你知道你们为什么在这吗 Do you know why you're here?
多半是因为雅姆莱克做了什么让我们陷入麻烦的事 It's probably 'cause Yumyulack did something to get us in trouble,
跟往常"牙样" as per "uush."
你是说你打小报告的一件超棒的事吗 Oh, you mean something awesome you tattle on me for?
我才不是告密者 I'm no snitch!
那你为什么受伤 Then why are you getting stitches?
我的天 闭嘴 Oh my God, shut up!
你们俩用你们的古怪科学毁了整个学年 You both ruined the school year with your weird science.
你们把象棋队困在另一个维度里 You trapped the chess team in an alternative dimension,
复活了所有胎猪 而我们无法证明 reanimated all the fetal pigs, and we can't prove this,
但我们有理由认为 but we're reasonably confident
在金老师没收你们的白炽球后 that you gave Miss Kim a three-month period
你们给了她一次为期三个月的月经 after she took away your glowing orb.
-告密者 -今天休想得逞 - Snitch! - Not today!
-去死 去死 -想得美 想得美 - Die! Die! Die! - No, you don't. No, you don't.
雅姆莱克 今年180天的学业里 Yumyulack, out of 180 days of school this year,
你迟到了179次 you've been late 179 times.
杰茜 你迟到了三次 And Jesse, you've been late three times.
-我是怪物 -她确实是 - I'm a monster! - It's true, she is.
如果你们俩谁再迟到或旷课的话 If either of you are ever late or miss class ever again,
就等着被开除吧 then you will be expelled.
也就是说你们只能去上军校 Which means you'll have to go to military school,
霸凌们会上你们 where the bullies will fuck you.
他们会逼你剃头 And they make you shave your head.
可我的头发代表我的个性 But my hair defines me.
那就别搞砸 Then don't fuck up!
你吼学生的时候好性感 Oh, it's so hot when you yell at children.
你每次在他们永久档案里留下记录时 I dump a Dixie cup worth of fuck juice in my pants
我的裤子里就会漏满一杯子的性汁 every time you put something on their permanent record.
这记录会跟着他们到大学 Oh, that shit follows them to college.
接受你自己 我在Starz看到的 Brace yourself. I saw this on Starz.
我的妈呀 Oh, what the fu--!
特里 帮帮忙 Terry, a-a little help.
工具
不是吧 Really,
你已经懒到连看我一眼都嫌累吗 you're too lazy to even look at me?
我给自己规定每天脖子只能动三次 Ohh, I'm limiting myself to three neck movements a day.
我只剩一次了 I only got one left.
我们得在背棱镜上重新刻面 We need to re-facet the dorsal prism,
岩浆反应堆需要更多丙烯酸 the lavatic reactor needs more Aa,
你把你的手机和飞船立体声音响配对 and you paired your phone to the ship stereo
我不知道该怎么解除 and I don't know how to get it off.
如果我得 If I have to listen to the
再听一次《极速60秒》的原声带 "Gone in 60 Seconds" soundtrack one more time--
天 你知道我很笨帮不上忙 Oh man, you know I'm too dumb to help.
用智慧射线枪打你自己 Just zap yourself with the smart ray.
一下就好了 It takes one second.
不要 聪明人很可悲 Hard pass. Smart people are sad.
等等 你在干什么 Wait. Wh-what are you doing?
特里 回来 让我用智慧射线枪打你 Terry, get back here. Let me shoot you with the smart ray.
-特里 -我不知道它这么不经摔 - Terry! - I didn't know it would break that easy.
你能把杰茜困在地狱维度吗 她逊毙了 Hey, can you please trap Jesse in the hell dimension? She sucks ass.
不行 那个维度是专门用来 No. That dimension is for
放工作敌人和安塞尔·埃尔格特的 work enemies and Ansel Elgort only.
以及当我们忘记把垃圾箱拿出来时装垃圾的 And for trash when we forget to put the bin out.
雅姆莱克又让我们陷入了麻烦 Yumyulack got us in trouble again.
他们肯定搞清楚了白炽球的奥秘 And they for sure figured out that shit with the orb.
我能辍学吗 感觉毫无意义 Can I just quit school? What does it matter anyway?
噗噗会进化成他的真实形态 毁灭这个星球 The Pupa is gonna evolve into its true form and destroy this planet.
我能看电视看到那事发生吗 Can't I just watch TV until that happens?
-百事可乐 -这很难以预料 - Pepsi. - L-look, this thing is unpredictable.
可能一周后也可能是一年后 It could go off in a week or in a year.
只写了百事可乐 谁知道它怎么样了 It just said "Pepsi." Who knows what's going on with it.
该死 特里 你就该知道的 你是噗噗专家 Goddammit, Terry, you're supposed to know. You're the Pupa specialist.
