎么选假老婆 Watching a man chose a fake wife.
那又怎样 变成玉米人就好看了 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn?
Jerry 你没明白 Jerry, you don't get it.
这是来自无限宇宙的无限电视节目 This is infinite TV from infinite universes.
瞧瞧 Look.
这屎真好吃 This shit is delicious.
一部关于吃屎的电影 A movie about a guy eating shit.
暴力古董秀 A violent antique show.
很荣幸能邀请到你 It's a pleasure to have you.
荣幸的是我 The pleasure's all mine.
某时空里出名的Jerry出现在"Letterman"节目中 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous.
David Letterman 美国著名脱口秀节目主持人
- 等一下 - 搞什么 - Wait! - What in the hell?
我同意 这是要闹哪样 I agree. Where is this going?
不 不是这个 换回去 No, the other thing! Go back.
真的假的 好吧 Really? All right, fine.
Glen 这是法院命令 Glen, this is a court order.
你以后都不许吃屎了 It says you can't eat shit any more.
好吧 Jerry All right, Jerry.
难得你说对一回嘛 When you're right, you're right.
这电影确实好看 Now I'm hooked.
瑞克与莫蒂
电波诚译
第一季 第八集
接下来是"屎木的屎木拉" Coming up next on "Shmloo's the shmloss,"
屎木尼做了个噩梦 Shmlony has a nightmare.
屎木曼莎 屎木娜 Shamlantha! Shmlona!
真神奇 Amazing
这个次元所有的专有名词开头都是"屎木" A dimension where all proper nouns begin with "Shmla."
屎木拉 屎木安吉拉 Shmla Shmalangela?
屎木纳森 Shmlonathan?
好吧 一下子就看烦了 All right, that actually got old pretty quick.
Rick 你能不能调回去接着看我上"David Letterman" Rick, will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"?
无限的电视台有点多啊 Jerry Infinity's big number, Jerry.
我记不清是哪个台了 I don't remember the channel.
噢 刚才那个台 往回调 Ah! Go back! Go back!
天啊 Geez.
你说的是真真 You speak the true-true.
天啊 老爸 你出演了《云图》 Oh, my god. Dad"s in "Cloud Atlas"!
Cloud Atlas 《云图》 12年美国电影
我出演了《云图》 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"!
《云图》是啥 What's "Cloud Atlas"?
有时候小真真 Sometimes, small true-true
不同于大真真 Different than the big true-true.
这怎么可能 How is this possible?
无限种时空就会有无限种可能 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities,
自然会有某个时空Jerry是电影明星 Including a timeline where jerry's a movie star.
你们简直瞎激动 Look, you guys are getting excited about
完全不明白这个装置意义何在 the wrong aspect to this device.
看这个 Wha-look at this.
新一集"快快悬疑案" And now, another quick mystery.
我只想知道 是谁能干出这种事 I just want to know who could have done something like this.
简直是人性的扭曲 It's a travesty.
是我干的 I did.
这是一把带血的刀 See this knife and all the blood on it?
这是我的指纹 Here's my fingerprints.
有罪 判处你无期徒刑 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison.
下一个"快速悬疑案" Here's another quick mystery.
我母亲死了 My mother's dead.
我杀了她 And I killed her.
这是凶器 请把我铐起来 谢谢 Here's the weapon, and cuff me. Thank you very much.
有罪 杀人偿命 Guilty. Sentenced to murder.
- 下一个 - 我是凶手 - Here's another. - I'm the killer.
噢 还真是够快的 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it?
谁现在想看 Now, who wants to watch random,
不同次元随机的奇葩电视节目 crazy TV shows from different dimensions,
哪些自恋狂想看 and, and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about
另一次元的自己 their alternate selves?
我想看自己 I want to obsess about myself.
这个装置能通过扫描视网膜 Here, these scan your retinas and let you
让你亲眼看到另一个 view parallel timelines through genetically
平行宇宙的自己看到的东西 matching versions of your eyes.
去捡吧 Go fetch.
- 太酷了 - 女士优先 - This is so cool. - Ladies first.
Morty 我为你骄傲 I'm proud of you, Morty.
我才不关心我自己呢 Hey, man. I don't give a crap about myself, Rick
咱快看些猎奇的东西吧 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo.