-随便你 -你们俩挺好了 - Whatever. - All right, you two, listen,
学校很重要 它让你变聪明 school is important and it makes you smart,
变聪明比其他任何事都重要 and being smart is more important than anything else ever.
对立观点 科尔沃很蠢 Counterpoint: Korvo's stupid.
学校很重要因为它超好玩 School is important 'cause it's super-fun
风险超低 and the stakes are super-low
还有很多特别性感的人 and there's tons of hot people there
他们想要派对以及做"手指"干的事 who want to party-slash-do finger stuff.
等等 特里 你喜欢学校 Wait, Terry, you like school?
当然了 笨蛋 学校最棒了 Heck yeah, dum-dums, school rules!
真的吗 你知道 我们也可以去上学 Really? You know, we could go to school too.
我倒是想呢 Ah, I wish.
水泥厂后面有个成人学校 特里 There is a school for adults behind the cement factory, Terry.
-是吗 -嗯 我们可以去那 - There is? - Yes, we could go there.
我们可以变聪明 然后竞争老师的认可 We could get smart and compete for the teacher's approval.
或者我们可以认识酷酷的女生 加入兄弟会 Or we could meet cool girls, join a frat,
不用修复飞船 and never work on the ship.
或者你可以学会责任 变成一个更好的人 Or you could learn responsibility, become a better person,
帮我修飞船 and help me with the ship.
特里和科尔沃 因为同样的原因而去上学 Terry and Korvo, going to school for the exact same reasons.
什洛普星曾是个完美的乌托邦 Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
直到被小行星撞上 Until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人以及他们的复制人分到了一只噗噗 One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
逃往了太空 and escaped into, uh, the space,
在杳无人迹的世界里寻找新家 searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠落在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球 We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
是的 我一直在说这个 That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
抱着噗噗的人是我 我叫科尔沃 I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是我的节目 我的噗噗掉了 你看到我了吗 This is-this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
这太荒唐了 This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园 I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
人类太笨了 People are stupid.
你一指出基督是外星人 The second you point out Christ was an alien,
他们就恼羞成怒 开始朝你吼 they get all wound up and start yelling at you,
尽管祂做了很多外来的事情 even though he did a bunch of alien stuff.
顺应潮流 没什么大不了 Get with it. It's-it's no big duh.
外星也难民 第一季 第五集
我看上去酷吗 我觉得我看上去很酷 Hey, do I look cool? I think I look cool.
-第一天上学 好棒 -特里 别像个傻子 - First day of school, baby. Whoo! - Terry, stop acting like a spaz
要像我这样酷 and just be cool like me.
幽灵一般的袍子一点不酷 Spooky robes are not cool.
你只是嫉妒我的刷刷声 You're just jealous of my swish.
天哪 这也太酷了 God, that's so fucking cool.
这对你是好事 特里 This is gonna be good for you, Terry.
或许这样你就不会一直偷懒了 Maybe this will stop you from being lazy all the time.
我甚至都不想回你这句话 You know, I'm not gonna even respond to that
因为我实在懒得想怎么回你 because I'm too lazy to think of a response.
那你上个学为什么还这么激动 Then why in God's name are you so excited to be at the school?
因为我喜欢经典的校园电影 Because I love classic college movies,
比如《怪兽大学》《政治正确的你》和《圣堂风云》 like "Monsters University," "PCU," and "The Skulls."
我的计划是把电影里事做一遍 My plan is to do cool movie stuff
然后在期末的时候抄你的答案 and then just cheat off you at the end of the semester.
你不能总是去抄捷径 特里 You know, you need to learn to not take shortcuts all the time, Terry.
我把这一条设计成你的故事情节 怎么样 How's that for me teeing up an episode arc for your character?
是你让我把智慧射线用在自己身上的 You're the one who wanted me to zap myself with the smart gun.
这正是一个 Now that's an example of
投机取巧走捷径的例子 我会... an appropriate use of corner cutting, and I'll te--
不 你没争过我 最好赶快走 不然你要迟到了 No, I won the argument. Better hurry or you're gonna be late.
然后你只能走捷径去上课了 And then you'll have to take a shortcut to class,
而我知道你有多讨厌走捷径 and I know how much you hate those.
我喜欢用蓝色墨水记笔记 I like my notes in blue ink!
别挡路 乞丐 Make way for my peep, beggar!
先别急 Not so fast!
-把他的包拿来 -什么情况 - Get his bag. - What the hell?
-这还真有意思 -那是公爵的东西 - Well, this is interesting. - That belongs to The Duke.
-不再是了 -你们都死定了 - Not anymore. - You're dead! You're all dead!
就像我儿子一样死了 你这个混蛋 Like my son, you tiny bastard!
不 我们不杀人 No! We don't kill.
这是我们和那些会杀人的人之间的区别 That's what separates us from the people that do kill.