我是"满眼蚂蚁"Johnson I'm ants in my eyes Johnson,
这里是"满眼蚂蚁"Johnson电器城 Here at ants in my eyes Johnson's electronics.
我的眼睛上有好多蚂蚁啊 I mean, there's many ants in my eyes.
这里有好多电视机 And there's so many TVs,
微波炉 收音机 应该吧 microwaves, radios, I think.
我不 我不能百分百确定 I can't -- I'm not 100% sure
这里都有什么 what we have here in stock
因为我啥也看不见 Because I can't see any thing.
我只希望我们的价格不要太低 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low.
瞧瞧这个冰箱 Check out this refrigerator,
烘干机
仅售两百块 Only $200.
再瞧瞧这个微波炉 What about this microwave?
免费
只要一百块 物美价廉 Only $100. That's fair.
我是"满眼蚂蚁"Johnson I'm ants in my eyes Johnson.
我的眼前漆黑一片 Everything's black.
什么都看不见 I can't see a thing.
而且我什么都感觉不到 And also, I can't feel anything, either.
我有提到过没 Did I mention that?
但这点不像我满眼蚂蚁这点那么引人注目 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes,
这样走在街边上总是怪怪的 so that always goes... you know, off by the wayside.
我没有知觉 这种病很罕见的 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease.
我所有的神经 All my, all my nerves,
都没有触觉 They don't allow for the sensation of touch,
我从来都不知道发生了啥 So I never know what's going on.
我这是站着呢 坐着呢 不知道啊 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know.
我们真的要做这事儿吗 Are we sure we want to do this?
看看自己的另一种人生 Look at our own alternate lives?
对啊 咱们还是玩快艇骰子好了 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee.
快给我 Give me those.
看到什么了 What do you see?
白色 Whiteness
纯白色 pure whiteness.
你是我最好的朋友 Jerry Smith You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
我喜欢和你一起吸可卡因 I love doing cocaine with you.
哇 我也喜欢和你一起吸可卡因 约翰尼迪普 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you too, johnny Depp.
你还没看够吗 Haven't we spent enough time on you?
我正在做手术 但是 I'm performing surgery…but not
不是给马 是给人做 On a horse - on a human.
太好了 Beth That's great, Beth.
你一直想当个真正的外科医生 You always wanted to be a real surgeon.
我就是真正的外科医生 I am a real surgeon.
呃 到你了 Summer Um... Summer's turn.
终于到我了 Finally.
什么都看不到 I don't see anything.
你换一个时空试试 Well, you should select different timeline.
如果这个世界里我和你爸爸都实现了自己的梦 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams,
那就说明你有可能根本就没有出生 There's a chance you aren't even born.
我说出来就后悔了 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong.
很好 Fine.
我换一个你们不嫌我多余的时空 I'll find a world where you bothered to have me.
我们在玩快艇骰子 We're playing Yahtzee.
快艇骰子好 我们都爱玩快艇骰子 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahzee.
好家庭玩好游戏 It's a fun game for fun families.
嗨 把眼镜再给我玩会儿 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second?
这台车具有功率为45马力的引擎和防抱死刹车系统 It's a 45 horsepower with antilock brakes,
并且是"喷嚏先生3D版"的官方用车 And it's the official car of "Mr. Sneezy 3D".
它是全新的喷嚏第40代产品 It's the brand new sneezy XL.
当你按下喇叭的时候 The horn, when you honk it,
会发出打喷嚏的声音 Makes a sneeze noise.
它文雅 恰到好处 It's polite, it's right,
它很喷嚏 很华丽 Mc 奢华(似乎是押韵接不下去了) and it's sneezy, dezzy, Mc…deluxe.
我是喷嚏先生 I'm Mr. Sneezy.
貌似其他次元的电视感觉稍微随意一点 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions has a somewhat looser feel to it.
没错 这几乎是即兴表演的口气 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone.
各院线正在热播的电影 It's in theaters now.
今夏即将上映 Coming this summer.
货车中的两兄弟 Two brothers in a van,
遭遇流星撞击 and then a meteor hits.
于是他们拼命想要摆脱 And they ran as fast as they could
巨猫怪的威胁 from giant cat monsters.