我们凡事都跟他们对着来 We don't-- We do the opposite of what they do.
我们不杀人 明白了吗 In terms of killing, we don't. Got it?
最后一天上学 祝你度过一个愉快的夏天 毕业典礼取消 不退款
有人吗 Hello!
同学们 老师们 有人吗 Fellow students, teachers, anyone?
今天真不错 Today's been a great day.
没人再叫我"基佬星人" No one's called me a "gay-lien,"
我也不必藏在厕所里 and I didn't have to hide in the bathroom
假装自己有屁眼 and pretend to have a butthole.
-是啊 因为根本没人在 -等等 什么 - Yeah, because nobody's here. - Wait, what?
天哪 我都没注意 怎么回事 Oh my God. I didn't even notice. What the hell?
我觉得是在考验我们 I think we're being tested.
库克校长想知道 我们在没有人看着的情况下 Principal Cooke is trying to see if we'll be late or go to class
是会迟到还是会准时上课 even when nobody's watching us.
这肯定就是暑期班吧 This must be what summer school is.
一场激烈的心理战 An intense psychological mind game,
和那部得了奥斯卡的《自杀小队》没什么区别 not unlike the Academy award-winning film "Suicide Squad."
别碍我事 So don't get in my way!
你也别碍我事 混蛋 You don't get in my way, buster.
这是我们人生中最严酷的挑战了 This is about to be the most epic challenge of our lives.
我可不想让你坏了我的事 I don't want you messing me up.
他的名字叫查尔斯·鲍尔森·金斯博格 His name was Charles Paulson Ginsburg,
但你们可能是以录像机之父的身份认识他的 but you may know him as the father of the video cassette recorder.
而他正是我父亲 I know him as the father of me.
今晚我家办酒会 来点真正的大学体验 Kegger at my place tonight. Real college experience.
酒管够 说不定我们还会去偷一匹警马 Beers and shots and we might even steal a police horse.
我得去找个保姆 I'd have to get a baby-sitter.
把孩子们也带上 来特里家不需要身份证 Well, bring them kids, girl. We don't ID at Casa de Terry's.
特里 闭嘴 Terry, shut up.
德洛丽丝 你要来参加我的派对吗 Delores, you gonna come and get tore up at my party?
我得回家看《海军罪案调查处》 I have to go home and watch "NCIS."
真没劲 This sucks.
根本就没有人赏识 甚至都没人提到 No one's appreciated or even mentioned
我穿得和《留级之王》里一模一样 that I'm dressed exactly like Van Wilder,
-就是泰吉的导师 -你能集中一下注意力吗 - you know, the mentor of Taj. - Will you please pay attention?
那是你的职责 我的职责是耍酷 That's your job. Mine is to be awesome.
我刚刚没听到"录像机"里的"像"是什么意思 I just missed what the C in VCR means.
-可能是任何意思 -真够扯的 - It could mean anything. - Man, this is bullshit.
大学生活就应该整夜派对 College is supposed to be about partying all night
然后惹上法律上的麻烦 不过我爸是律师 and getting into legal trouble but my dad's a lawyer,
所以我可以平安无事 so I'm walking away scot-free.
看来我必须玩得更野一点了 Guess I have to step up my game.
小心点 Ohh! Hey, hey, whoa, look out!
我是飞盘男 Hey, I'm the Frisbee guy.
这么说吧 我得去修一个播放机 Now let's say I have to repair a DVD player.
那和录像机是一回事吗 Is that the same as the VCR?
要是我知道就好了 Ohh, I wish I knew it.
特里 住手 没人喜欢飞盘 你看着就像个智障 Terry, stop it. Nobody likes Frisbee. You look like an idiot.
飞盘和小穴相配吗 Hey, does the Frisbee match the drapes?
不知道呢 你有胆一探究竟吗 I don't know, do you have the balls to find out?
谢天谢地 我们的床垫是用织物包裹的 Thank God we got the mattress with the fabric-encased coils.
否则 我肯定会被弹来弹去 Otherwise, I'd be bouncing all over the place.
马上要上课了 特里 你昨晚又去参加派对了吗 Class is starting soon, Terry. Were you out all night partying again?
是啊 我在外面找了一整晚的派对 Oh yeah, I was out all night looking for a party.
有传言说 游泳队在巨石狂欢 Rumor had it the swim team was raging at The Rock
结果只是两个流浪汉在跳舞 but it was just two homeless guys dancing.
杰茜 雅姆莱克 你们的学校生活如何 Ugh. So Jesse, Yumyulack, how's school going for you two?
我正在接受一项复杂的心理测验 I'm in the middle of this complicated psychological test
和那部得了奥斯卡的《自杀小队》没什么区别 not unlike the Academy award-wining film "Suicide Squad."
是啊 而且没有老师告诉我们该做什么 Yeah. And none of the teachers are there to tell us what to do.