然后巨型龙卷风侵袭 And then a giant tornado came.
就在这时 事态发展到了十二档 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear.
一个墨西哥舰队出现了 A Mexican armada shows up,
装备着番 番茄制成的武器 With weapons made from t-tomatoes.
你最好赌上全部家当 And you better bet your bottom dollar
相信两兄弟有办法应对这 that these two brothers know how to handle business in
"外星人入侵番茄怪兽墨西哥舰队 "alien invasion tomato monster Mexican armada brothers,"
驾货车躲避流星和各种东西的普通兄弟 大电影" "who are just regular brothers, running in a van from an asteroid and all sort of things: The movie."
等等 还不止这些 Hold on. There's more.
一些老女人也将要在电影中现身 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie.
他们将交叉进攻这两兄弟 And they're gonna come and cross attack these two brothers.
但让我们回到两兄弟 But let's get back to the brothers,
因为他们是 他们兄弟齐心 because they're...they have a strong bond.
你现在还不想知道 You don't want to know about it here,
但我要告诉你一件事 but I'll tell you one thing.
月亮 它撞向了地球 The moon. It comes crashing into earth.
如果是你你要怎么办 And what do you do then?
这就是两兄弟 而且他们将要 It's two brothers and-and they're gonna...
这部电影叫做"两兄弟" it's called "two brothers".
"两兄弟" "two brothers"
就叫"两兄弟" It's just called "two brothers."
妈呀 Holy crap.
我得诺贝尔奖了 I am winning a Nobel Prize.
好了 时间到了 Come on. Time's up.
我在驯狮子 I'm taming a lion.
不 等等 No, wait.
有摄像机 There are film cameras.
我可能是在电影里演个驯狮员 I might be a lion tamer in a movie.
懂我意思就行了 我和狮子一起工作 You get the idea. I work with lions.
我们没在玩快艇骰子 Ohh, we're not playing yahtzee.
我们在玩滑道和梯子 We're playing chutes and ladders.
好像我存在的时候 Seems like when I exist,
生活就变得更 我也不知道 有规律可循了 life gets a little more...I don't know...predictable?
当两个人共同创造了另一个生命的时候 When two people create a life together,
他们就会把以前作为独立个体的生活放在一边 they set aside their previous lives as individuals.
得了吧 Give me a break.
说得这么冠冕堂皇 我们只是毕业舞会晚上没做保护措施上床了 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.
哦 我懂了 Oh, I get it.
因为你知道你本可以过得更好 Now that you know you could have had it better,
所以你愤恨我拖了你的后腿 you resent me for holding you back.
如果你觉得现在我们俩立场互换了 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning,
那就是变相承认 你以前觉得我拖累了你 we know you thought there were unturned tables.
你究竟在说什么 What are you talking about?
这么久以来 你都在想 All this time, you've been thinking,
"如果当初我没有因为Jerry那个屌丝而放弃堕胎会怎么样" "what if that loser, Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?"
- 呃 - 现在你知道了 你会成为一个医生 - Um… - Well, now you know, you'd be a doctor.
你还会在充满奇异禽鸟的房间里自斟自饮 You'd also be drinking wine alone in a house full of exotic birds.
而我将会在迪卡普里奥的游艇上 And I'd be on dicaprio's yacht,
和Kristen Stewart打炮 banging Kristen Stewart.
Kristen Stewart 电影《暮光之城》女主角
你们居然想过堕胎 You thought about getting an abortion?
每个人都想过好么 Everyone thinks about it.
显而易见 这个版本的我没有堕胎 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it,
所以不用谢 so you're welcome.
没错 不谢 Yeah, you're welcome.
真太谢谢你们了 Yeah, thank you guys so much.
我真幸运 It's real treat
能被逼不得已才在一起 to be raised by parents
而不是出于幸福结婚的父母养大 that forced themselves to be together instead of being happy.
嘿 我们还有威化饼干吗 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies?
好吃 Mmm!
哦 天啊 Oh, boy.
看来你们看过了另一种生活方式 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives
然后发现自己过得不够好 是吗 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh?
太悲哀了 That's too bad.
我和Morty玩得可开心了 You know, me and Morty are having a blast.
我们刚刚发现了一个叫"摸蛋人"的节目 We just discovered a show called "Ball fondlers".
我不想哪壶不开提哪壶 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything,
但你们实在是压错宝了 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse.
我简直身在天堂 I'm in heaven right now.
这可能是我这一生中最棒的一天了 This might be the best day of my life.
那我们现在怎么办 So, now what do we do?
那个叫"摸蛋人"的节目听起来挺有意思的 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting.
爸爸 Dad!
怎么了 他们那么开心 What?! They're having fun in there.
你们想让我怎么办 What do you guys want from me?
这条街上的每家人 Every family on this block
都会想知道他们在一起是不是出于自愿 has to wonder if they're together by choice.
但咱们家却有跨次元眼镜 Our family just has interdimensional goggles
来证明我们不是自愿的 to show us for a fact that we're not.
够了 我要离开这个家 Well, I'm leaving.
你不能走 You can't leave.
你才17岁 You're 17.
没错 而且我没有怀孕 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
我做的判断一定会比你们当年的好 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age.
我要搬去西南 然后 I'm gonna move to the southwest and...
我不知道 做点跟绿松石有关的事 I don't know, do something with turquoise.
这里是"周六夜现场" It's "Saturday Night Live"
领衔主演 一块吐司 Starring a piece of toast
两个留八字胡的男人 two guys with handlebar mustaches
一个涂成银色 发出机器人声音的男人 a man painted silver who makes robot noises
嘎玛呐呐 Gar Ma Nar Nar
三个 呃 呃 呃 Three, um, um, um...
我一会儿再说这个 I'll get back to that one,
墙上一个看得一清二楚的洞 a hole in the wall where the man can see it all,
以及 连续第25年回归的 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year,
Bobby Moynihan Bobby Moynihan!
有件有趣的事 Interesting fun fact,
Moynihan和一片吐司互相憎恨 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other.
显然 他们俩有严重的创意分歧 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences.
嘿 你是否厌倦了家中散乱的真门 Hey, are you tired of real doors cluttering up your house,
你打开它们 然后真的到什么地方去 where you open them and you atually go somewhere,
真的走进一间房间里 and you go into another room?
来看看这些货真价实的假门吧 Get on down to real fake doors.
也就是我们 That's us.
整间屋子全都装上 Fill a whole room up with them.
像这样 看啊 See, watch. Check this out.
打不开 打不开 Won't open. Won't open.
这扇打不开 这扇也打不开 Not this one. Not this one.
没有一扇能打开 None of them open.
我们的网站是fakedoors.com 快来看看 Fakedoors.com is our website, so check it out
众多实惠的假门吧 for a lot of really great deals on Fake Do-o-o-ors!
嘿 等等 Rick Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
我以为那是个广告 I thought this was a commercial.
这是怎么回事 What's going on?
放松点 Morty 别担心 Relax, Morty. Dont't-don't worry about it.
我们来看看这是怎么回事 Let's just see where this goes.
赶快啊 Step on it!
我们都有事呢 We all get places to be!
混蛋 Son of a bitch.
那肯定就是他住的地方了 Oh, that must be where he lives.
好吧 Okay.
他在给自己做三明治 He's making himself a sandwich now.
嘿 各位 Hey, everybody.
这是我家 So, this is my house.
刚刚做了个三明治 花生酱加果冻 Just made a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly.
- 还是这里 还是在推销假门 - 什么 - Still here, still selling fake doors. - What?
天哪 这还是那个广告 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial.
我们的假门 你简直都不敢相信 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe.
你还在担心什么呢 What are you worried about?
快来买假门吧 Come get fake doors.
今天就拨打电话订购假门吧 Call us up and order some fake doors today.
别再犹豫 别再担心 也别再 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry, and don't even...
好了 我觉得好无聊 换台吧 All right, I'm bored. Change it.
等等 Rick Wait, wait, Rick.
等一下 等一下 Hold on. Hold on.
...再多想 ...Give it a second thought.
这是我们的口号 That's our slogan.
请看屏幕底部我们的名字下方 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name.
那下面是另一个口号 Here's another slogan right below that one.
你还在担心什么 What are you worried about?
快来买假门吧 Come get fake doors.