我想这都是测验的一部分吧 I'm sure that's all part of the test.
可能只是为了教会你们跳出思维框架 Probably just trying to get you to think outside the box.
倒不是我现在想去墨西哥卷饼店 Oh, oh, oh, I don't mean to live más right now
但与其跳出思维框架 but instead of thinking outside the box,
也许他们应该跳出... maybe they should be thinking outside the--
说这话有悖于我做哥哥的所有准则 Saying this goes against every fiber of my brotherness,
但你知道我们得怎么做 but you know what we have to do.
刀子大战 Knife fight!
不 我们不能像兄妹一样讨厌对方 No, we can't hate each other like siblings.
我们得从学术方面讨厌对方 We have to hate each other academically.
我们得当对方的老师 We have to be each other's teachers.
先看你的左边 再看右边 混蛋 Well, then look to your left and look to your right, motherfucker,
因为我马上要把你录取了 'cause I'm about to matriculate your ass.
你们知道这是什么吗 这上面是公爵的整个王国 Do you realize what this is? This has The Duke's whole empire.
食物储藏处 秘密通道 还有 Food caches, secret passages, and ugh,
他自己还有一家叫波普波普的五十年代风格餐厅 he has his own personal '50s diner called Bop Bops.
我们可以搬空食物储藏 分配到墙内的其他地方 We can empty the stockpile and redistribute to the rest of the wall.
不会有人知道是我们干的 And nobody will know it was us.
这是完美犯罪 It's the perfect crime.
和《十三罗汉》里一样 Just like in "Ocean's Thirteen."
这是艾略特·古尔德七十年代后的巅峰之作 It's Elliott Gould's best work since the '70s.
朋友们 他在《老友记》中也很出色 Guys, he was also great on "Friends."
都给我坐下 闭嘴 Everyone, sit down and shut up,
不然我发誓我会在午餐前把你们扔回街上 or I swear to God I'll have you back on the streets before lunch.
我要和你们讲实话 I am gonna get real with you.
我猜你们都不知道莎士比亚是初代说唱歌手 I bet you didn't know Shakespeare was the original rapper.
莎士比亚在山姆之子事发的五年前和DJ库尔·赫克 Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue
一起住在布朗克斯的塞奇威克大道上吗 with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx five years before the Son of Sam?
没错 因此莎士比亚的作品像说唱一样 Yeah, sure, that's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap.
他还发了大财 抄袭其他剧作家 Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights
还不承认 without giving them any credit.
这让我喜欢上莎士比亚了 This makes me like Shakespeare.
那还用说 Of course it does.
我歪打正着的教学风格 My tough-yet-relatable teaching style
击穿了你的情感盔甲 is breaking through your emotional armor.
怎么做到的 And how.
特里 我在学习呢 你也该学习 Terry, I'm trying to study, which is what you should be doing.
我在 我在学习如何加入打击乐团 I am. I'm studying how to get into a drumline,
和电影《爆裂鼓手》里一样 like in that movie "Whiplash."
你知不知道如果你挂科辍学会怎样 特里 Do you have any idea what happens if you fail out of school, Terry?
我猜屁股得挨板子 I assume it's some type of spanking situation.
不 我以为学校会约束你呢 No, I thought school would give you some discipline.
可现在 我没有别的办法了 Instead, you've left me no other choice.
如果挂科了 不许看电视 If you fail, no more TV,
不许打电子游戏 不许看Hulu no more video games, and no more Hulu,
那个订阅型的网站 the subscription-based service.
但网飞没有Hulu出品的 But Netflix doesn't have the Hulu production
Hulu剧集《塔影蜃楼》 of the Hulu presentation of "The Looming Tower."
我怎么追《塔影蜃楼》这部剧 科尔沃 How do I know what happens about "The Looming Tower," Korvo.
这是唯一让你学习的办法了 That's the only way you'll learn.
你就不能给我造一副眼镜 Can't you just make me glasses
让我的视线穿过人类的身体 that allow me to see through people's bodies
然后作弊吗 so I can cheat off of them.
显然能 但是考试时不能 Obviously yes, but not in time for the test.
等等 不行 我可不能再帮你偷懒耍滑了 Wait, no, I-I'm not helping you cut corners anymore.
你得自己来 You have to do this on your own.
你又被弧线影响了 That's that arc popping its head up again.
好吧 行 Okay. Fine.
我去拿我的书 I'll go get my books.
妈的 我甚至都不能用智慧射线枪射自己 Dammit, I can't even shoot myself with the smart ray.
我该怎么办呢 What am I gonna do?
噗噗 你可不能随便摆弄智障射线枪 Pupa, you know you can't play with the dumb ray.
一旦击中谁 他们就会变得 又傻又搞笑 If you shoot anyone, they'll become... super dumb and fun.
和我一样 Like me.