进来快 怀抱着假门出去更快 Get in here quick, get out quicker with an arm of fake doors in your arms.
好吧 好吧 你可以换台了 Okay, okay, you can change it.
别担心了 Don't even worry about it.
我讨厌玛姆玛纳姆天 I hate Mamumanums-days,
我要去吃肉馅玉米卷饼了 and I really could go for some enchiladas.
原作中加菲猫讨厌星期一 喜欢吃意大利面
嘿 Rick 这不错啊 Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool.
它好像加菲猫 只不过这是格索尔菲猫 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield.
嘿 格索尔帕索普 那性爱机器人不就是那儿的吗 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where, where those sex robots came from?
还记得那件事吗 Remember that whole thing?
没错 嘿 那真是 真是 你说的对 没错 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty, pretty... that's ture. That's right.
对吧 我们接着看格索尔菲猫吧 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield.
嘿 John 是我 格索尔菲猫 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield.
哇塞 你[哔] John 你[哔]蠢货 白痴 Boy! [Bleep] you, John, you [Bleep] dumb, stupid idiot.
别这样 格索尔菲猫 Come on, Gazorpazorpfield.
对我友善一点好不好 Go easy on me, huh?
你这个呆子 蠢货 不中用的 可怜的 白种的 白种的 You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white,
呃 负罪感 白人负疚感 uh... guilt, white guilt.
White Guilt 一些白人因种族和殖民主义而背负的个人或集体的内疚感 这个词通常带有贬义
一坨软弱的人类垃圾 Milk-toast piece of human garbage.
天哪 格索尔菲猫 这太 你懂的 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's, you know,
你平时我就挺刻薄的 但都没这个刻薄 you're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake.
我[哔]才不管 I don't give a [Bleep].
我[哔]是格索尔菲猫 贱人 I'm Gazorpazorp[Bleep]filed, bitch.
快[哔]把肉馅玉米卷饼给我 Now give me [Bleep] enchiladas.
嘿 Rick 他们找了Bill Murray给这个配音吗 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this?
Bill Murray 美国演员 为2004年电影《加菲猫》以及2006年的续作中的加菲配音
听起来好像Bill Murray啊 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
不 Morty 这是Lorenzo Music No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
Lorenzo Music 1982-1994年间为动画片《加菲猫》配音 在我们的时间线里 他在2001年去世了
在那个世界里他还活着 In this reality, he's still alive.
好吧 他是叫"Lorenzo Music"吗 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"?
没错 我很确定 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
他也给"捉鬼敢死队"里那人配过音 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters",
Lorenzo Music配音的是动画《The Real Ghostbusters》(1986-1991) Bill Murray出演的是电影(1984)
挺奇怪的 which is really strange
因为Bill Murray在电影里扮演的就是那个角色 because it's the same character Bill Murray played in the movie.
后来他们给加菲猫拍电影的时候 But then, when they made the movie,
Bill Murray又给格索尔菲猫 我是说加菲猫 配的音 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp- or Garfield, I mean.
真有意思 Rick Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick.
那这些事也有在那个平行世界里发生吗 So all that happened in this reality, too?
我哪知道 I don't know.
只是和你闲聊而已 Morty Just making conversation with you, Morty.
怎么 你觉得我我我什么都知道吗 What, you think I'm a- I'm- I know everything about everything?
你真的说服了我放弃堕胎吗 Did you really talk me out of the abortion?
我们 我们在去诊所的路上轮胎爆了 Well, we- we blew a tire on the way to the clinic.
我以为 在我的脑海里 I think, in my head,
我的坚持都是为了孩子 I was doing it all for the kids.
而现在大女儿却要去捣腾绿松石了 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise.
那不是冰毒的代号就是啥搞冰毒的办法 Which is either code for crystal meth or a gateway to it.
所以我们根本没为孩子做什么 So we didn't do the kids any favors.
所以我们还在一起是为了对方 不然 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves or...
不然 Or...
男人 女人 现在又来了象鼻人 Man, woman, and now trunkman?
我们知道科学已经创造出了有象鼻的人 We know science has created men that have a trunk
重现场景 但绝对真实
使他们和男性与女性伴侣都可以发生性行为 that allows them to have sex with both male and female parteners.
但我们不希望这些人结婚 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married.
坚持底线吧 各位 Put a line in the sand, everybody.
为XW2提案投上反对的一票 Vote "no" on proposition XW2
就是提出象鼻人可以结婚的那个 The act that says trunkpeople can get married.
谁需要呢 Who needs it?
反正我不需要 Not on my watch.
由Michael Denny及Denny合唱团赞助播出 Paid for by Michael Denny and the Denny Singers.
大家好 Hi.
我是一个象鼻人 我想要 I'm a trunkperson and I want,
我也像你们一样能感受到内心的爱 I feel love in my heart, too, just like you.
我希望能同时向一个男人和一个女人表达这份爱 I want to be able to express that love with both a man and a woman.
但如果Denny和Denny合唱团得逞的话 我就没法这样了 And I won't be able to, if Denny and the Denny Singers get their way.
嘿 就让象鼻人做爱结婚吧 听到没 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh?
由象鼻人赞助播出 Paid for by turnkpeople.
哦 人家爱死草莓小片片了 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles.
哦 我希望没人会对我下手 Ohh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me
然后偷走我的草莓小豆豆 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles.
我要把它们都吃得干干净净 因为 I'm gonna eat every last one of them, because
这样它们就都在我肚子里了 and then they'll be in my stomach,
谁也别想吃它们 and nobody will ever be able to eat them.
除了我自己 因为它们都要被我吃进肚子里啦 Except for me, because they're gonna be all inside my stomach.
我的名字是大礼帽琼斯先生 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones,
任何人拿走我的小颗粒粒都是天理不容 and God forbid any one ever take my sner- little-people snibbles.
我都要留着自己吃 I'm keeping them all for me.
最后一口 Last bite.
现在它们都舒舒服服地待在我的肚子里啦 Oh now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach.
哦 感觉真是太棒了 Ooh, am I feeling good.
不 走开 No! Get away from me!
离我远点 Get away from me!
已经没有草莓小粒粒了 不 There's no more strawberry snibbles, no!
上帝啊 上帝啊 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!
好痛啊 It hurts!
我的内脏都露出来了 My entrails are out!
都这样了你们为啥还想吃 Why would you even want to eat these?
都泡在我的胃酸里了 They're soaked with my stomach acid.
哦 上帝 主啊 救世主 Oh, Jesus Christ, Lord, Savior,
圣灵啊 救救我吧 and Spirit, save me.
带我走向光明吧 Take me to the light.
草莓小粒豆
膳食平衡早餐必备
哦上帝 我看到恶魔了 Oh, my god. I see demons.
我看到恶魔向我走来 I see demons are coming!
天哪 Rick Geez, Rick.
哦上帝 Oh my god.
就麦片广告而言 这也太狠了 That's some pretty hard-core stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial.
Morty你懂的 Well, you know, Morty.
想要卖盒装麦片 I mean, you want to sell boxes of cereal,
你就得加点油 you got to pump the gas a little.
把油门踩到底 Morty Pedal to the metal, Morty.
在肌肉男保姆强势无比的世界 In the world where muscular mannies are coming,
他们来势汹汹 and they're coming strong.
只剩下三个没肌肉的Michaels there's only three unmuscular Michaels.
趴下 快点 跑 Get down, hurry, run.
这时候威猛液来了 And that's when real turbulent juice is coming,
你可得小心了 and you got to take care of it.
有了威猛液 餐桌变威猛 With turbulent juice, turbulent tables,
没有房间能逃过 no room is safe from the
威猛液的威猛之力 turbulent power of turbulent juice
这什么鬼东西 What in the hell?
色情营销 Morty Sex sells, Morty.
营销啥 Sex sells what?
是一部电影吗 还是啥清洁剂 Was that a movie or, like, does clear stuff?
- 老爸 - 天哪 - Hey dad. - God
怎么了 What's going on?
我和你老妈要 Well, your mother and I are gonna be
分开一段时间了 Morty spending some time apart, Morty.
然后你姐姐发现 And your sister found out
她是意外怀孕的结果 she was an unwanted pregnancy.
什么 What?
说到这个 Morty speaking of what Morty,
我们要不要继续看 what should we watch next?