人类的数学简直小菜一碟 Hah! This human math is honestly very easy.
他们甚至都没发现零以前的数字 They haven't even found the number that comes before zero.
-你拿着智障射线枪干嘛 -我在举着它 - What are you doing with the dumb ray? - I'm holding it.
吃我一枪 大变智障 Get dumb, motherfucker.
分子生物学 圣经
特里 这只能在应急的时候用 Terry, we're only supposed to use that in emergencies,
以防我们想得太多了 when we're overthinking things.
现在就是这种情况 That's what's happening right now.
求你了 别让我变傻 Please don't make me dumb.
这样我的播客就会变得毫无逻辑 None of my podcasts are gonna make any sense.
你傻我也傻 我们就是葫芦藤上的两个瓜 If you're dumb and I'm dumb, then we can be dumb together.
这个计划太蠢了 But that plan is dumb.
我天 科尔沃 你还好吗 Oh my gosh, Korvo. Are you okay?
老兄 感觉怎么样 Hey, bud, how you feeling?
你变傻了吗 Are you dumb now?
我想看《飞越童真》三部曲 I wanna watch the "Look Who's Talking" trilogy
就着番茄酱吃热狗 and eat hot dogs with ketchup.
万岁 搞定 Yeah! Dab it!
我喜欢尽我所能 狂灌啤酒 I love getting beer in my body as fast as I can.
英雄所见略同 兄弟 Preaching to the choir, bro.
你想不想和我一起把麦当劳餐全入 Do you wanna buy everything on the McDonald's menu
把它们搓成一个大球 and smoosh it together into a big ball
然后用刀叉吃掉 and then eat it with a knife and fork with me?
我愿意 打心底里愿意 Yes, a million times, yes.
图派克像氧气 2Pac is like oxygen
非裔美国西岸 嘻哈音乐人 诗人 演员
图派克 西斯科 氧气 钚
离了他我们没法活 because we need him to live,
而西斯科更像是钚 while Sisqo is more like plutonium
美国R＆B歌手 歌曲作者 唱片制作人 舞蹈演员和演员
只是在我们眼中 because he was kinda just a one-hit wonder
一闪而过而已 that we've forgotten about.
我从来都不知道学校的课其实都是说唱 Wow, I never realized that every school subject is basically rap.
这是你一整天说得最像说唱的话了 That's the most rap thing you've said all day.
A+ A plus.
老天 快没时间了 该我了 教教我 Oh crap. We're running out of time. It's my turn. Teach me now.
欢迎来到英语初级班 Well, welcome to English 101.
所有人拿起课本 Everyone, pick up your textbook.
扔出去 Now throw it out!
我们不需要课本 我用心授课 We won't be needing it. I teach from the heart.
等等 把它从垃圾桶里捡回来 Wait. Actually, go grab it from the trash.
没错 我们要紧随文本 Yeah, we're gonna rely heavily on the text.
-现在把它扔了 -搞错没有 - Now throw it out! - Oh, come on!
来我们家狂欢吧 Rager at our place.
派对从???点开始 凌晨2点结束 Party starts at triple question marks and goes till 2:00 a.m.
必须在那之前结束 We have a hard out.
扶住这里 抓紧这里 Grab onto here. Hold here.
蜘蛛 都别动 Spider! Nobody move.
去你妈的 蜘蛛 Fuck you, spider.
我们为什么要说派对从???点开始 Ugh, why did we start the party at triple question mark?
一整天都有人涌进来 People have been rolling in all day.
谁想看我把这个瓶子砸烂 Who wants to see me smash this bottle.
摸摸我的袍子 快来个人摸摸我的袍子 Touch my robes. Someone touch my fucking robes.
我得了95 你得了33 Okay, I got a 95, you got a 33.
我们及格了 我们还每天都来学校 Ah, we passed, and we were at school every single day.
-我们成功了 -耶 - Yeah, we did it! - Yay!
我说了我们每天都来这儿 I said we were here every day!
我们成功了 你们可以出来了 Hey, we did it. You can come out now.
你们在等什么 What are you waiting for?
按常理 他们应该兴奋地跑出来 Huh. You'd think they'd be raring to get out here.
除非根本没人盯着我们 Unless nobody's been watching us
他们说的我们不能再旷课了 and when they said we couldn't miss a day of school,
是指大家都来学校上课的时候 they meant when everyone else was here too.
所以我们就平白无故地耗了这么长时间 So we got along this whole time for no reason?
我猜是的 那么 现在做什么好呢 I guess so. So, now what?
你想用科幻道具破坏下校园吗 You wanna trash the school with sci-fi stuff?
当然 Fuck yeah.
当心 Hey, watch out!
我们当中必须有个人把这个装到门上 All right, one of us has to attach this to the door
并在它引爆之前离开 and get away before it detonates.