这个怎么样 What about this?
婴儿腿 你是个很好的警探 Babylegs, you're a good detective.
但还不够好 因为你的婴儿腿 But not good enough, because of your baby legs.
所以我给你找了个正常腿的搭档 So I'm partnering you up with regular legs.
幸会 Hey, there.
警探 我 这让我很难过 Detective, I'm, this is upsetting to me,
因为 我觉得我不需要正常腿的搭档 Because I feel I don't need no regular-leg partner.
婴儿腿 别再反驳我了 祝你们两个好运 Babylegs, don't talk back to me. good luck, you two.
还有罪犯等你们消灭呢 There's a criminal to kill.
哇哦 你这么快就找到这家伙了 Wow, you sure found this guy guick.
呃 是啊 因为我是个好警探 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective.
看 婴儿腿 是那个罪犯 Look, babylegs, it's the criminal.
不是毒品
我[哔] 我是凶手 我要逃跑 Oh [bleep] I'm the killer. I'm running.
我跑得很快 I'm running real quick.
婴儿腿 我们上 Babylegs, here we go!
我想跑快点的时候就会发出这声音 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast.
好吧 我抓不到他了 All right, I'm not gonna get him on.
我刚学到了宝贵的一课 I just learned a real valuable lesson.
我上了 婴儿腿 I'm coming, babylegs.
我是 正常腿 I'm... regular legs.
抓住他了 we got him.
真是精彩的合作 Hey, that was good teamwork.
婴儿腿和正常腿 Babylegs and regular legs.
我对你们的合作感到很骄傲 I'm proud of you two for working together.
而且 婴儿腿 我知道你很不情愿 And, babylegs, I know it was hard for you to come
承认你需要一个搭档 to the conclusion that you need a partner,
但很高兴你克服了这个心理障碍 But I'm proud of you that you did it.
谢谢 警长 Hey, thanks, chief.
快[哔]出去吧 Now get the [bleep] out of here.
挺酷的对不对 Morty 噢 Pretty cool. huh. Morty? Oh.
我觉得是很酷 I thought it was cool.
我[哔]才不管你怎么想呢 Jerry I don't give a [bleep] what you think Jerry.
嗨 呃 你还好吗 Hey, uh, Y-you doing okay?
我挺能体会你的感受的 Summer I kind of know how you feel, Summer.
不 你不懂 No, you don't.
你是小弟弟 You are the little brother.
你不是父母苦痛的病因 You are not the cause of your parents misery.
你只是个症状 You're just a symptom of it.
我能给你看个东西吗 Can I show you something?
Morty 我没恶意 但是你8岁时候 Morty, no offense, but a drawing of me you made
画的我的画像不会减轻我 when you were 8 isn't gonna make me
是个意外事故的想法 feel like less of an accident.
看 那边 那是我的坟墓 That out there? that's my grave.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
在一次冒险中 Rick和我 On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically
摧毁了整个地球 所以我们丢下了那个世界 destroyed the whole world, so we bailed on that reality,
然后来到了这个世界 and we came to this one.
因为在这个世界 地球没被毁掉 Because in this one, the world wasn't destoryed.
而且在这个世界里 我们死掉了 And in this one, we were dead.
所以我们过来 然后埋掉了自己 So we came here and, and we buried ourselves,
并且取而代之 and we took their place.
每个早上 Summer 我都是在 And every morning Summer, I eat breakfast
离我尸体不到20码的地方吃早餐 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.
所以你不是我弟弟 So you're not my brother?
我比你弟弟更好 I'm better than your borther.
我这个版本的弟弟是当我说别走的时候 I'm a version of your brother you can trust
你可以绝对信任我 when he says "don't run."
人的出现是没有目的的 Nobody exists on purpose.
人也不会属于任何地方 Nobody belongs anywhere.
每个人都会死去 来看电视吧 Everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV.
Sullivan太太一直计划 Mrs. Sullivan always planned to
把所有遗产都留给她的猫猫 leave everything to her cats.
但计划需要借助一爪之力 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw.
这些猫猫要怎么办呢 What are the kitties to do
只有团结在一起成为一个团队 but buckle together and works as a team?