我在空闲时间一直在练习躲避爆炸 I've been practicing avoiding explosions in my free time,
-所以我应该能顺利完成 -不 - so I think I can pull it off. - No.
在从前里 我曾是个7-11便利店员 In the before-fore, I was a 7-Eleven employee.
一个差劲的店员 A really bad one.
待人刻薄 还常往思乐冰机器里小便 I was mean to everyone, and I used to piss in the Slurpee machine.
这里不同 在这我可以像一个英雄般牺牲 But things are different in here. In here, I can die a hero.
布莱森 我刚说完 Bryson, I just told you.
没人需要牺牲 我感觉我完全可以躲开 Nobody has to die, because I think I can jump away
-炸弹炸不着我 -我即荣光 - well before the explosion-- - Blaze of glory!
完了 Oh shit.
-快跑 布莱森 -布莱森 快离开那 - Run! Run, Bryson! - Bryson, run!
不 没有时间了 No! There's no time.
好吧 实际上可能时间是够 Oh, okay. Actually, there may--
布莱森 Bryson!
我的天 Holy shit!
我还活着 Ah. I'm alive.
但我瞎了 But I'm blind.
你可以跑开的 你为什么不跑 You should have run. Why didn't you run?
不 我的屌被炸飞了 Oh no, my dick got blown off.
我看不见了 屌也没了 I'm blind and I have no dick.
求求你们 走吧 Please, just leave.
我是个没有屌的瞎子 I'm blind and I have no dick.
我摸到小弟弟了 Hey, I found it.
它一直都在 只是比我想的位置低一些 It was there all along. Just lower than I thought.
看看这个 特里 看好了 Check this out, Terry. Watch.
停停停 你不是总跟我说 Wait, wait, wait. Don't you always tell me
乱按飞船上的按钮会很危险吗 that pressing buttons on the ship can be dangerous?
别小题大做了 Don't be a little beeyatch.
-你看 啥事没有 -我爱智障科尔沃 - See, it's fine. - Man, I love dumb Korvo.
老兄 科尔沃 快来跟我们一起吸这个来 Dude, Korvo, get over here and snort this with us.
欧克 欧克 吸他妈的 Oink-oink, mother-fuckah!
冰冻岩浆 Ice lava.
好冷 It's freezing.
老天 之后又好烫 Oh my God and then it burns.
快住手 Ha ha, stop.
别用镭射枪射我了 好痒 Stop lasering me. That tickles.
抓到你了 Oh, I got you now.
这我们弄出来的冰岩浆吗 Did we make ice lava?
不知道 可能是吧 I don't know. Maybe.
到你抓我了 You're it.
不公平 我刚才分神了 No fair. I was distracted.
科尔沃 我们该怎么办 Korvo, what do we do?
给飞船供能的冷热岩浆流得到处都是 The hot cold lava that powers the ship is getting on everyone.
别担心 我知道该做什么 Don't worry, I know what to do.
我在操外星人呢 老兄 I'm boning an alien, bro.
别再智障了 Stop being dumb.
你是唯一了解冰岩浆的人 You're the only one who knows about ice lava.
特里 我知道怎么处理它 Terry, I know how to fix it.
我们放松看点电影三部曲就好了 We just kick back and watch some movie trilogies.
这状况不用管它自己会恢复的 Th-this whole thing will sort itself out on its own.
我们一个三部曲都看不完 We don't have time for even one trilogy.
谁能想到图省事投机取巧 Ugh. Who would have thought cutting corners
让你变成智障会有这种下场 and making you dumb would blow up like this.
也许看看第二部《黑客帝国》会有帮助 Maybe the second "Matrix" movie will help.
不按顺序观看更好看 They're better out of order.
也许我想办法修好智慧射线枪的话 Maybe if I can learn how to fix the smart gun,
我就能让你变回去来修理飞船了 I can zap you back into fixing the ship.
你在这里不要走动 我去让你再变聪明 Stay here. I will make you smart again.
我现在不聪明不代表我是聋子 Hey, just 'cause I'm dumb doesn't mean that I'm deaf.
快点 快点 Come on. Come on.
找到了 这说明书也不是很厚嘛 Ah, yes. Hey, the manual isn't too big.
妈的 Aah! Ah, crap.
好的 特里 你能做到的 Okay, Terry, you can do this.
专注 学习 聪明点 Focus. Learn. Be smart.
我去 墨菲斯 你是从哪搞来的牛逼墨镜 Damn, Morpheus, how'd you get those motherfucking sunglasses
粘在脸上 to stick to your face?
我也得瞧瞧 不 不 Ooh, I gotta see that. No! No!
专心 Focus.
一旦你掌握了改变岩浆通路 Once you know how to reroute the lava--
瞧瞧这个 特里 我也是个墨菲斯了 Check it out, Terry, I'm a fucking Morpheus now.