Sullivan太太 我 请原谅我的鲁莽 Mrs. Sullivan, I, please forgive me for being forward,
但你的眼睛真的太美了 but your eyes are so beautiful.
等等 这是真实的电影吗 Wait. this is an actual movie?
就在今秋 干柴将遇到烈火 This fall, sparks will fly...
Sullivan太太 喔 Mrs. Sullivan. ohh.
发生在一个停不下来的男人 Between one guy who can't get a break...
你很特别 Sullivan太太 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan.
和九只突破陈规的猫猫身上 And nine cats who break all the rules.
最后的遗嘱喵 猫太太房里的死亡周末2 "Last Will And Testi-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II."
好莱坞的某人应该刚丢了工作吧 Well, somebody in hollywood just lost their job.
剧本及导演 Jerry Smith Written and directed by Jerry Smith.
我创作导演了这玩意? I wrote and directed that?
我疯了吗 what am I, nuts?
嘿 Morty 你刚错过了你老爸杰作的预告片 Oh hey Morty. you just missed a preview for your dad's "cizen kane."
没关系 Doesn't matter.
嘿 如果妈妈和我分开了 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody,
你们会跟谁 Who would you guys chose?
无所谓 Doesn't matter.
插播新闻 获奖演员Jerry Smith Breaking news, award-winning actor Jerry Smith
正在被警察慢速追赶 is leading police on a slow speed pursuit
显然刚经历了某种精神上的崩溃 after suffering an apparent breakdown.
想都别想 Don't even think about it.
干嘛 你开玩笑吗 Jerry Come on. are you kidding me, Jerry?
这就是个八卦新闻 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap.
这是我的生活 我说看就看 It's my life, and we're watching it.
你做到了 Beth You did it, Beth.
干得漂亮啊 You really nailed it.
你是个外科医生 人类外科医生 You're a surgeon, a human surgeon.
耶 你赢了 Yay, you win.
我到底要去哪儿 Where's the hell am I going?
你 你问我干嘛 Jerry Wh-what are you asking me for, Jerry?
我想搞清楚 I'm sitting here trying to figure out
为什么警察不直接把你干掉 why the cops don't just take you out.
他们能轻松把你爆头 I mean they got a clear shot to your head.
真不敢相信我们交的税就拿去干这个 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this.
Jerry Jerry Smith Jerry? Jerry Smith?
Beth Sanchez 我从高中就爱上你了 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school.
我讨厌表演 我讨厌可卡因 I hate acting. I hate cocaine.
我讨厌Kristen Stewart I hate Kristen Stewart.
我希望你那次没有流产 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion,
我一直在想我们本该会怎样 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been.
嘿 看摸蛋人吗 摸蛋人 Hey, "ball fondlers"? huh, "ball fondlers"?
恩 我想看摸蛋人 Yeah, I could go for some "ball fondlers."
恩 摸蛋人 Yeah, "ball fondlers."
哈哈 屁屁仓鼠世界的天气预报 Ha ha, Hamster in butt world weather
到此结束 is done,
接下来是体育时间 and now it's sports time coming up.
屁屁里的仓鼠
你好啊 Oh, hello, there.
你好 小姐 good day to you, miss.
仓鼠就住在这些人的直肠里吗 So, the Hamster live inside the rectums of those people?
是的 亲爱的 就住在那里面 Yes, sweetie. That's where they live.
那 这到底什么原理 Well, how does that work?
我是说 屁股里面有公寓吗 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside?
对啊 他们能离开屁股 四处走动吗 Yeah, and can they leave the butt and, like, walk around on their own?
我也不知道 Look, I don't know.
我也在跟你们一起看呢 I'm watching the same thing you guys are.
Rick外公 如果他们离开屁股 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt
然后那个人走掉了 and the person wanders off,
他们怎么去找那个人呢 how would they find their butt person again?
我不知道 Summer 我都听不见电视声音 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV.
好了 行了 All right, that's it.
我们直接去那里好了 你们这些傻瓜 We're just gonna go there so you idiots
就能整天问你们的蠢问题了 can ask your stupid questions all day.
噢 全家旅行 Ooh, family vacation!
电波字幕组 欢迎您的加入 官方网站:www.dbfansub.com 新浪微博:@电波字幕组