看招 Watch out.
我觉得我们应该去投钱赌马 I think we should invest in a racehorse
因为我想去肯塔基州 戴上那种大帽子 because I want to go to Kentucky and wear a big old hat,
还因为我想到了一个赌马的好名字 and also I've got a great name for a racehorse.
听好了 马菲斯 Get ready. Horseus.
根据刚才说的那些起的 From the thing we were just talking about--
你能把嘴闭上吗 Will you shut the hell up?
我永远学不会如何修理智慧射线枪了 I'm never gonna learn how to repair the smart gun.
我刚学到修复岩浆反应堆的后一章 I'm only one chapter past the lavatic reactor.
我的老天 Oh, holy crapsters.
我意外学会了怎么修复岩浆反应堆 I accidentally learned how to repair the lavatic reactor.
我想对你说 如果我没能顺利出来 I just want you to know if I don't make it out of this,
能和你一起来到地球是我此生的荣幸 it has been the great honor of my life to come to Earth with you.
科尔沃 我爱你 Korvo, I love you--
我要去用锤子砸子弹玩了 特里 美利坚 I'm gonna go hit a bullet with a hammer, Terry. U-S-A!
美利坚 美利坚 U-s-a! U-s-a!
我了个去 我好像修好了 Holy shit. I think I fixed it.
没有投机取巧我也能办成事情 I actually did something without taking a shortcut.
你 你在干嘛 W-w-what are you doing?
你不是在向我发信号吗 Hey, whoa, whoa, I thought you were sending signals.
啥 不是 智障射线枪的效果要多久才能失效 What? No. Man, when does the dumb ray wear off?
我要去白色城堡吃汉堡 I want White Castle.
难道我之前一直就是这个德行吗 Is this what I sound like all the time?
特里 我们把《生化危机》系列看完吧 Whoa, Terry, let's watch all the "Resident Evils."
是我本人了 Yeah, that's me.
好爽 Oh yes.
天哪 我爱死暑假这一个星期了 God, I love the last week of summer break.
孩子们都不在的时候 这地方太棒了 This place is so nice when the kids are gone.
这里完事后 我们到剧院做反向女上式 After this, let's do reverse cowgirl in the theater.
然后我们到化学实验室去舔屁屁 Then we're ass-eating in the chem lab.
但我穿的是露趾凉鞋 But I'm wearing open-toed sandals.
你们他妈的在这儿干嘛 What the fuck are you doing here?
-不 -我们按你们说的做了 - Oh no! - We did what you said.
我们每天早上七点就坐到了座位上 We've been in our chairs every day at 7 a. M.
你们自己在这儿待了多久了 How long have you been here on your own?
我们是好学生 我们... We're good students. We did--
我们从来没迟到 一直很准时 We were never late. We were on time.
行行好 对我们仁慈一点吧 Mercy. Show us mercy.
出去等着 Go wait outside.
那两个家伙他妈的怎么回事 What the fuck is wrong with those two?
我不在乎他们喜不喜欢对方 I don't care if they like each other.
我们没让他们整个暑假都来 We didn't tell them to come in all summer!
这明显是虐待了 This is clearly abuse.
也许没人会相信他们 我们和他们各执一词 Maybe no one will believe them. It's their word against ours.
他们发现我们在午餐室啪啪了 They found us humping in the lunch room.
我正准备用舌头舔你的屁屁 I was about to stick my tongue up your ass.
天哪 Oh, Jesus.
我觉得我们要做正确的事 I guess we have to do the right thing.
好了 你们要怎么样才能保持沉默 Okay, what will it take for you to keep your mouth shut?
一千美元 A thousand dollars?
-我们要A 贱人 -我们要A - We want A's, bitches. - We want A's.
-就这样吗 哪门课 -所有课 - That's it? In what? - In everything.
那我们给你们A So we give you the A's
咱们就把这里发生的事都忘掉 and we forget that this whole thing ever happened.
指交 对你们的疏忽 还有吃... Finger in the ass, the neglect, the eating of a--
祝贺你们 你们上光荣榜了 Congrats. You're both on the honor rolls.
-太棒了 -光荣榜 哥们 - Yeah! - Honor roll, dude!
我们太坏了 We've been bad.
收集我那些受害者的灰烬 Man, gathering up the ashes of my victims
把他们重塑成婴儿 and reconstituting them into babies
这项工作比我想象的要繁重得多 is way more work than I thought it would be.
但他们获得了第二次人生 所以挺好的 But, hey, they get a second chance at life, so that's cool.
你们两个笨蛋怎么样啊 What's up with you dorks?
我们抓到老师们互相舔屁屁 We caught the teachers eating each other's asses,
所以他们给我们所有课都打了A so they gave us A's in all our classes.
而且我们又是最好的朋友了 And we're best friends again.
还有我们的玉米麦片没有了 And we're out of Frosted Flakes.
我明天去买点 I'll pick some up tomorrow.
不要把浴室门打开 Hey, uh, don't open the bathroom door
因为我把科尔沃锁在里面等他变聪明 because I locked Korvo in there until he gets smart again.
让我出去 这里有个外星人 Let me out of here! There's an alien in here!
等等 那只是镜子里的我 Oh, wait, that's-- it's just me in the mirror.
他听起来真的很蠢呢 Wow, he sounds really stupid.
对 我用智障枪打了他大概10次 Yeah, I shot him with the dumb gun like 10 times.
天哪 那效果要很久才会消失 Oh geez, that will take forever to wear off.
坚持住 科尔沃 Feel better, Korvo.
睡觉不要脸朝下 不然可能会窒息 Don't sleep face down or you might suffocate.
让我出去 盖尔·加朵是潜入美国社会的女巫 Let me out. Gal Gadot is a witch that was put into American society
以色列女演员
为了让我们忘记2008年经济衰退的 to make us all forget about the 2008 recession.
好的 哥们 很酷 Okay, buddy, very cool.
马上放我出去 我这里有人质 Let me out right now! I-I-I've got a hostage in here.
救命 让我出去 Help me, let me out.
别担心 开玩笑 两个声音都是我 配合一下 Don't worry, it's a joke. I'm doing both voices. Play along.
你好 你们俩在这里做什么 'Ello, what are you two doing in here?
安静 Shh, hey, be quiet.
-这里没人 -不 这不对劲 - It's empty. - No, this is all wrong.
快 我们得离开这儿 Come on, we have to get out of here.
你们这些蠢材 You stupid fucks.
你想怎么样 公爵 What are you gonna do, Duke,
跟我们所有人斗吗 你寡不敌众 take us all on? You're outnumbered.
蒂姆 我的孩子 你看 You see, Tim, my boy,
这是个圈套 this was the trap.
这都是我和恩里克安排好的 Enrique and I set up the whole thing.
地图 窥视孔 所有的一切 The map, the Peep, everything.
-恩里克 为什么 -你害死了我儿子 - Enrique, why? - You killed my son.
也许动手的是公爵 The Duke might have pulled the trigger,
但是你把他卷入这件事中的 but you dragged him into this whole thing.
看 我是讲究规则的人 See, I'm a man of rules.
是规则让每一个人能在墙内生存 It's rules that keep everyone alive in the wall.
但如果有人破坏了既定规则 But when someone breaks said rules,
你就要受到惩罚 you need a punishment.
我找到了完美的惩罚形式 I found the perfect form of punishment.
嚎啕洞 The Boo Hoo Hole.
蒂姆 你听说过嚎啕洞吗 Tim, you ever heard of the Boo Hoo Hole.
不 Noooo!
蒂姆 我对你有别的安排 I have different plans for you, Tim.
这些天才外星人比任何人类都要聪明十亿倍 These genius aliens are a billion times smarter than any man.
他们确实是强劲的对手 They are truly worthy adversaries.
谢谢你们放我出来 我感觉聪明多了 Thank you for letting me out. I'm feeling much smarter.
我现在聪明了 谢谢 I'm smart now. Thank you.
好的 我们相信你变聪明了 Okay, we're all trusting you to be smart.
我们今天也都得到了教训 And we all learned a lesson today,
让我们重振旗鼓 聪明起来 so let's all buckle down and be smart together
一起把飞船修好 and help repair the ship.
你拿的是什么 超光速飞行计划吗 What've you got there? Are those hyperdrive plans?
杰茜 想得美呢 我们连超光速飞船都没有 Oh, Jesse, nice try. We don't even have a hyperdrive.
不 不 这是我为《泰迪熊3》写的700页剧本 No, no, no, this is my 700-page screenplay for "Ted 3."
-你们都得给我写批注 -操 他还是个智障 - You all have to give me notes. - Oh, fuck, he's still dumb.
名字叫做"T3D" 但它不是3D的 It's called "T3D." It's not in 3D though.
泰迪熊和沃尔伯格一起去寻宝 遇到一个女巫 Ted and Wahlberg go on a treasure hunt and meet a witch.
我在美国编剧协会北部分会注册了版权 I copyrighted this with WGA-North.
它发生在未来的哈利·波特世界 It takes place in the Harry Potter world in the future,
那里所有城市都是波士顿 where every city is Boston.
本·阿弗莱克和马特·达蒙是总统 Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are president.
棒约翰的披萨很棒 Papa John's has cool pizza.
我要做职业扑克玩家 I'm gonna be a professional poker player.
让我从这个黏黏的袋子里出来 Let me out of the ropy bag.
把我从这个黏黏的袋子里放出来 Free me from the ropy bag.
像一家人一样做些事情真好 It's nice to do stuff as a family.